Holy crap. Where to begin?
First, you blew it completely.
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I had to put it to her straight and ask was she genuinley interested in meeting me and she said yeah but she wanted to get to know me first (through text).
This already shows insecurity. She would see it as you not being willing to let the relationship unfold. It completely kills sexual tension.
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then she asked me to add her on facebook.
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Don't do this. She is qualifying you. Unless you want to know more about her, that lets her in. I would only add a girl after you've closed her and you sure you don't mind her in your life.
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Then the next day I decided to give her a bit of an apology if I put her at unease or anything. Just started saying that I didn't want her being so shy and thought a bit of a comand would work. It had done before.
This is seeking her approval. Again creating a poor dynamic and unproductive.
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I'm half thinking of just throwing it out on the plain field and just saying "do you want to meet up or not if you don't that's fine I just would like an honest answer now. Ye know yourself with the hecktigness of life in genereal between, work, college, family and all others I haven't got time to be texting some girl that won't meet up with me.
I think whatever you think you should do, don't do. You are quite insecure, which is normal at 23. Stop being so direct. Be playful. Enjoy the tension of not knowing what will happen. Don't seek for her approval by apologizing. You really need to learn sexual communication. The basic format is getting to know the girl by asking her questions, then making jokes about her answers and creating sexual innuendo. When she asks questions you evade them and make jokes.
If a girl is shy then the jokes are not so graphic, if she is more forward the jokes can get really raunchy. Anyway, this site is really for you and I'd suggest reading as much as you can.