the fact is i am an introvert, and am not naturally an alpha male. i am a bit of a loner. i don't lack self confidence, but i am self critical, which is contrary to 'confidence' as it's often defined in pua circles.

i see positives in my attributes for the kinds of things i do; creative work. and i'm quite happy with the person i've become considering my upbringing.

however, these attributes are obviously a problem for a man who is not especially physically attractive, and who wants a girlfriend.

i have read the game, and have listened to lots of pua talk, and i think i have assimilated enough of it to be able to use it in say a nightclub. i just find it depressing that i would have to effectively be somebody else to be able to have any success with a woman.

going forward, it seems like the two options are, to either change my personality to become more like, say, Mystery (who i think is very intelligent and is right about a lot of what he says about human nature). or to act like Mystery while still secretly holding onto my true identity as an introvert, the more authentic of the two options. the problem with this more authentic option, is that it feels personally degrading. it's a self negation. it feels degrading to the extent that it makes the means not really worth the end. and the first option, even more so.

the problem is i am a good person, just not in a way that is attractive to women. a step in the direction of being a pua would be a self betrayal. and i would lose some of my faith in humanity if took the step. if you can't be a good person and be true to who you are, it's obviously quite dispiriting.

well you aren't technically changing into someone else, you are being the best version of yourself. You say that you aren't the alpha male but in reality you are but you just don't assert yourself. I believe that you should try doing whatever you please and see how that changes your perception of the world. Travel more, read more, work out more, find a hobby, game women more often, and just live your life. You don't have to be mystery, just find the way you naturally attract women. You are going to go through a lot of trials and errors before you figure it out what works best. Once you find it, you will see how great life can be when you get in there in the field.


There are some good guys, personally i had this dilemma but i got over it. For example, I have been involved with girls that hid about their relationship status and I personally was feeling guilty (good guy syndrome) about it but you can't control that.. Also, you will probably dislike being the alpha male but think of it as saving these girls the trouble of dating jackasses and showing them what a good man can provide . It is all a game. Just play it. This is reality, shit happens. At least you have morals. Keep them but remember that the world is what it is and you just adapt and move on.

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lots of food for thought here mr, thanks.

looking back i have learned a lot from listening to puas and reading the game that will probably help, even tho i don't intend to use any of the methods specifically.

one thing i'd disagree with in what you're saying is that implementing pua methods equates to making a better version of myself (would gandhi and socrates be making better verisons of themselves by following adam lyons advise?). i think that's pua rhetoric. as are phrases like 'good guy syndrome'. they are logical towards an apparently valuable end, but not necessarily true. think in the end i'd rather watch reality from the outside than change myself to fit in kind of.

probably wouldn't have reached that conclusion without your input, thanks again.

You got it all wrong brother! being alpha has nothing to do with how out going you are, your hobbies, or life style...its simply being about being the best at what YOU do.

What you passion? pursue it, be awesome at it! don't care if your a librarian, a doctor, a chef, a person trainer, a porn star, of your one of the best at what you do you will be admired by others.

Be congruent in who you are! don't be anyone else...If your not a super out going person then don't try to be. Be confident, work on your inner game and be the best you! When you approach women you don't need to talk their ears off unless thats your personality, you just need to be confident, speak your mind, be your self, be congruent, and have interesting things to say. You can literally tell a women that you are more of laid back, easy going guy and long as your actions show that you are....being congruent is one of the best ways to get a women to trust you and believe you are alpha. I have a budy who is the least excitable person I have ever met! he's very vanilla!! and not very out going but he doesn't make excuses for who he is, he has confidence in who he is, and he get laid.

P.s no more self pity! stop feeling sorry your self, start bettering you life and working on inner game. Start reading books like awaken the giant within by tony robbins, and watching RSD videos.

This is a common response, and a valid one. "how do I become a PUA while still being myself"

This is probably why most pua stuff fails. Its too generic. Every person is different, every pickup is different.

Dont ask her for guys to say "cmon man you have to stop being a nice guy"

None of them are getting laid anyway

You have to find the right mix for yourself. Some guys are not suited for pua at all, they respect women.

Find your own style and what works for you.

Succeeding at anything requires you to be a little fake. In the business world people are so incredibly fake. They pretend like they don't curse or make crude jokes and act very austere and uppity. They make really ugly fake laughs at their bosses lame jokes to try to impress them. I worked as a manager in a fastfood place once and my boss told me I needed to pretend like I was an actor when dealing with my underlings. I had to pretend to be mad and disappointed when they did something wrong. How lame is that.

But also when dealing with family. My grandpa would make really stupid jokes and say annoying things all the time and I'd pretend like it was funny just so he didn't feel like a loser. Again, why can't I just act the way I would normally and be myself when it comes to simple things like going to work and interacting with family? Maybe it's because that's just how the world works. So why should your dealings with women be any different?

That doesn't mean you have to completely sell out and become a perverse bastardized version of yourself. But yea, you may have to do some things that you wouldn't do otherwise, and yes, you may find it a bit degrading. If it's not worth it to you then don't do it. Remember, you are only doing it for the payoff, keep that in mind.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

This journey doesn't have to do with changing how nice or not you are, and you should forget about the whole introvert extrovert thing.

Think of this like learning a sport. If you know nothing about basketball, but want to become good at it, you learn the basics, practice practice practice, and get better and better and better. It doesn't matter if you have great talent or not, if you have less talent you might have to work harder at the skill, but you can still achieve it.

Same in pickup. It's ultimately a set of things you just do over and over and over again, realize where your flaws are, and change the things you do. The fact that you know how to escalate doesn't change your personality. It just changes your beliefs and what you know that has to be done. I'm very different than when I started yes, but at the core I am and have always been that person that works hard at something, and I just work hard at this like I would if I wanted to become an NBA star. Yes it changes you, but for the better. You become a more grounded person, someone who goes for what he wants. Don't be afraid of change. Learn to embrace it. This WILL change your life forever. And you WILL have to work hard. But if you have the drive to do it then it will happen. But you must know within you whether or not you really want it or not. Make the choice to either do it fully or not at all. Anything in between will get you mediocre results. So my advice is just that, do it fully or not at all.

Even Mystery himself says that you can (and should) take Mystery out of the method. It's not about imitating him, it's about understanding certain principles about human nature, as you rightly said.

These principles can help you in every area of life, and like ninja says, there are many areas of life where you need to be careful and thoughtful in your dealings with other people. "Being yourself" isn't always the best thing for you or others.

In response to the introvert/extrovert question, I'd say that being introverted isn't a problem. However, defining yourself according to how you see yourself in your own head is. If you're going to have any kind of success in life you need to start seeing yourself through other people's eyes. You can sit on the sidelines and consider yourself great but if others don't see that then it's all going to waste.

"Demonstrating value" is basically about showing others everything that you truly have to offer and not letting it stay hidden beneath a shy exterior. Do you want to be a good person but have noone ever know it? Think of the things that make you a good person and find ways to convey that quickly and in a way that makes an impact on others.

I had the same concerns about selling out as you, but holding onto a rigid concept of who you're supposed to be is limiting. If someone advises you to do something which you find morally questionable then you probably shouldn't do it, but being open to more effective ways of doing things is positive for you, and should not be seen as a betrayal of your true self.