I have been working with this girl for about 8 months at a bar. I thought she was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met when I first saw her, but she was with her boyfriend. I'm a good looking guy and I have always been flirty with her. Fast forward a little bit, I got injured and took 3 months off of work. In that time she had broken up with her boyfriend and when I came back to work she gave me more IOIs than ever. I was a fucking idiot and never capitalized on it. She is a 10 and I was too careful and too busy trying to play hard to get and playing it cool since she literally gets hit on by hundreds of guys a week.

Now, she is kinda seeing someone. She told me they have feelings for each other and they have hooked up, but she doesn't want to date him yet and take things really slowly. She says she likes him because he is honest and she can talk about anything with him. Also they both grew up with similar childhoods divorced parents, etc. I truly can't figure out if she's not dating him right now to really take things slow so that it doesn't get messed up or she is just not sure about him and don't like him enough to date him yet.

Either way, here is my situation...I have fallen in love with her. I have never ever felt this way about a girl. She is literally the most beautiful girl I have ever met in my eyes and she has the most genuine personality that I have ever come across. I know what you are thinking... you just have oneitus and you just need to fuck other girls, but I really believe this is different. I can't stop thinking about her and it kills me that I missed a good opportunity to make her mine and the fact that she liked me at one point is driving me crazy. This is the first girl I think is absolutely marriage material and want a future together with her. She is the most genuine and REAL person I have ever met. She is very honest and there is NO BS with her.

Bottom line is I don't know what to do. I have tried to think about other girls, but it always comes back to her. I find myself comparing her to every other girl and I can't seem to get interested in anyone else. I don't want to get another girl because I'm afraid if she sees me with someone else it will kill my chances with her for good. What do I do? What is my best chance to get her? I really want to straight up tell her how I feel and that I am crazy about her. She is the kinda girl that appreciates no bs honesty. I wanted to let her know how I feel before she starts dating him for good. Or would spilling my heart out destroy my chances with her for good? Is hooking up with other girls and just maintaining a flirty vibe with this girl really the best chance to be with her in the end? I have to see her almost everyday and it's killing me. All I know is I want her more than anything else and I need to do SOMETHING about it now.

What do you honestly think will give me the best chance of getting her...manning up and honestly tell her everything I feel for her or see other girls and keep gaming her more flirting, comfort, etc?

You are going to have to get over this mindset if you ever want to win this girl. You will have to view girls as disposable. I know it is not what you want to hear in your when you have your rosy shades on but it is the truth. You deserve to be desired by plenty of women and she should feel honored you chose her above the rest. The only way to not fuck up is by being honest that you are seeing other women. Say it is a casual thing and that you are looking for something real and that they all know about it so it doesn't seem like you are keeping secrets from anyone.

And you shouldn't suppress your emotions. It is what drives you to be with her. Just let go of the needy motivation behind it and you are golden. You should treat her as if she still has to win your love until you are in a relationship. When you are in a relationship, you should cut the gaming to a minimal and focus on communication. But until then, good luck.

Mr. A

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Thank you...this is the kinda advice I was looking for. Could you possibly expand your opinions? I am desperate because I feel like I am on a timer. She is kinda seeing this guy, but for some reason doesn't want to make it official with him. I don't know if it is because she wants to take it slow and not mess things up or she is not sure if she likes him enough to date him...but if its the latter, I wanted to let her know how I feel before she makes the decision to date him or not. My hope was that if she knew that I was interested in her (she used to like me and has no idea that I like her) maybe she will hold off in dating this guy and maybe see me in that way once again. BUT do you honestly believe if I pretend like none of this bothers me and see other girls and continue to flirt and escalate with her, it will give me a better chance of ending up with her? I just want your opinions on what the best strategy is in this situation to end up with her.

And you say not to hide my emotions, but just take out the neediness...what do you mean by this? How do I show her my emotions and feelings towards her without being needy and spilling my heart out? How do I show her that I choose her over all these options without directly saying it?

I think you should just lay it all out for her. Tell her how you really feel about her, just dont sound like a pussy doing it. If she rejects you, then let her see you with some other girls. Sounds like you've known each other long enough to have good rapport, but you aren't in the friendzone yet. Its now or never go for it. You'll regret it more if you dont.

Tell her how you feel, but do it in a manly confident way, then back off and give her some space, see how she responds. Make sure she feel comfortable at all times don't pressure her, if you get ioi's you got a chance, if not leave it.

You shouldn't obsess over one girl (I know this can be difficult), because to be honest she probably is not worth it, work on developing yourself and finding yourself.

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"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become."
Guatama Buddha