UPDATE

It's been a while, but I'm finally back. I've been traveling around, trying to get over my oneitis. There's been a few makeouts and a couple of number closes, but I haven't had the opportunity to lay anyone since I'm currently in Sweden, visiting my parents.

I will be back in my hometown in 2 weeks, where the action will begin again.

I'm currently hitting it up with a married woman, and might decide to go for it. But more on that as the updates progress.

This post is here just to show that everything is currently going as it should in my life.

Goals reached

- Opened a company with my mom, where I will now be working as a course instructor for the English language.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

I've noticed something about my game that I'd like to refer to as a 'sticking point'. I've always been going 'indirect' in the sense that I never really show direct interest up until the moment I've kissed the girl and onwards. Sometimes not even then.

And when I say interest, I mean both verbal and physical. Usually, I make the girl chase me and then I make the move on her.

However, I feel that my results would skyrocket if I actually tried implementing a little bit of 'directness' in my approaches and interactions. By 'skyrocket', I mean that I will be able to pick up those girls who never stuck around for me to find out if they were interested or not.

I've never been an entirely direct person romantically or sexually. Must have something to do with my self-esteem I assume.

Therefore, I'd like to practice being more direct in order to see where that will bring me in terms of results.

Goal - Try playing it a little more 'direct'. The ultimate goal is to be a sexual 'beast' who has the ability to bluntly hit on women in a charming way.

a) Start complimenting people more. Whenever I notice an interesting item and personality quality in someone - compliment them.

b) Extend my flirting horizons. I feel that I don't flirt as often as I have the potential to. When I talk to any girl, I'll try flirting at least once with her, no matter who she is (exception: family members, lol).

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

UPDATE

Alright, ever since I actually started pushing my boundaries with the flirting, things seem to be back on track again. I will definitely keep this up.

I'm back in my hometown now.

I thought I was over my oneitis until I got here again. I haven't thought about her at all, but now in my hometown everybody talks about her from time to time. They keep asking me questions about her and what happened between us. This has sort of put me off balance and I have a very uncomfortable feeling inside of me. I don't miss her or anything, but it's just generally . . . uncomfortable thinking about her. Don't know how else to explain it.

Especially now that I hear she's single again. This makes me want to give it 100 % one last time and just see once and for all if me and her could ever 'have been'.

^This is something I think about day and night now. It's a hard decision. I can walk away never knowing, or I could give it another shot. I tried twice before and it eventually failed between us every time. However, it only failed because she had a boyfriend at the time and inevitably went back to him when things got too intense between us. But now my mind tells me things could be different.

Worth it or not worth it, that is the question.

Anyway, last night I met this cute black girl. I've never really been interested in black girls before, but this one was actually kind of interesting. We had a few drinks and exchanged numbers. She's leaving the country in 2 or 3 days, and I'm supposed to see her tonight.

Due to the fact that the weather is horrible right now and that I will be extremely busy these days, I doubt that anything will happen. I might just let this one slide, unless things change tonight and I'm able to see her.

I've got no new goals to add here just yet. Right now I keep a 30 day journal to get me into the habit of: Reading books every day. Watching at least 1 movie per day. And a new one I'm starting for the millionth time . . . Meditation.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

UPDATE

Haven't been able to post anything earlier due to the fact that I found myself a 13 years older fuck buddy who's been living with me for a week. She's now left the country and I'm lonely again.

To be honest, I have a hard time figuring out what I can write in my journal at this point. I don't see any difficulty in connecting with women and getting the mutual experience and connection I so much enjoy having.

Any ideas? . . .

I will be thinking about this in depth over the next upcoming days as well, but I feel stuck at the moment . . .

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

So you're suggesting that you are stuck with being unstuck?

I know it sounds ridiculous and obviously this cannot be the end of my 'journey' since I probably got a million things to do and evolve before I die. But most of the characteristics that I'd like to evolve are in fact slowly evolving through the assignments I gave myself in this journal:

- Flirting with every girl I meet
- Learning how to cook and mix drinks
- Getting a job
- Small talk with everyone
- Meditation

. . . ?

I feel stuck somehow, even though I shouldn't be.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Maybe try Meditating on your end goals. Continue asking "why" until you figure out what it is that you truly want.

Example:

I want money.

Why.

So I can buy stuff.

Why.

So I can be comfortable.

When you can no longer ask why. . . ask 'what'. In this case define "comfortable". You may discover that your goals were never your goals in the first place or you may reinforce your initial thoughts.

UPDATE

I had a new goal which I didn't post about here earlier: Get in touch with my oneitis who I haven't spoken to in 4 months - and get my heart broken by her. I never did my best with her last time, which left me hanging for a really long time in confusion.

The 'unfinished business' drove me mad. So I got back in touch with her and we hit it off well. Long story short, I tried kissing her twice and she rejected me both the times. However, she keeps wanting to see me and she keeps being physical with me, so it's still green light for me to continue escalating until she either tells me to fuck off or I manage to make a proper connection with her.

I'm pursuing this thing with the mindset and expectation of getting my heart broken rather than actually getting the girl. This is because I believe I may not have the best chances of making her my girlfriend (best case scenario - one night stand), so the least I want to achieve is catharsis. I love getting hurt. The lessons you learn are way more long-term valuable to you than anything else.

My latest FR: fr2-bellatrix-lestrange-vt148091.html

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

UPDATE

As my oneitis playfully rejected 2 of my attempts to kiss her a couple of nights ago - I was still surprised as she was continuously touching me right after and putting her hand on my dick.

She claims she values kissing even more than sex - which would probably explain the odd pattern of escalation that night.

However, to make sure she's still into me, I invited her out to play pool with me, which she complied to. We went out, but basically had a regular chill night. Our only half-intimate moment consisted of a long 20 second hug in silence.

My oneitis is still a growing mystery to me and I can't figure out how to pursue this the correct way.

UPDATE #2

I was stupid enough to set up a Day 2 with Bellatrix the same day as I was going out with my oneitis. She became such a distraction to me that I missed my window of opportunity with Bellatrix. She canceled our date to watch a soccer game, so I can only hope she doesn't turn cold for good and refuses to accept any other invites.

Tonight there's a party I'm going to. Apparently, Bellatrix is supposed to be present there as well. Game on.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Results:

#1

I want to lose my ego.

Why: So that I can be free.
Why: So that nothing can stop be from doing what I want.
Why: So I can feel comfortable with myself.
Why: So I can be happy.

. . .

Asking 'what' doesn't really fit I feel? So I tried with 'how'.

How: Always cross my comfort zone.
How: Engage in 'uncomfortable' situations.
How: Make my intentions clear with women.
How: Always flirt and go for the #/k/f-close.

Maybe 'what' fits now?

What: See more women.

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#2

I want an attractive lifestyle.

Why: To attract interesting people into my life.
Why: To make my social circle richer.
Why: To introduce me to new things.
Why: To challenge myself.
Why: To make my life enjoyable.

Again, 'how' made more sense . . .

How: Engage in new activities.
How: Research.
How: Internet + taking genuine interest in people and what they do.
How: Surround myself with 'interesting' people.

What: Meet new people.

I seem to be going around in circles. It all seems to come down to MEETING NEW PEOPLE and just having general conversation.

And in terms of women it's the same + adding flirtatious behavior and stating my intentions clearer.

I feel like I exponentially evolved when I made a bold move on my oneitis. Never been so happy to be rejected before. This is a good start I'd say.

Conclusion, as mentioned:

Do effort in meeting new people (especially women), where I will take genuine interest in their lifes and flirt with them. I escalated perfectly with my oneitis, despite getting rejected. This time it wasn't about me but about her and her values. Which is why I believe the same escalation patterns can be used on any woman to seduce them more rapidly and make sure my intentions are stated.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

This FR will only be posted in the journal, and not in the Field Report section. This because it barely has any useful elements to be inspiring other people, and means much more to me than anyone else . . .

FR #3: Romantic Dinner

Stars of the play:

Little Panda
Oneitis

Story

We had finally set up a Day 2 that would change my perspective of us in relation to each other . . . Romantic dinner at my house. I called her and together we set up characters for one and other. I was going to be a young and romantic college graduate dressed up in a fancy suit, while she was going to be the young female graduate who's coming over to her date's house for a romantic dinner before the prom night.

She rings the doorbell and I open the door, holding a rose in my hand. As we look at each other, I go down on my knees and put the rose in my mouth. She laughs as she approaches me and takes the rose from my mouth. I've never seen her look so beautiful before . . . Her black dress made her eyes stand out and shine like never before.

I take her to the kitchen, where I had put up 3 scented candles, all surrounded by the red rose buds that I had picked off and placed on the table. The lights were dimmed and the radio was playing the background, as she started cooking lasagne for us. We had no wine so we had to compromise with beer. The night before, I had also prepared the ingredients for making mojitos. This was the bonus part of the night that I was going to introduce to her, but more on that later . . .

The ambient is amazing. We're eating dinner and having a blast, as we talk about all sorts of things regarding our lives. I look at the time and see that it's close to 11 pm . . . Time for us to go to the cinema and watch Seth MacFarlene's movie"Ted". We decide we're going to mess with people by going dressed the way we currently were. As a twist, we also put fancy hats on.

As we're walking down the street, she takes my hand and we observe all the people who look at us with strange and confused expressions on their faces. It's a little too early for Halloween they must have thought.

We take our seats in the cinema and the movie starts. I take her by the hand and place it high up on my lap. I use my other hand to caress her arm as the movie is playing, and she does the same to me. I had already watched this movie, so my mental focus shifted frequently from her to the movie, back and forth.

The movie ends and I offer to make her mojitos at my place. No hesitation there. We go back and I prepare the ingredients. I mix the drink and we go to the living room and sit on the couch. We drink and smoke cigarettes - still dressed overly fancy. After the mojito, we lie down together and hold each other. I was reminded of last week where we were in a similar situation and I tried kissing her but got playfully rejected twice. I thought I was going to play it smarter this time by not bluntly going for the kiss, but first set the mood properly. The night was perfect so far, and it was just about to get better.

I start caressing her back slowly and I feel her body responding to my touch . . . She likes it. After a minute or two, she closes her eyes and really gets into it. The mood has been set and I'm finally 100 % sure I got green light this time.

I turn her body around to face me, and we look at each other. As my hand slowly goes down and touches her between the legs, she closes her eyes and gets more excited. This is where I lean in with the third attempt to kiss her . . . And she complies. We lie there and make out like crazy. It gets really intense and I remove her bra. Everything went fine up until the point I tried to go inside her panties with my hands. This is where the LMR kicked in. I'm not really used to LMR as I've rarely ever had it before, since usually the girls are more than happy to rip my clothes off and take initiative themselves. I guess the game I play simply provides results that lack LMR in most cases.

She slowly stops me and claims it's moving a little too fast . . . and she is probably right about it. However, she kept on insisting that she could still please me in other ways. She told me to stand up, turn the lights off, bring a blanket, and put some music on. I told her it felt unfair to me, since I really wanted to please her back, but it still could not changed her mind. So I did as she said and she gave me pleasure to the point that I came twice in about 15-20 minutes. I don't think any other girl has managed to make me cum twice that fast before. Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that she's my oneitis and not just random white trash girl I picked up from a club . . . It was actually meaningful this time.

As I finish for the second time, we lie down in silence, holding hands and caressing each other up until 11 am, when she receives an important text and has to leave.

She stands up, gets her prom dress back on and greets me with a final, long, kiss on the lips before she leaves the apartment.

I'm left with the unbelievable thought that I actually did this with my oneitis. I didn't care about the fact that I didn't have sex with her. The only thing that mattered to me was that I had an amazing time with her and we connected far more and far stronger than we'd ever had before.

This left me with a final thought . . . What next? How to pursue this, if possible at all?

I guess only time will tell.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Sounds like you are starting a lovely romance. Romantic set up, having a good time and a little bit of role play! Awesome! I don't know how it is gonna develop, but it's a promising start. Whatever happens next just enjoy every moment of it while it lasts. No regrets.

Having read all that crap about men and how to train them like righteous little pets, she's setting up for the long ball. . .

But you wanted a relationship with her right? So this is good. She's going to set up/allow you to set up another "romantic thing" again sometime and that's when you get to see her vagina. If a LTR is what you want then just follow up, be on point, and keep it simple. One sentence or even one word is better than a 2 paged manifesto. This way, she interprets everything the way she sees fit.
If so, forget all the hocus pocus magic zen crap and just be happy. Do happy things, Find your happy place.
If so, forget all the PUA crap about comfort zones and talking about intentions; just go for the close. Guys are contract people. We are agreements people. We live by a code. We negotiate, we shake hands, we honor it. Women might go through all these motions but they just go with what feels right at the moment. You do not need a verbal agreement to fuck in order to pull a girl from a club. You don't need tell her, I will do this and do that (although perhaps for fun at times, you might); she doesn't need to play the role of a street hooker and promise you that she will do a 50/50 and charge extra for anal. If you make a connection, sex is an inevitability. All you need to do is what you already did with this girl. Set up the 'get together'(although it really doesn't need to be that elaborate to get your pipi wet) invite, leave open the opportunity, and go for it. Instead of 'telling' her your intentions, 'show' it by demonstrating the actual practice of your intentions.

Let's just say that she's really damn good at this. Which also worries me a little, not understanding whether or not she just wants to 'use' me, like last time. . . The difference being that she was in a long distance open relationship before. I'm attempting to keep myself busy (haven't seen her in 4 days) to prevent myself from getting into my head too much and ruin this.

I'm already starting to wonder if 4 days without seeing each other should worry me.

Hate it when I start over-analyzing.
Don't know if I told you this, but I managed to get this far with this girl due to exactly ^this. I believe you and I discussed this at some earlier point and I really followed through your advice. It feels like my success with women changed ever since I started internalizing the above.

I'm really grateful for this piece of information.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

UPDATE

Slightly knocked off-course . . .

So I was out last night at my favorite bar. It was me, Koistinen and 5 other girls (one of which was my oneitis).

The set had automatically split up in the way that Koistinen was making out with his girl, 2 girls were talking to each other (best friends), 1 girl was left 'out' and me and my oneitis were holding each other and providing 'smoke kisses', where you take a puff from your cigarette and you kiss your girl in order to transfer the smoke to her.

The girl that was left out eventually left (obviously) and I felt bad for her. I told SuperMario to join us in order to keep her company, but he had stuff to do at home and couldn't make it.

I was madly in state and things were going great. The other 2 girls were very touchy with me (as they saw me and my oneitis being intimate + due to me being a total baller in general that night) and I was switching conversational partners constantly, but had my oneitis in general focus.

Then something happened. Something that made my state crash at a ridiculously fast rate.

I accidentally saw my oneitis pick her phone up . . . She had received a text from her mom. Now, I wasn't purposefully looking at the conversation between her and her mom, but I couldn't help but see her mom writing some teasing message about me and my oneitis (can't exactly remember what the message said) - and then I saw my oneitis writing back something along the lines of: '. . . hahaha no, not really in this current stage of my life . . .'

I quickly looked away after that out of respect.

The text message doesn't seem so threatening when you read it right now. Not even to me.

But I kept wondering last night if the message could have meant that she is not looking for a relationship with me at the current stage of her life? I know for sure they were talking about me (had it confirmed by my oneitis), meaning that whatever she meant with those words was directly related to me + her.

My plan is to continue pushing for a relationship. I want her to know my intentions very clearly.

However, when I read my own post now, I realize how ridiculous I sound. I must have really allowed myself to get too much into my head lately. It's killing me.

Plan for tonight: Go out with some friends (Koistinen and SuperMario for sure) + a girl I #-closed 2 days ago who has also confirmed that she wants to go out.

I need to get some space and perspective, since my oneitis is coming over to my house in 2 days. I lost her last time because I got too much into my head, and I can't let myself do the same mistake again.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html