Girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me recently.
Mainly due to me ignoring her once we got into a 'settled' relationship and working too much.

Currently she is on holiday with her family. What is the best approach to regain her?
Ignore for a while then 're-pick up' or maintain dialog now?
Also how to prevent her from rebounding to different guy friends who she got close to talking with while I was ignoring her?

We go to the same university together.

GFTOW

If she rebounds and you don't want a girl who has casual sex with other men then she's not the right woman for you.

What you're really asking is, how can I prevent her from being the woman she is? How can I make her into the woman I want her to be?

You can't. If you do, she will be unhappy and breakup with you again, or you will forever be in an unhealthy relationship anyway.

GFTOW

If she really wants you, she'll come find you, especially if you move on, and ESPECIALLY if she is threatened by what you're moving on to.

Nobody ever regrets breaking up with someone when they move on to something that even appears to the ex as something better. It's a personal victory. Move on and move fast. Don't settle.

GFTOW

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I think you're posting in the wrong topic. I don't see where this girl did anything wrong, and the OP clearly admits that much. She especially didn't cheat or have casual sex.

Anyway OP, I think you need to ask yourself if you're willing to give her the time and dedication she requires. Why try to get her back if you'll just fall back into the same trap? Also, trying to make her jealous is a bad idea here. You're in the wrong already and she's going to have the mentality that you don't deserve her. It's you who needs to make things right, not the other way around.

My advice would be to talk to her (preferably in person, but if that's not possible, do it on the phone. Worst case scenario, use e-mail, but that's only if she absolutely refuses contact otherwise). Tell her that you realize you haven't been spending enough time with her and you didn't understand until now how much she means to you. Tell her you'll change and that you will make an effort to treat her the way she deserves. This is the one time out of the entire apology process where you can lay it all out there and say what you want to say. Do not beg, do not plead, but let her know you want to make a conscious effort to change for the best.

If she says she doesn't want to try things again, smile and tell her that you understand, wish her the best of luck, tell her she will meet someone great someday and that she deserves it. Give her a hug and leave.

At the worst, this will give you closure by knowing that she's done with you and you'll feel good about yourself for finalizing the breakup in the most mature way possible.

Actually I agree with the first reply, move on, time to play the field a bit and let her see what she is missing. If you have no intention of sleeping with other women because your still vulnerable, thats fine, just show you are having a good time, enjoying yourself and dont need her to enjoy your life.

-- Let her see this, girls do it all the time i.e. when you are at a party you walk by a set of girls who are laughing obnoxiously loud then when you walk past them the laughter immediately stops (this isn't a set scenario not 100%, but its one of those hs things that doesnt go away) --

Point i am trying to make is have a good time, you are single, let her get some space, she dumped you for XXXX reasons, show that you had all of that with and without her, she just wasn't experiencing them with you. When she sees you are actually outgoing, or doing XXXX she will be like why the fuck did I dump him, and will want you back.

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That plan of action would work great if she actually did anything wrong. The fact is, he's the one who should be apologizing and working to change his ways if he wants her back. From what limited information we were given, she seems to have done nothing wrong. Why try to make her jealous when in her mind she can do way better than him anyway?

Thanks for the replies guys, Snarg I agree with you, showing that I don't need her to enjoy my life seems wrong to me because she already thinks I don't need her, because I focused too much on work. The thing is I really do need her, she is the girl of my dreams.

Just some background, I used to game quite a lot, but when I met this girl somehow I didn't use it at all, and we got together anyway.

I definitely can't actually break up with her, there has to be a way to get her 'back'.

Honestly, for a breakup, the reasoning isn't "that bad" to where it will be insanely difficult to get her back. The guy who she got close with is most certainly a rebound relationship at the most. He could also be the gay friend who has no chance with her. Either way, like I said, a one-time apology where you lay it all on the line and let her know you understand the error of your ways will work wonders. After that, let silence work its magic. It's almost easy. You'll plant the seed and give her the opportunity to come back, but you won't be begging or keeping yourself visibly available which builds attraction. After a few weeks I'd be shocked if she wasn't contacting you again.

Thanks, I wrote her a few days ago and she hasn't replied. Shall I wait a few weeks?

Do you think it's OK to add a follow-on to what I wrote?

If you want, PM me what you wrote to her and I'll give you my opinion on what to do.

Or post what you wrote to her here, so we can all give our opinions on the matter.

Snarg, I see what you're saying in that from what the OP has said, his ex didn't do anything wrong. But I have a feeling, and I could be totally wrong, that she has led the OP on to believe that is the case. It is never that simple.

Pennycade, did she even take the time to bring up her concerns with you ignoring her? If so, how many times? Did she drop subtle hints, or was it a sit down and huge talk kinda thing?

If she did all this, and more, I can see the fault lying solely on you. But usually that is not the case. There was no reason for her to get close to someone else while still in a relationship with you. Instead of trying to work on your guys' relationship, she felt it necessary to find happiness somewhere else. I don't know about you, but that's not someone I would want to date.

I know how you're feeling right now, I went through a tough breakup with my ex of 3.5 years about 6 months ago. She did the same thing, came at me one day and said she hadn't been happy for a while, and wanted to break up. Turns out she had found someone else while we were dating, and went to him. Needless to say, they recently split and since we've broken up I can now see things clear and know she is not someone who deserves me. I have a feeling you will see the same, if you take a good, hard look at the situation.

Like others have said, stop all communication and begin to move on. It won't be easy, but you'll thank yourself in the end.

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The only reason I suggested otherwise is because she could Google a sentence from his e-mail and arrive on these forums. Highly unlikely, but possible.