Hey guys, so I have a problem and I need your advice When it comes to picking up a chick at a bar, club, store.. etc I have ZERO problems. I can easily turn a girl into a FWB.

However, I am 22 and I've only had ONE gf so in that field I am not experienced and the relationship lasted only 4 months lol I don't even consider it a relationship.

Here is my problem, every time I start talking to a chick more in a personal level than just a FWB I tend to screw things up. I either end up in the friend zone, or some how some way I end up screwing it up, but I can never make the transaction to a relationship.

The reason I need some advice is because I recently met this girl and she is amazing. Came from a well raised home with morals and is a HB9. We hung out before but never had a chance to talk until this past weekend and I got her # and we had tons of fun. She just broke up with her bf of 3 years and hasn't spoken with him for almost 2 months. She told me over the weekend that she is finally feeling happy again, so I am assuming she is already starting to get over that guy.

She is girlfriend material and I don't want to let this one get away. She gave me plenty of IOI over the weekend. So, I know she is interested.

I would really appreciate any advice guys!


P.S. I am not the type of guy who considers every girl I meet a "girl friend" material and/or try to get in a relationship with every girl I come across. Most of the girls are just FWB for me.


THANKS

Hey mate!

Could you elaborate more on what you are doing now? Or in what way you think you screw up?

I tend to give some general advice, but i think we might be more helpful with a bit more details.

Have you ever told them what it is you want? Like: "hey, i kinda like you. I want to get to know you better as i think you might be somebody i want a long relationship with. "

It is not a witty cocky nor funny line, cheesy as hell, but it states what you want, plain simple.

cheers!

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

If you don't know why you make mistakes, write them down, make a personal journal, on this forum or on a notepad. That way u see the problems from the observer, WITHOUT the emotions to screw you up. When you screw up, the emotions take over. By writing it down, you won't have those emotions and then you can see the problem. Worked for me.

Feedback is the best thing to do. If you don't use feedback, you won't overcome sticking points.

_________________
The Learning Journal:
--> wallies-journal-vt141967.html

Hey LD,

Well i'll use my previous 2 encounters. Girls #1 was like 2 years ago. We met in college. I got her # by just telling her, "I find you amusing and I'd like to get to know you more. Let's exchange #s." We chatted on the phone, but she had recently broken up with her bf, so I became the go to guy for her and I thought it was the right thing to do by listening to her. We went out on dates, we held hands and when I told her I liked her she said, "I see you more like a best friend."

Girls #2. Happened last year, We met over FB lol we chatted and exchanged #s. We went out on a date and hit it off pretty good. We would flirt with each other and call each other pet names lol We dated for 2 months, but then she left to Colorado for 2 months and we would talk, email, and write to each other; however, once she got back I didn't hear from her until like 2 weeks after. And, all the flirting went away. She gave me the cold shoulder and it never became the same.

Current girl:
We met on 4th of July. She is best friends with my best friend's girl friend. I had a kick back at my house and she came. We played beer pong and then dance the night away inside my house. She was my dance partner. We had fun, but I didn't make a move on her that night nor the second night I saw her because we were parting and she got a little too drunk and I hate getting girls #s while they are drunk. But, we became FB friends. Hardly spoke with her on it. Then this weekend we went out of town and she came along. I got her # and we spent couple of hours alone talking about life, relationships, and other stuff. We joked around, took pictures, and had fun. So then she post the pics on FB and got our pic and put it as her default. I texted her yesterday but we didn't chat for long she was getting ready to go to Mexico for a week with her fam so she stop replying back. I don't mind because I know she was busy.

Idk if I should just leave her a comment on FB wishing her a good trip? Since last night she stopped replying.

So I honestly don't know where I go wrong, maybe I become to nice, I might not be to upfront (which is odd because I am more of a direct person) or I just get intimidated because it's something new.

I like this current chick we connected and I've never connected with some one like that before, but I have on the back of my head that she broke up with her ex 3 months ago and I don't want to end up in the "friend zone" like girls #1.

That's pretty smart. I never thought of that.

Thanks.

Hey mate,

from what i can read here, there is something that catches my attention. its the lack of tension. I dont think you have a problem connection with these girls, but i dont read about physical tension. Yeah, there is flirting, but how far does this flirting go? And it seems to stop once you get their numbers. And what exactly do you mean with flirting? is it playful banter, or do you create sexual tension?

The lack of physical/sexual tension is interesting in the following way: i believe you have desires of your own, right? So why do you not express them? When you say: perhaps i am too nice, you might be right.

But dont turn into an asshole! Women love somebody who can listen to them. If she has a problem, let her talk about it, let her get it off her chest. However, dont let the problem become the topic of interaction, the goal of the interaction (confer girl #1).

Example:
her: yeah, i broke up with my boyfriend. I feel alone, abondened, sad! On top of that, he cheated me and *drama drama drama*.
you: hmm yeah, i can imagine how you feel. I had that happening to me as well some time ago (if it is the truth, say it, i just mean to relate to her feelings in a way). But lets try to think about something else, fun stuff! I would really like to know who you are as a person so... what is the most amazing thing you did in your life?

you see? it is OK to be the 'go-to-guy', but make sure she goes to you for fun and eventually excitement (positive emotions) and not for fixing her problems (which gives a rather negative emotional meaning to the entire interaction).

Girl #2: two months is a long time. Writing, mailing, calling etc, is all good and well, but if there is no tension in it, no excitement, it gets boring.

I have quite a bunch of female friends. Woman i will never fuck. Therefor, although we talk about sex a lot, i never make any attempt to build any kind of sexual tension. And neither do they. If you turn it around, and have interactions where there is no sexual tension, i think that is the road to LJBF.

So in short: Follow your desire more. Make it clear you are a sexual person but that you are also interested in a LTR. Flirt with them, create tension, and dont be afraid to ESCALATE! you can create tension with words, sexual flirting and kino. Everything counts, as long as it is exciting.

Also, when it comes as far as sex, remember: good sex is fundamental for a good relationship.

I am not sure this will fix your 'problem', but i have a hunge it might. Be yourself around this girl, acknowledge your desires as well and make them clear.

cheers and good luck!

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

Hey mate,

from what i can read here, there is something that catches my attention. its the lack of tension. I dont think you have a problem connection with these girls, but i dont read about physical tension. Yeah, there is flirting, but how far does this flirting go? And it seems to stop once you get their numbers. And what exactly do you mean with flirting? is it playful banter, or do you create sexual tension?

The lack of physical/sexual tension is interesting in the following way: i believe you have desires of your own, right? So why do you not express them? When you say: perhaps i am too nice, you might be right.

But dont turn into an asshole! Women love somebody who can listen to them. If she has a problem, let her talk about it, let her get it off her chest. However, dont let the problem become the topic of interaction, the goal of the interaction (confer girl #1).

Example:
her: yeah, i broke up with my boyfriend. I feel alone, abondened, sad! On top of that, he cheated me and *drama drama drama*.
you: hmm yeah, i can imagine how you feel. I had that happening to me as well some time ago (if it is the truth, say it, i just mean to relate to her feelings in a way). But lets try to think about something else, fun stuff! I would really like to know who you are as a person so... what is the most amazing thing you did in your life?

you see? it is OK to be the 'go-to-guy', but make sure she goes to you for fun and eventually excitement (positive emotions) and not for fixing her problems (which gives a rather negative emotional meaning to the entire interaction).

Girl #2: two months is a long time. Writing, mailing, calling etc, is all good and well, but if there is no tension in it, no excitement, it gets boring.

I have quite a bunch of female friends. Woman i will never fuck. Therefor, although we talk about sex a lot, i never make any attempt to build any kind of sexual tension. And neither do they. If you turn it around, and have interactions where there is no sexual tension, i think that is the road to LJBF.

So in short: Follow your desire more. Make it clear you are a sexual person but that you are also interested in a LTR. Flirt with them, create tension, and dont be afraid to ESCALATE! you can create tension with words, sexual flirting and kino. Everything counts, as long as it is exciting.

Also, when it comes as far as sex, remember: good sex is fundamental for a good relationship.

I am not sure this will fix your 'problem', but i have a hunge it might. Be yourself around this girl, acknowledge your desires as well and make them clear.

cheers and good luck![/quote]

Hey LD,

I think you are right about the physical tension. I do flirt and by flirting with them it's more like playful banter. You see when I meet a girl and I connect with them on a different level I tend to shy away a little with my aggressiveness.

I can easily kiss close a chick at a bar, but if it's some one I am emotionally and physically attracted to I tend to shy away a little because of fear that it might not work.

With all the girls I've had more physical interaction with this current girl with kino. I haven't actually flirted with this one but I will start as soon as she gets back from visiting her fam next week.

Thanks!

sleep with her, hang out with her more then 2x a week, do fun things with her, when hanging out becomes a regular thing and she asks you to be her bf, say yes