I choked and ran home....



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PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:40 am 
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So I have been doing picked up and sarging by myself for a while, I'm fine with cold approach, one on one date or dealing small group. Today I decided to go to the meet and greet from the most popular group from meetup.com in my town. I know there was gonna be more than a hundred people will be there. I showed up at the parking lot and the place was swarmed with people. There was more than 300 people there. I literally psyched myself out in the car, had an anxiety attack, choke and went home.

Seem like I need to go back and rework some area of my inner game. No idea why it happened that way. Anyone has a way to fix this?

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:27 pm 
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I dont think you need to work some more or your inner game or anything. Just try to be ok with it. You get anxiety attack, there is nothing wrong with that. There are only 2 wayo of dealing with those.
1. Do the things you want, dont run away despite the anxiety
2. ant this is a good one, tell people you have it. When you tell people your fear it looses pover ower you. You can just come up to someone and say: this things give me an anxiety attack. We can chat till i fall unconcious :D

Im nerwous... is the first line of many great speaches. When you admit to different people your fear it becomes less scary to you.

The most importaint thing for you to do is not make a big deal out of this. Dont focuse on it, ignore it and try to act like you dont have it. Eventually it will just go away... just ignore it long enough.

;)


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 6:24 pm 
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Quote:
So I have been doing picked up and sarging by myself for a while, I'm fine with cold approach, one on one date or dealing small group. Today I decided to go to the meet and greet from the most popular group from meetup.com in my town. I know there was gonna be more than a hundred people will be there. I showed up at the parking lot and the place was swarmed with people. There was more than 300 people there. I literally psyched myself out in the car, had an anxiety attack, choke and went home.

Seem like I need to go back and rework some area of my inner game. No idea why it happened that way. Anyone has a way to fix this?
Dude, I know what you mean. I had this in tons before...I have worked on it and now it's a lot better. There are still some situations that make me feel a bit nervous, but I am working on it.

A few things that might help:

1. try and visualize beforehand what you will be facing. Do the visualization multiple times; as strange as it sounds, after a few times, you will be more comfortable facing the situation

2. Have three things you want to talk about that should be of interest to people around you in the given scenario

3. change the focus from "how people perceive me" to "I want to get to know some of these people". Realize, that deep down, all of us have this fear, at least a little bit

4. Pick up "Feel the fear and do it anyway" from the library and read it (credits to David DeAngelo).

I can assure you things get better. Hope this helps, post back if you need more input.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 3:37 pm 
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Thanks for all the advice. I have no problem with doing cold approach with women and men. But I always get anxiety in big party or social event for some reason, especially if it involves people with authorities or all the big names in town.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 4:57 pm 
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Sounds like I got your answer for ya
You need
A wingman

Now it doesn't even have to be as hard as it sounds, if you have a friend who doesn't know pua you can use him, you just need to bring someone you KNOW and are COMFORTABLE being around.

The #1 problem I have at parties is not having someone I know there, if everyone Is new I get nervous and feel its hard to get in a 'group (idk why, I always seem to make my own without trying)', which is what I think your really havin trouble with.
Also he would psych you up for you, like what you said in the car to had to psych yourself out, peer pressure is more powerful than your fear, if a friend was there when you wanted to leave and kept telling you 'get back in there' would you have gotton further?
Just something to think about and try

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 12:27 pm 
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You have nothing to loose, just do it. Before I normally approach groups, I observe from a distance and choose one person talk to as the gateway, then slowly get in the mix. Or you could have got to know a fellow PUA going to the meeting before the meet up


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 12:35 pm 
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Quote:
Sounds like I got your answer for ya
You need
A wingman
No, you don't NEED a wing. Ever.


No PUA "needs" a wing. It's a bonus, an addition... but a PUA doesn't fucking have to have someone hold his hand or entertain the set or push him from behind. YOU do that intrinsically or you don't.

Step up, get back out and fucking go in next time!

It's completely inner game. You know it is. Simply admit to it and address it in a real/positive way.

Work on it.



RR

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 7:14 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Sounds like I got your answer for ya
You need
A wingman
No, you don't NEED a wing. Ever.


No PUA "needs" a wing. It's a bonus, an addition... but a PUA doesn't fucking have to have someone hold his hand or entertain the set or push him from behind. YOU do that intrinsically or you don't.

Step up, get back out and fucking go in next time!

It's completely inner game. You know it is. Simply admit to it and address it in a real/positive way.

Work on it.

RR
Kudos for the whole wingman thing.

@OP
This happens to all of us. It's totally ok. And this is inner game thing. The way to fix it is not to stay home and do affirmations (though this helps), but to go out again. And be aware that although you had a panic attack, you are still a winner because you have stepped outside of your comfort zone. Do this again and again and again. Success is closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Best of luck,
Defy

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 12:22 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
Sounds like I got your answer for ya
You need
A wingman
No, you don't NEED a wing. Ever.


No PUA "needs" a wing. It's a bonus, an addition... but a PUA doesn't fucking have to have someone hold his hand or entertain the set or push him from behind. YOU do that intrinsically or you don't.

Step up, get back out and fucking go in next time!

It's completely inner game. You know it is. Simply admit to it and address it in a real/positive way.

Work on it.



RR
calm wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy down dude holy crap
It was a personal suggestion that I thought would improve his game until he's able to do it alone, not a personal attack on your wife and kids.
Although this is - are you REALLY a pua teacher? "get the fuck over it and go out there???" yeah I bet his entire game has turned around because you told him to "man up", genius why doesn't everyone just say that

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:33 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Sounds like I got your answer for ya
You need
A wingman
No, you don't NEED a wing. Ever.


No PUA "needs" a wing. It's a bonus, an addition... but a PUA doesn't fucking have to have someone hold his hand or entertain the set or push him from behind. YOU do that intrinsically or you don't.

Step up, get back out and fucking go in next time!

It's completely inner game. You know it is. Simply admit to it and address it in a real/positive way.

Work on it.



RR
calm wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy down dude holy crap
It was a personal suggestion that I thought would improve his game until he's able to do it alone, not a personal attack on your wife and kids.
Although this is - are you REALLY a pua teacher? "get the fuck over it and go out there???" yeah I bet his entire game has turned around because you told him to "man up", genius why doesn't everyone just say that
My apologies... I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Friends?


RR

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 2:32 am 
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Always, I'm not Gunna stop chillin with someone cuz one disagreement
Then I'd never have any friends >

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 3:36 am 
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Dude, my position is this - I'm not trying to be a dick - but I'm speaking plain.

If someone thinks they NEED a wingman, I find that a weak mindset. I find a much stronger position to be one of confidence in one's own self. SELF-reliance. If you can't be confident alone - you fail before you even start.

If you disagree, please explain the tenets of your methodology and let the debate grow. I'd welcome it.

As for my style - I write to people how I talk to my friends and how I want them to talk to me. Had I pussed out from sarging - they' d have asked if my vagina was hurting. They'd not be flamed for it either - I would need to hear it.

Different strokes... I don't want my hand held, nor do I hold other people's... If they don't like me - I invite them to ignore me. If they don't like my advice - they can either ignore me, or debate it. Either way - I'm comfortable with whom I am.

It's all good.


RR

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 4:42 am 
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I more or less meant he 'should' get a wingman
Like you and me he needs someone to show him how it's done, there's no getting around the fact you need to be taught before you can Perform so if he has someone there he has the confidence he'll be looked after or he can learn without fear of rejection. Then when he's been taught enough inner game ect. He can go out by himself, not patronizing him as a little kid but it seems to me he still needs to be taught more and unless he's going to post on here Everytime he wants to know what to say to a girl he's currently face to face with (which don't do btw) its easier to just have someone there as a guru
Some people have different learning styles, some need to be physically shown, some need to just hear it, and to some it comes naturally; in this case it didn't seem to come naturally so I went to the next step, something physical
Of course if he posted he would rather do what you said I would be equally happy; I don't want the fame, i just want him to have the options of what different pua's think and to come up with what works best for him

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