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Kinda convoluted, but I'll try & keep it short:
Was introduced to a very cute girl a few weeks ago by a female friend of mine at a party. Hit it off amazingly well & ended up banging her silly upstairs on my friends bedroom floor. We had had plenty to drink, so after having sex (she wanted to do it again immediately) she hopped in the bed to "rest for a minute" while I went downstairs to grab some pizza for both of us. I got sidetracked downstairs for @ 20 minutes by some other friends & by the time I got back upstairs, this girl was sound asleep. Immediately thereafter, my friend starts shutting the party down & it ends up that I pretty much have to leave without saying goodbye or anything. Fuck! I end up having to get her # from my friend & text her the next day just saying I had a good time & we should get together again sometime.
I wouldn't msg a girl I had hooked up with the night I had met her with "I had a good time..." as it frames the relationship as completely sexual. While it's important, if not vital to maintain a sexual frame in any seduction, its possible she has 'buyers remorse' in choosing to sleep with you - she wanted to get fucked, just as you did, but perhaps wanted nothing more than that. By buyers remorse I am talking specifically about a girl's need to NOT feel like a slut as being more important than talking to the guy they let their guard too easily down with. If she's a skank, chances are she just seeks multiple fuck sessions with random guys. If she's not a skank, chances are hearing "I had a good time" or anything that smacks of anything sexual via text will only remind her of the mistake she'd made in being too easy - her need to not feel like a slut by ignoring your advances is more important to her than any feelings she may have towards you. It's called self-preservation.
She doesn't respond for a couple days, but when she does she says, "yeah, let's get together sometime, but I must say that I was blacked out, did we have unprotected sex?". I'm half floored & half thinking that she's BS'ing me so she doesn't feel slutty. I mean, we had been drinking, but she didn't seem super wasted or anything. I tell her yeah, we did, but I'm totally on my heels at this point.
A legitimate question, and also fits in with my comment above. Sex with a stranger, though exhilarating, is also very risky both physically and to her sense of self (again, not wanting to feel like a total skank - its conceivable that she can justify to herself that she's LESS of a skank for having sex with a guy who used protection over one who didnt, but in all probability her concern for getting pregnant or STDs trumps this). Why were you offended? Did it kill the sexual tension for you? Seriously, give your head a shake.
We end up texting back & forth for a few weeks & I play it cool (considering I really dig her) & try and get her out a few times but she flakes out and I'm thinking it's a lost cause.
Again, she likely regrets making herself so easy. It may very well be a lost cause, but if you are going to keep trying I'd drop any sexual overtones and make the conversations purely about establishing comfort (that which she never had with you). Make her laugh, make her smile, be random keeping her on her toes trying to guess "what's this guy going to text me next?". If you can do that and offer her a sense of escape from the mundane, you may have a chance getting her out. If you start telling her how hot her ass and titties were and you're horned out thinking about that night you'll only hammer the remaining nails in the coffin.
Oh well. Out of the blue one night, she texts me & asks me to meet her out to see a band. We have a blast again, she's all over me & I take her back to my place, get her naked & like a complete idiot I decide to not have sex with her as a way of getting her to trust me/show her that I like her. This is strictly due to how things ended the first night. Not sure what I was thinking, but that's what I did. We make out & talk til 3:30- or 4 & I'm thinking I made the right move, but the next morning she is pissed. As I'm taking her home, she's telling me that "you know, my ex has been calling me" & shit like that. When we get to her place, she just gets out & slams the door & walks away without saying goodbye. The next day she texts me saying that she doesn't want to see me again. I realize I 'effed up royally, but my intentions were pure. Is there any way to recover from
Why would you get her naked and not have sex? Seems weird. I'd have not had sex with her or intiate her on it. She is however sending confused signals as to whether its a booty call or something more - she may have called you out of need for validation and horniness. She sounds like a girl I dated last summer, a freak (didn't love herself and looked for guys to treat her like shit, what she expects) - I'd probably leave her alone, other women out there who aren't head cases. Her pissy reaction to you seems way out of left field unless you're not painting the proper context. Her telling you about her ex was to draw you in through jealousy, and probably to also be a bit spiteful taking advantage of the fact that she knows you like her. I don't think you did anything glaringly wrong, I think you're messing around with what's probably a very young, unstable girl. All in all I think her behavior is more of a personal statement about her rather than anything you did or didn't do. I wouldn't lose sleep beating myself up over it and instead just throw her into the 'freak' category.
this?
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