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Hey Don, I read your post with great interest, you're really good at giving advice, thumps up! keep up the good work!!
My problem SPAM is that I have this HB8 at my school, who I find absolutely stunning! I’m normally not intimidated by girls, but there’s something about this one.. When I try to approach a girl I always variate my style so it matches the girl (such as being cocky, funny, sweet, arrogant and so on). The style I use most is definitely David D’A. cocky & funny “role”.
The problem with this girl is that I just don’t know how to approach. She is really beautiful, and very much sought after by guys. When I meet her on the hall, I try to gain eye-contact with her. I succeed but, I can’t hold it!
She seems a bit shy (but I can’t tell for sure, since I’ve never spoken to her). We were together at a party, where I saw her k-close with a totally douche bag (so she’s probably into arrogant guys)
I went to a party yesterday, where I had my A-game on! I tried to find her, and when i finally did, another dude was k-closing her (aggaiin).
So on my way home I bump into her and I make a really bad opener; something like "U must be freezing, how do you survive? (she had bare legs, and it was like 0 degrees outside). She was hurrying home, so it didn't seem like she was interested in a conversation. Therefor I let her go.
Any advice?
Thanks in advance!
Well, here's the first thing that you need to realize : She's NOT attracted to bad boys and douche-bags.
Sure, you can label those guys as such, depending on their qualities and antics but let's be honest, if we are going to look for the underlying quality, it's that this "bad boy" type is known for being very upfront and bold about what they want. And they pull back no punches from their words either. That's the lesson you need to take away.
No one likes an asshole. No one likes a jerk. Not even women. They are just attracted by the underlying qualities. Cultivate the same qualities in your personality and you should be doing as good, if not better than the so-called "bad boys".
Your second problem is that you've been putting the girl on a pedestal. If you've already secured her position as above you, then you've de-valued yourself and that's not a healthy mindset to have. At the same time, I find it a bit strange how your self-esteem would even allow you to consider another human being 'above' you, just because he/she gets more attention. Stupid mistake. Get rid of that belief. We are ALL the same. Sounds like a tagline for a lot of social equality programs, I know. Who cares. It's true. Get that drilled inside your head.
Finally, stop worrying so much about sounding cool and suave and all that. You're in high school, for crying out loud. You basically have no idea about so many things and yet, you want to come off as a world-weary, all-knowing guy. Well, no dice. If you're a student, be that part and use that to your advantage.
Does she make you nervous? Use that.
Is she pretty? Use that.
And here's a quote from the movie Roger Dodger. Every word is worth it, in gold. Use it wisely.
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Roger: Hi, Angela. My name is-- What is it?
Darren:Darren.
Roger: My name is Darren. Every time I see you in the hall, I have the urge to talk to you. So I try to think of something clever to say... but I get so nervous...
that nothing comes out. We don't know each other right now, but I'd like to maybe... invite you out for a soda sometime so that we could talk. I'd like to see what we have in common. But most of all, I'm curious to find out... what kind of person you really are... because I am tired of looking at you from a dist--
And so on and so forth. Take that out for a spin. See how it works.