Hey guys, what’s up? I thought I’d make a journal to track my progress on my journey from AFC to PUA. I’m not necessarily expecting lots of people to follow this, but any input is certainly welcomed. I’m doing this in a way to “put myself out there” so to speak. I think if I make a journal and keep it online for people to see, it might motivate me to do more than I would if I just did this on my own. I guess I’m really doing this for me, but if this can help, inspire or amuse anyone else who reads it, then all the better.

I’m only on page 7 of AFC Daniel’s journal as I write this, but I was inspired by it so far and liked how he laid it out. It was nice and clear and broken down into sections. I’m going to model my journal roughly after his using similar format.

Well, let’s get started.

Who am I ?

I’m an “older” guy, well into my 30s and I am in university working on another degree on a part-time basis. I am fortunate to have good genes because most people would guess that I’m in my mid to late 20s at most. I’m a good looking guy (so I’ve been told), keep myself in great shape, and I’m fairly intelligent. I work out regularly and keep in excellent shape with Muay Thai training. And yes, most of my “game” will take place at school.

I’m a kid at heart, I look young, act young, dress young, and I can relate with young people and really think of myself as a guy in his mid to late 20s.

I know some people may say or think “go after girls your own age” etc. If you’re one of those people who gets offended by an older guy liking younger girls, well save your criticism and opinion as I’m not doing this to argue with anyone. If you don’t like it, that’s cool, just move on to the next journal.

I want what I want, and that’s all there is to it.

I go to a fairly large Canadian University in Ontario.

My past experience with picking up/relationships etc

- From roughly age 24-28 I was going to bars/clubs every weekend, getting hammered, and generally doing very well with girls.
- I’ve never had a LTR in my life.
- I’ve had tons of one night stands, short term flings etc.
- during this period I had no game, I used alcohol and lots of it.
- Outside the bar and being drunk, I’ve had next to zero success in picking up girls my entire life.
- Once I discovered alcohol, it seemed all my past problems were solved. Unfortunately, I liked to drink a little too much, and as a result developed a drinking problem.
- It’s been years now since I’ve quit, and since I don’t drink I don’t go to bars anymore, so I’m really only left with gaming girls at school, on the street, or in a mall.

My “hangups” or areas that hold me back or opportunities for improvement

- I have pretty bad AA
- I have a fear of social rejection or rejection in general
- I can communicate fine in small groups of people (usually 4 or less)
- I quiet down considerably to the point of saying nothing in large groups
- I have a general lack of confidence
- I have social anxiety
- I fear failure
- I fear being judged
- Even though I look very young, I am hung up about my age and growing old

A recurring problem that I’ve had at school and in general

Here is a pattern that I’ve noticed happens to me time and time again:

A girl give me an IOI – I look at her – she looks back – I keep looking but do nothing (no smile, no approach) – she stops looking – I continue to look at her to get “one more chance” to redeem myself by smiling or approaching – she continues to ignore me – I get one-itus and still think there’s a chance – I keep looking - I potentially creep her out by continuing to look at her.

This shit is gonna change.

The “Age” thing

I’ve been at the school part-time for a couple of years, and in that time I’ve had more than just a few girls that have shown me IOIs, but I almost always have pussied out and looked away first and never approached. I have it in my head that the girl is thinking “that guy is cute, he’s probably in his mid 20s”. Meanwhile, she’d probably fall out of her chair if I told her my real age. So there is part of my dilemma. I feel that it’s a double edged sword for me looking so young. It’s great that I get the attention that I do, but it would literally almost crush me if I got talking with a girl that showed me interest only for her to say “eww you’re old” once I told her my real age. But, maybe that’s the price I have to pay for trying to ‘game’ girls that are that much younger than I am.

What’s “funny” is that from the outside if you looked at me, you’d think I was some confident “player”. I wear stylish clothes, walk with a little swagger, hold my head high. Basically I do a good job with the “image” and body language stuff, but I really fall short when it comes to meeting new people, being confident and generally social. I’m usually pretty good with conversation once it starts, so for me it’s just getting past the initial meeting. AA is what really kills me.

A bit of background about myself that may be relative to this journal

- worked for a few years in customer service, so I am used to dealing with people and I consider myself fairly good at communicating.
- I’m good at keeping a conversation going for the most part, and if anything I might, at times, talk too much and not let the girl speak as much. I guess I dominate most convos that I have. One on one I’m totally confident, but put me in a group and you wouldn’t even think I was the same guy. It’s bizarre and I struggle with trying to rationalize that to figure out why I’m like that. I really have a fear of being judged by people I guess, or I’m afraid of saying something silly in a group and being made fun of. That sounds silly, because nobody would ever do that. I’m not a big guy, but I do look fairly intimidating for the most part, as people rarely ever “mess” with me. So I don’t know what my problem is. Maybe I’m afraid of failure.

What do I want? What are my main goals?

- to become a better person overall
- to be more confident with talking to girls
- to get rid of AA or at least be able to approach when I need to
- I’d eventually want a LTR, but I’m not opposed to playing the field for awhile to get myself back in there after being away from the “game” for several years.
- get rid of one-itus
- be confident talking and interacting with larger groups of people both male and female

Similar to above. Main areas I’d like to work on or could use advice on how to improve:

- get rid of AA
- gain confidence in talking with people
- speaking in front of people/groups
- build self confidence
- not give a shit what people think of me

What PUA material do I know or am familiar with?

I bought and read “The Game” by Neil Strauss. I’ve read about Mystery Method online. I’ve watched various pick up videos on youtube, and I’ve been looking at this forum off and on for a couple months or so.

What “style” of game will I use or am most comfortable with?

Even though I see a lot of people on this forum prefer direct game, I think, at least for now, I’m more comfortable with indirect game. I feel a bit more comfortable approaching with indirect game partly because of the age difference. I feel that I can come across as “less creepy” that way and the girl might be more at ease. That way I can judge her reaction to talking with me, and I can eject rather painlessly if it’s obvious she’s not into talking to me.


Well, that’s probably a longer intro/first post than most journals, so I’ve probably lost most readers by this point! lol .. I just wanted to give some background info so people could get a rough idea of who I am, where I’m coming from, and where I want to go.

Cheers!

Let’s get caught up to date with the couple of approaches I’ve done recently.

Before classes ended in the beginning of December, I did make two approaches at school that I’ll mention here so we’re all caught up to date!

First approach was around the beginning of November soon after I discovered the PUA community and had read “The Game” by Style.

First approach

HB8.5 sitting on a bench in front of the library. I walked by first, noticed her but there were no seats on the other benches near her. I walked by maybe 5 mins later, there was a spot, so I sat down. I broke the 3 second rule by about 10 minutes when I finally got the balls to talk to her with my indirect opener.

I used an opinion opener about tattoos, and whether she liked them on guys etc. It went pretty well, it turned out she likes them, and she had a couple herself. I talked to her for maybe close to 10 mins about tattoos. Then I sort of screwed up and ended the convo by saying something like “thanks, yea I was just curious about that and wanted an opinion”. I left it like that, and she went back to reading her book or whatever she was doing. I was going to re-start the convo after a bit, but her phone rang, she talked for a minute to whoever it was, then got up and left.

What I did wrong:

- waited too long. I should have opened her pretty much as soon as I sat down.
- when I first said “excuse me” and asked the opinion opener, I spoke too fast, maybe mumbled a bit, and she had to ask me to repeat part of what I said!
- I ended the convo too early and sort of turned away from her! Don’t know why I did that.
- I should have moved the convo away from tattoos after a bit and just kept going but I was still sort of nervous from the anxiety of the whole thing.

All in all, the interaction went pretty well, and I think if I had continued, it might have led somewhere. Who knows. At the time I was just happy that I had the balls to do it and the whole thing went reasonably well.

Second Approach

This approach was maybe 4 or 5 days after the first one. This one wasn’t much at all, it was basically just a situational comment I made to a girl on a bench.

I was on the bench, and a girl (HB8) sat on the bench pretty close to me. She was reading and wasn’t looking at me or anything. The bench didn’t have a back on it, and it was rather uncomfortable to sit on.

My plan was to sort of stretch my back, reposition myself and comment to her on how uncomfortable these benches were to sit on.

It was pretty ridiculous, I probably stretched and repositioned myself about 6 times before I finally spat out my sentence about how uncomfortable the bench was.

So, after about 6 stretches I finally did it, and not much happened, she basically smiled and agreed with me, and that was pretty much it. I left it at that, and she stayed for about 5 mins more then got up and left.

What I did wrong:

- again I waited too long. I sat there and stretched and choked each time and couldn’t bring myself to spit out my sentence!
- I should have kept the convo going. But like the last approach, I was just happy that I finally did it and opened my mouth!


So those were the 2 approaches that I did before the Christmas break. For me anyways, that was some progress, because in the past I would never talk to a girl like that who I didn’t know. It’s a start anyways.

Well, today started off pretty good, but mid-day I got a bit sour.


Approach

This wasn’t much of a conversation, but it was just something to help me get over my AA, or at least help it a little.

HB7.5 sat on a bench near me, she wasn’t necessarily my “type” but I thought I’d just open her for the practice. This wasn’t much of an ‘open’, as I simply asked her where a particular office was within the school that I had to go to. The convo wasn’t much more than her telling me where it was and me commenting how that department had recently moved on campus.

positive

I didn’t really hesitate much at all once I had decided what the hell I’ll ask her the question. I just turned in her direction and spoke. Not a big deal for most people perhaps, but in my previous approaches I have tended to freeze, stall, and choke at times when I’m deciding to open.

negative

I still wasn’t really confident in my delivery of what I said. It wasn’t bad, but I need to work on just relaxing, slowing down, speaking loud and clear, and enunciating the words so they’re clear and understandable.

I had opportunity to continue the convo as she got up for a minute and came back to the bench and sat there a few minutes later. Her friend showed up a moment or two after that and they both left.

I was happy with what I did overall, as it was just some practice at opening a stranger for a brief interaction. I’d like to try to do this if not everyday, at least a few times each week.

What got me ‘sour’

Long story short:

Before the Christmas break I got IOIs from a HB9 – I walked by her on the bench but choked and didn’t sit beside her to talk – same time the next week, she was in the same spot – I was sure she was waiting for me to approach – there was hardly anyone around, it was the perfect opportunity – I choked again, just kept walking and gave her a little smile – next time I saw her, she gave me IOD – she looked away as was walking by.

So I saw her again today briefly, but we were walking in opposite directions. I saw her another time as I was walking around a corner and she was there sitting waiting to get into a class. I sort of “panicked” and turned in the opposite direction because I was surprised to see her. I had no time to think at all, I just sort of bailed in a different direction because as soon as I turned the corner she was right there. I don’t think she saw me, or at least I hope to fuck she didn’t or that would have looked really fucked up on my part.

I’ve probably fucked it all up by now, but I know where one of her classes is, so I’ll consider approaching her next week same time. If not, it’s done and I won’t look at her at all anymore so I don’t appear to be some creeper. This chick is gorgeous, probably in her early 20s.

Anyways, I was pissed off at myself for acting like some sack-less pussy. I’m so sick and tired of saying “next time” to myself. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Update

I wouldn’t really call this an “approach”, as this was just an interaction with a few girls in my class. I guess it could be called an approach, because I didn’t know them before and I took the initiative to start a conversation with them.

Long story short:

Started new class last week – got definite IOIs from brunette HB8.5 – A few brief words between us and I said “see you next week” at the end of class – I was waiting for this Tuesday to see how things would unfold when I saw her again.

This class is a “lab” type of class where we move around a lot and often partner up for activities. I started talking to her making small talk etc. before the class started. I even slightly negged her and disagreed with something she said, but I did it in a playful cocky way.

There is another girl in the class that’s cute too, a blonde HB8.5. Well, we were told to partner up and the blonde HB8.5 and I made eye contact and she asks me if I wanted to be partners. I said yes. A few minutes later, I noticed the brunette HB8.5 was looking over at us a few times, it appeared that she was a little jealous!

What I learned from this

Girls can be jealous creatures. In the past, if I was interested in the brunette HB8.5, I would have never partnered with the blonde. I would have stuck around waiting for the brunette to ask me to be partners, or for us to look at each other. Basically I would have hung around her like an AFC waiting to be partners with her. I wouldn’t have wanted to make her “mad” by going with another girl and ruining my chances.

In reality, it had the opposite effect. By partnering with the blonde it seems that I showed that I wasn’t needy, and was willing to talk to other girls. It may have raised my social value a bit too. Whether something comes out of this or not doesn’t really matter, but it’s another “lesson” that I’ve learned and has been reinforced.

Another “approach”

This wasn’t an approach that I made, but it was an example of a cocky/funny comment I made to a girl and I did it in front of a few people.

There was a girl (hired gun) at the school promoting an energy drink. She was extremely bubbly and bouncing around promoting the energy drink company she worked for. There was a very small crowd around her as she was passing out free cans of the drink. Since she was so bubbly and “hyped” up, I said “so how many of these things have you had today?” in a playful cocky tone. She replied in a laughing way saying “none!”. I said “Ha, you’re lying!” also in a playful cocky tone.

That was it, and it wasn’t much, but for me the significance was that I spoke out in front of a few people and said that to the girl promoting the energy drinks.

Well, that’s about it for my ‘updates’, I hope to have some bigger and better things to report soon!

Update from last post RE: the blonde and brunette in my new class

Well, it looks like my neg comment and partnering with the blonde backfired on me! Lol.. Or maybe she’s playing the game too and now I don’t know what to do.

Yeah, I’m in a pissed off mood today. The day started well. I went to my class, and I was pretty social commenting on things and talking a bit more than I normally might, so I was pretty happy with things until I went to my new class that I spoke about in my last post.

I could use anyone’s opinion/advice on the following:

I’ll do a long story short/recap of my previous post, and add what happened today:

New class this semester – got IOI from brunette HB8.5 – talked to her a bit – next class talked more – disagreed with something she said and “negged” her in a playful way – partnered up with a different girl blonde HB8.5 – seemed to make brunette jealous as she was looking over at us a few times. – left the class with a smile saying “see you later”.

That brings me to today:

I playfully negged her about what she was wearing (she commented on the same thing herself last class, so I only really repeated the playful “neg”) – she commented by saying “blah blah … I’m not trying to impress anyone! – lol IOD! – I really didn’t say anything except made another comment almost like I didn’t even hear her say that – I noticed she seemed a bit “colder” towards me today.

My questions:

I understand when I ask for advice that you guys can only see things from my point of view and based on my own interpretation of how things went, but nevertheless.

- Assuming the IOI was genuine at first, is her telling me “I’m not trying to impress anyone” a sort of shit test or something?
- Did I maybe neg her too much, or did she feel I may have been “picking on her”?
- Is this just her way of throwing a bit of IOD or neg back at me, or does this mean that she’s really not interested? (hard for me to tell, as it’s times like this that I second guess myself and wonder if I read things wrong from the start)

This girl gave me a legit IOI the first class by saying something like “I like the way you look” , so that’s obviously an IOI. So what’s up now? I don’t know what to make of it. I’m not the type that’s going to chase her, that’s for sure, so I’m not sure what to do from here.

To make things worse, this teacher is a bit of a dick, and I was pissed off after class and I may even drop this course. But I’m thinking maybe I should go to one more class to see how she reacts to me before I say fuck it and drop the class.

I may have already slammed the last nail in the coffin today when the class was over. She left first, and we have to walk outside to get back to the main building. It was raining and shitty out, and she was walking ahead of me. I was walking faster, I caught up to her, passed her and just said “see you later” but didn’t stop to talk, I just kept walking at my pace toward the main building. Maybe I should have slowed down and walked with her instead of just saying “see you later” and passing her. To her that must have been a IOD. So maybe I killed it off right there.

Normally I know how to play things, or at least have a vague idea, but in this case, I really don’t know what to make of her saying “I’m not trying to impress anyone”. Maybe she felt self conscious or was pissed off at me sort of making fun of what she was wearing. But like I said, she was the one who brought it up first the other day, and she had the same type of shirt on, so I just basically repeated it.

So I’m thinking between the neg I gave her, partnering with the blonde, and then negging her about what she was wearing today was enough to piss her off and say “fuck this guy”. See this is where I get pissed off and think I shouldn’t even fuck around with negs and things like that, because now it just seems like I’m fucking around playing games with this chick instead of getting to know her and getting somewhere. Or do I just not know how to react when someone plays the game back at me?

My inclination is to just say fuck it, because to be honest I guess I have a bit of an ego, and I couldn’t bring myself to suck up to this chick and try to be nice only to have her shoot me down. If that happened, she would “win”, and that would piss me off. Should I even be thinking like that? Should I go to one more class just to see if it’s salvageable?

Man, how quickly my mood can change… lol fuck. Before the class I was feeling pretty good, but once that happened my mood went south in a hurry.

Anyone out there reading this care to comment?

Well, I’ve had a few hours since I wrote my last post to calm down a bit, talk to a buddy of mine and re-think today’s events.

I think this brunette chick just might be the bitchy type. There are a few more insignificant details I won’t bother to mention, but she does sort of come across as a bit “weird” or different. So having said that, who knows what she’s thinking or what her train of thought is.

I think I’ll go to the class next week and give it one more shot and see how it goes.

In the meantime, I really want to do some more approaches and get something on the go. I really want to get a number and start working towards getting laid. Unfortunately, I’m done school for the week, and won’t be back until Monday. There is a chance I might just go there tomorrow anyways, but I do have some other things to do so I might just have to wait until next week. We'll see.

Cheers!

Good day today, a bit of redemption!

Approach

HB7 sitting on the benches looking at her laptop. I just wanted to open her for some practice and to help with my AA. I asked her if she was a major in the same subject as I am, she replied “no”. I knew she wasn’t, but it was just something to say to start the convo. I said that she looked familiar and said another word or two. I asked what her major was, she told me, and I commented on it and left it at that. A few moments later a couple of her friends showed up and she got up and left.

It wasn’t much of an interaction, but like I said, I mainly wanted to just open her for the practice. I did pretty well, as I didn’t really freeze or wait too long before I spoke to her. My delivery was ok, but I was still a bit nervous but overall I think it went fine.

Next Approach

I saw the girl from Mon Jan 9th. She’s the one I wrote about when I said “what got me sour”. I choked and didn’t approach her before the break, and I saw her again last week but sort of choked again. So today I see her again, and have a chance to redeem myself.

So I saw her sitting by herself on the bench with hardly anyone around. I just couldn’t let this opportunity slip by me again. I walked by her and said “Hey what’s up”. She was eating something at the time, but she looked up and smiled at me. There was a drink stand near there, so my plan was to go buy a drink, and if she didn’t bail out of there by the time I paid for it I was going to sit on the bench beside her and talk to her.

So she stayed there while I got my drink and I went over, sat on the bench beside her and said something like “So how’s it going?”. She replied, and I think one of the first things I said was “so are you superstitious?”. She looked a bit confused and said “no”. I said “well it’s Friday the 13th today!”. She sort of laughed and said “oh yeah, it is”. I said something about how I was listening to the radio on the way to school and was surprised about how many people made a big deal out of the day (that was a lie, but it was something to say).

Things went well, and I talked to her about various subjects on the bench for the next 30-40 minutes. Maybe I even stayed too long, but we talked pretty much non-stop the whole time. I ended up leaving, but before I did I wrote down my number and gave it to her. She seemed interested, for sure.

I know I should have asked for hers instead, but I just feel that it’s so much easier to just give her mine and leave the ball in her court to call/text me if she wants to. I guess it’s that fear of rejection thing that I have, but I have a good feeling that she’ll get a hold of me.

I was very happy that I got a chance to redeem myself. I was glad that I finally got another chance to approach her after thinking that I had probably butchered it previously from having no balls and not doing anything when I saw her.

Good day, I’m really glad I ended up going to the school today!

Things that I could have done better:

- I didn’t do any kino. It was sort of hard, because we were on different benches that were right beside each other, but still.
- should have got her # instead of giving her mine.
- I’d like to try things like the ESP routine, or the cube, or the lying game, but I just wasn’t feeling it, and maybe I don’t know them well enough. But the conversation flowed and there seemed to be quite a bit to talk about as it was.
- I’m being hard on myself, because I think I did pretty well, but I could have been a little more confident, held eye contact a bit better at certain moments, and maybe told a few more DHV type stories.

Well, I don’t have anything really new to update the journal with, but I do have a little update on two of the girls I was talking about in my last two entries.

First, the girl that I talked to last Friday on the benches for 30-40 mins. I haven’t heard from her yet which is a bit disappointing. I gave her my number, but I didn't ask for hers.

Looking back on the interaction, I’m thinking that I should have got out of there much sooner than I did. I should have stayed and talked to her for maybe 20 mins at the most, and I should have got her number. I may have lingered too long and come across as a bit of an AFC. The conversation went pretty well, and it certainly wasn’t forced, so that’s why I stayed so long to talk. There are a few reasons why I think she hasn’t got a hold of me, but oh well, I need to do some more approaches and not sit back and wait for her.

Another ‘mistake’ that I made was that I think our convo was pretty basic and generic. We talked about school, work, sports, hobbies, family, things like that – basically just getting to know each other. But there wasn’t any romantic/sexual type of talk at all. So basically I didn’t do anything to steer the convo in that direction. And maybe I asked too many ‘interview’ type questions as well.

I don’t know, at the time things seemed like they were going well, and after I left I felt so good like I just conquered a piece of the world. Now I’m sitting back here and second guessing everything because she hasn’t got a hold of me. She still might, but I thought that she would have done so by now.

Secondly, I talked to that brunette girl in my “lab” class again. I actually completely ignored her, and it seemed to work. She came right up to me, and stood beside me and made a few comments trying to engage me in conversation. I ended up being partners with her again and it seems like she’s interested again. She’s a bit of a weird one, but ignoring her seemed to make her come to me, for what that’s worth.

I could have approached a girl or two over the last couple of days, but I made a few excuses about why it wasn’t the right time, or some other excuse that told me not to bother to approach.

I’m going to definitely make an effort for tomorrow and Thursday, and I’m sure I’ll have at least one approach, even if it’s a minor interaction, to write about.

Another thing that I should mention is that I’m sort of making a shift in the type of “game” that I think I will use. I was reading the thread on inner game by “Stormy”, and the method that he talks about is more of a ‘natural’ method, as opposed to canned routines, opinion openers, and things like that. The thread I’m talking about is in my signature. It really is a great thread and so much of it seemed to make sense to me.

At least for me, I think that working on my inner game is the most important and crucial thing that I need to do. That’s not to say I won’t ever use opinion openers, or ‘games’ like the ESP game, but I think I may throw those in the middle of a conversation just for “fun”, or use them at moments when things might be going stale or at times when I think mixing in a “fun” vibe to the interaction might be a good idea. My own “style” of game, like many people’s, will likely end up being bits and pieces of various styles that I have read and come across on this crazy journey that I’m going on.

But I must say that I already can see an improvement in my general confidence, and I am very excited to say that. I’m a long, long, way from becoming a PUA, but it really makes me feel good to be able to honestly say that I can see myself getting better!

Cheers.

I ended up talking to one girl today, but the day could have been better overall. Some people were noisy in the lecture hall in my first class, and that sort of set my mood off to a bad start for the day. It was a real struggle to keep negativity out of my mind today, and I think my ‘game’ suffered because of it. Anyways, on to the ‘approach’…

Approach

Once again, like usual (lol), I was sitting on the benches when a girl (HB7) sat on the bench next to me. She was ok, so I decided to open her just for the practice and to help with my AA.

Similar to another approach, I started off by asking her where a particular office was on campus. I already know where it is, but for me, this is an easy, legit-sounding way to start a conversation. She told me where it was, and we exchanged a few words. I just left it at that. She went back to texting or screwing around with her phone.

A minute or so later, she was approached by someone trying to sell her something. Actually, it was a religious type of thing. She politely refused. I waited a minute or two after that, and commented to her that I regularly get approached for the same thing. I made a bit of a joke about how they approach me, she laughed, and we had a few more words and then I just left it at that. A minute of two later her friend showed up and they left.

This is one of those times where I could tell that there wasn’t anything there. She was polite and commented on what I said and was friendly enough, but she didn’t really make any effort to continue the conversation, so I just left it.

That is one of the reasons why I like this type of an ‘approach’. I can gauge her interest by how she’s reacting, and I can easily continue the conversation if she seems genuinely interested. Now I realize that I won’t be able to read every single girl, and as a result I may encounter a shy girl that actually does want to talk and I may lose her, but doing it this way saves me having to face the rejection that I might get if I came across in a more direct way.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know there is nothing wrong with being direct, but I think at least for now I’ll do it this way because I think if I got rejected that could deliver a blow to my ambition and confidence in approaching. I have to remember that I’m just starting out here, and have only done a handful or so approaches. I think it’s important that these first ones go as smoothly as possible, so I can build some confidence and momentum.

I could see myself almost developing a bit of a ‘routine’ based off of this interaction that I had today. I could see this working for me, as it is very easy to approach when I go about it this way because I know what I'm going to say.

I’d start off by asking where a particular office is, and then say a few words about that. Then I can switch gears and comment on how often people approach you to “sell” you something when you’re on the benches, and it gives me the chance to throw in my little joke about it too. And then if the girl seems receptive, I can continue the conversation. I think that just knowing the first few things that I’ll talk about will help me in approaching with more confidence.

What I did well

- I was confident while I was talking to her.
- My voice was loud, clear and I didn’t stutter or seem nervous
- I made a little joke that genuinely made her laugh

What I could improve on

- I should open her much sooner, like within the first minute or less of her sitting down.
- Even if she doesn’t show interest, I should try to continue the conversation a little anyways just for the practice. This girl didn’t seem bothered at all, it’s just that I didn’t get any sort of ‘vibe’ from her.

Things in general that I still need to improve

Eye contact – A couple of times a girl and I have made eye contact and I’ve looked away quickly or looked away first. That’s a bad ‘habit’ of mine, or it’s a reflex or something, but I have caught myself still doing that a bit. That needs to stop.

Smile – Similar to eye contact, in those few instances where I do lock eyes with a girl, I should smile right away. It doesn’t mean anything, and I’ll probably come across as more friendly if I do that instead of staring with a stone face or looking away.

More approaches – I need to ‘approach’ more. Even if it’s just a simple interaction like today on the benches, I need to do it more. And, I should also try to be friendly to guys and girls that I'm not interested in too. It wouldn’t hurt to have a few more people to say hi to, nod my head at etc. It would help me with ‘social proof’ as well.

Well tomorrow is my last day there for the week, and I might not have a lot of time to hang around, but I will try to do some sort of an approach if I get the opportunity.

Alright, let's take a look:
First, congrats on your decision to go alcohol free. Secondly . . . isn't it's amazing how habitual we can be?. . . You haven't told us exactly how you interacted with women before but man, you seem to have a knack for building barriers between you and the women you meet. - More on this later.

You're in school . . . if you have the time, take a class in oral communications, drama, creative writing, etc . . . This forum will offer you some ideas but those classes will give you opportunities to exercise those ideas.

In terms of pu related goals, it seems you've already tackled AA. And I don't think your assertions of all your 'fears' are correct. Reading through your entries, I think it's more likely that you suffer from 'phobo-phobia' rather than 'rejecta-phobia'. OK, I made these words up but give this possibility some thought. Our culture seems to hate 'fear' but it can do a lot for us. It raises our hear rate. It makes us more alert to specific situations. It heightens our senses. If we accept 'fear' for what it is, we can gain from it. Don't fight it. . . make it work for you.
We're too old to be playing the wishy-washy "I want to be the best person I can be" game. I know you already mentioned 'fear of failure' but by creating non-specific goals, you're setting yourself up for a non-project. Try to be more specific . . .
You're already too good at ^this. There's a time and situation for it but not giving a shit is an awful thing to be doing all the time. The point of the game is to create attraction. If you don't give a shit whether you do this or not, what's the point? It's 'giving a shit' that rewards you with positive emotions when you succeed. It's 'giving a shit' that inspires to analyze, strategize, learn, and execute better the next time. It's NOT GIVING a shit that gets you stuck in a ball of negative emotions. Give this some thought. Give a shit.

Game:

I realize that your goal with these 'approaches' is to tackle the AA issue but since you are now able to converse with these girls, I think it's important that you set some general pu-specific goals. Interacting with girls is like the economy, if it's not getting better, it's getting worse. If you are not creating a stronger connection, you are creating a barrier; you're only fortifying your 'stranger' status.

Your goal should be to get a number but you already knew that. . .

Prior to the number however, there are two other things you should consider:

what-is-the-best-way-to-ask-for-her-pho ... highlight=

For now, forget the cube, horse, checkers, direct, indirect, etc . . .

1. Open.
2. Connect.
3. Seed future fun.
4. Get number.
5. Go out.
6. Fuck.

That's pretty much it.

Just wanted to post so I can save this, I will read and follow this, and with your permission would love to add my 2 cents. I can be harsh and a bit of a douche at times, but I have been told I give moderate to really good advice. Hopefully I can be of the latter spectrum.

I too am a kid at heart and hope to be by thirty so right on (im still a kid so yea so far so good)

_________________
Best of Luck
-Raphael

Aspiring Artist

Read the adventures I take as I discover my way towards becoming a mPUA or a dPUA (decent PUA) including completing the StyleChallenge ---> raphaels-journel-vt119594.html

Hey Ksabi, thank you for taking the time to read through my journal and give such a detailed response! I've read a lot of your posts on the forum and in AFC Daniel's journal, and you give great advice. I'm still only about halfway through his journal.

Well, I used to 'pick up' girls in the bar when I was drinking. When I first started going to bars, I would barely drink, as I drove quite a lot. It wasn't until I started going to the bar already buzzed, and continued drinking when I got there that I had any success. I would basically stand around the dance floor, and try to get eye contact with a girl I was interested in. Even then, as drunk as I was at times, I would still never do a 'stone cold' approach. I would always wait for eye contact or some type of IOI. From there I guess I would move closer to her (or wait until she moved closer to me), maybe dance a bit if I was buzzed enough, and we would start to talk. To be honest, a lot of it was a blur, but that's more or less how things would go.

There were other times I'd meet girls at small house parties or gatherings, but again I was always drinking and would be more social. But that was pretty much it, most of my 'success' came from drunken nights that I barely remember and are mostly a blur in my memory now.

That's very interesting that you said that I seem to have a knack for building barriers between me and the women I meet. I couldn't agree more, and I don't know what I'm doing to make that happen.

Maybe part of it is that I'm too 'afraid' to push things and take it to the next level, so I stay in the 'interview' LJBF type of interaction. Or I'm too 'afraid' of being turned down, so I wait too long for more IOIs, or I just don't take that 'risk' of turning the conversation to a more attraction/sexual nature. I really don't know.

EDIT: I think another reason is that let my 'attitude' or ego get in the way, and I don't try enough or put myself out there enough.

I'd love to hear what you picked up by reading what I've wrote so far.
That's a good idea, I could really benefit from any type of public speaking practice, even though it usually 'terrifies' me.
I am getting better with the AA, and at least I seem to be able to do it now, so that's some improvement. But, all my 'approaches' have been 'indirect', as I have never said anything like "I just thought I'd sit down here and talk to you because you're cute". I don't think, at least right now, I could do a direct approach like that.

I'm not sure what you meant by 'phoba-phobia'. Do you mean I just have a fear of fear itself, or I'm just afraid of being in situations where I"m afraid? That would make sense, and there is probably some truth to it. But I do still fear the rejection though. I'm just being very honest here, and I think part of my fear is just the damage the rejection would do to my ego.

I know I shouldn't think that way, but I guess part of me just hates to "lose", and if a girl gets bitchy or rejects me, then she "wins" and I'm forced to walk away the loser. I know that's a bad way to think of things, and I know that holds me back, but I guess I need to condition myself somehow to stop thinking of it in that way.

I don't mean to come across and say that I'm arrogant, but I guess, just being brutally honest, there is a side of me that does let my ego get in the way. It's hard to describe, I know I have lots of faults, as everyone does, but I guess I think too highly of myself? I don't know, I'm having difficulty putting it into words or describing it.
That makes sense.


Yeah, I know what you mean. I'll try to think up more specific goals.


Again, that makes a lot of sense. It's interesting that you said I'm already too good at it. I'm a strange one perhaps! lol... I guess I can operate on either extreme of the spectrum at times. Sometimes I care 'too much' to the point of not wanting to say anything because of that 'fear' I have of failure or being judged by my peers, and at other times I'm not at all afraid to give a girl the 'fuck you too' type of body language, attitude or vibe if I get attitude or negativity from her.

But you're right, I have to care about what people think because the name of the game is attraction, and I need to care enough to make sure I'm building that attraction. I need to work on this aspect. I think that's a part of my game that I need to work on a lot - how to build the attraction. I guess in some ways, I'm not sure how to do that. I guess at the bars, things just seemed to happen naturally, and it all flowed together. But being sober and during the day it seems like a completely different game, and it's one that I'm not very good at playing yet.
Exactly. I seem to be able to 'approach' now with directions, asking if they're in a certain major, or other types of things, but I need to get better with the next stages. That's for sure. I really need to make a stronger connection. I think I'll need to do some more reading or get a bit of advice on how to build that stronger connection. It seems that I can open now, but now I need to move on to the next level.
Definitely. I'll read that link you gave me. Again, I guess for me I took the 'easy way out' by just giving her my #. That way I save the awkwardness of her telling me 'no'. But, I need to do it anyways, and 'break out of my comfort zone' as I've read about here on the forum several times.

Thanks for the link, I just read it. And those 2 things you wrote about make a lot of sense. Damn, I wish I had just done that last week instead of just basically dropping my number down then hoping for the best. Ah, live and learn I guess!


Yea, that's pretty much it broken down into what it's all about. Now I really need to work on the connect part. Thanks again man for all your help and insight, I really do appreciate it!

Hey, I'd love to hear any comments that you have, thanks for reading. I'm trying to grow a thicker skin for this, so no worries about 'harshness' of your comments! lol ...it's all good!

I'd love to hear any advice that you have.

Update on brunette HB8.5 from my new “lab” class

This is the girl that said “I’m not trying to impress anyone”, and the one that I said is a bit of a weird one. I won’t give much detail, as I don’t want to bog down this journal with too many insignificant interactions that will be boring to read.

I talked to her in class again, she seems to come near me a lot, and as a result we partnered up again. After class (she always leaves quickly and walks out first) I saw her in front of the building going through her bag. Instead of walking by like I did before, I stopped to talk to her.

We walked back to the main building together until she went the other way to where her car was parked. We just said bye and that we’ll see each other next week.

I just need to know how/what I should do from here to try to escalate this or to find out if there is something there or not. Since I said she’s a bit of a different type of chick, I could see her being the flirty type, or one that might flake on me, but I won’t know until I try.

On the way back, she talked about a bit of sexual stuff, like how another teacher would stare at her boobs, cleavage etc, and she talked about how she likes to smoke weed. I used to smoke, but don’t right now, but if I did, an easy way to talk to her more would be just asking her if she wanted to smoke one after class or something. Anyways, I’ll have to think of something else.

My only ‘worry’ is that if things don’t go well or if I get rejected by her if I advance, it could make the rest of the semester a little awkward. But I suppose that would depend on how I went about escalating things. Basically I need to find out if she’s interested, or if she just wants to flirt a bit and talk to me while we’re in the class together.

On a different note, I did one ‘approach’ that I won’t even really consider, but I’ll briefly mention it here because it was an approach on a strange girl:

HB5 on the bench beside me. I had a legitimate question because she had the same phone as I did, so I just asked her something and that was it.

I won’t be back at the school until Monday, so I hope to have some more progress to report early next week.

I don't think you understand the scoring system for this little game. The only difference between the rejector and the rejectee is the person who spoke out "no" first. The commonality is a MISMATCH. Your job is to create a match. If you REALLY think highly of yourself, wouldn't a match = win-win? But if it doesn't work out, both suffer the consequences of the mismatch; you don't get her and she doesn't get you. This is a lose-lose. There is no win-lose in a mismatch. Believe me, there is no 'win' in a girl hanging out by herself on Saturday night.
^This one's a lay-up.

Most members of this forum will tell you to capitalize on this situation by sexually escalating here. Doing one thing physically while contradicting yourself verbally is a fun gig. Obviously stare at her tits while you, "Really? That's so rude . . . I wonder any guy would stare at chick's boobs. That's really terrible." Then you rub the drool off of your chin. "I'm kidding, that's weird. . . I'm more of a vagina man." - Then you stare at her crotch. But I'm not really sure if this is your thing. Otherwise, read this:

view-previous-topic-vt92776.html?view=previous

Get yourself a date.