I have had fuck buddies and guys tell me that I am the best and stuff, so I don't think I am wrong about my skills. Maybe the ones that haven't come back for more haven't been left with 'a good feeling'. However, I could have figured that out for myself... It's really vague and doesn't give me much to go on to try and address the problem.
In the most recent example there was very little conversation involved, so there was no opportunity for him to discover any "issues" I have. I suspect I came across too strong in my subsequent text messages... After initially ignoring me, he seemed interested in arranging another session, but then began full on ignoring me when I guess I seemed too keen, even though I said I was too busy on certain days and stuff.
I think it is ridiculous to say that you guys know me better than I do. When I say something isn't the problem, then you should accept it. I am not being unreasonable; I am willing to accept that I am doing something wrong, but lack of interests, for example, is definitely not it!
I don't understand what you're getting at? The reason I said the thing you highlighted is because I was specifically responding to what Kasabi had written!

That's a great idea! Thanks
Yeah I'm trying! Thanks for the advice

What a great thread! Thanks

why not just go to some sex club, swinger thing, or craigslist?

if all you want is hook ups.

you are sure to find them there, no?

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

btw, if i had to guess what an issue may be...

i would say that you probably overcompensate in your attempt to show that you want NSA sex, thereby having a more masculine presence and making the men around you feel emasculated.

just reading what you right here, i can say that you have a "masculine" vibe to your personality. it isn't attractive to me.

there is a difference between:

- a woman who is incredibly into sex, and has a very very feminine presence
- a women who is incredibly into sex, and emulated masculinity in her sexual pursuits

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Because I find most people unattractive
Yeah I think you could be right. Like I am really into girly things and I love to dress girly, but yeah... I think you could be right.... I feel like I can relate more to guys in some ways, especially when it comes to sex. I am not sure how to change my approach to seem less masculine... It is definitely something that I try to be aware of, and yet I think I am still not getting it quite right...

How can this be done? Do you have any specific tips or behaviors that should be avoided?

i'm afraid to answer that, because it will get at an essential truth that is unpopular. lol. but true nonetheless.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

How intrigruing!

there are two truths in every situation...

1. the professed truth

and

2. the actual truth

the first truth (the "professed" truth) is what we say, what we want, and what we display.

the second truth (the "actual" truth) is how we feel at our core.

so, in the rest of this point, i am going to refer to the "actual truth"...

the actual truth is that for men (or people in general, really) to feel real attraction, we need one of two things:

(this goes against convention)

1. for a girl to want/need/love us

or

2. for there to be "potential" that a girl will want/need/love us



there you have it.

now, that doesn't mean that men can't enjoy NSA sex, because we can. but what that means, is that the novelty of NSA sex wears off almost immediately after the first encounter. now, we have two options at that point. what are they? i'll tell you.

option #1: keep trying to hook back up with this chick knowing that the novelty is gone, knowing that she is emotionally unavailable, and knowing that i will probably start to develop feelings for her. do you think that sounds like a good option?

option #2: go find novelty and NSA sex elsewhere...OR...actually build a relatioship with the girl.

your problem is that you "stance" doesn't allow for an option 2. the only thing you have to offer men after your first encounter is:

- no novelty
- no connection

um, what is attractive about that?

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

there is a subtle, yet significant, difference between:

- a woman who is not looking for a relationship, but is open to the possibility (attractive quality) "potential" is attractive, it's exciting.

and

- a women who is not looking for a relationship, and is completely closed to the notion (unattractive quality) "no potential" is boring, depressing even

.....

no man wants to think that, going in, if there is super chemistry, that this girl will be completely closed to the idea of furthering a connection to a deeper level. this crosses gender borders. your whole stance of professing "i do not want a relationship" is simply not an attractive quality. unless you are looking to attract only sex addicts who don't see you as a human.

the problem is that your "attitude" is that you aren't even open to CHEMISTRY happening. no guy is going to want you. lol

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Wow, that's really insightful. I see what you're getting at! I guess I've been emphasising the NSA thing too much... That's really only been to try and make the guy feel MORE comfortable and appeal to what I thought he would ultimately desire! I would personally prefer to just take it as it comes, and if a connection develops, go with it... *shrugs*

So do you have any practical advice about how a woman could go about striking the right balance between being too full on with wanting a relationship vs being too casual about the whole thing?

yes, indulge "friends with benefits"

a "friend" is still a relationship

and "relationships" have potential

or, at very least, are rewarding within themselves

take care of him like a friend

like once every week or two, go do something, something fun, and then ... FUCK

just don't emphasize the NSA or No-Relationship thing

also, when you announce to guys that you find most men ugly,

that is a huge red flag.

and something is quite off about that in and of itself.

even HB10s find most men attractive, unless they are genetic mutants or deformed.

they won't admit it, but they do.

guys are the same way, we find most girls attractive.

if you truly find "the vast majority" of men ugly, that scream "I AM SHALLOW" and unrealistic.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Also for me it is very insightful. Thank you very much.

more elaboration on your standards of "attractiveness"

attraction is like 90% not physical

the fact that you seem to judge men solely on their physical appearance is a turn-off in itself.

the reason:

men are proud of our toughness, our verbal game, our principles and standards, our senses of humor, our hygiene and style, our presence in general.

if you judge only on looks, it means you are shallow, because you don't "see" the rest of those things.

i see girls all the time who i think are insanely hot, the second they open their mouths, i laugh and walk away. ugly. as. fuck.

about 1/10 of attraction for me is physical.

meaning that as long as a girl isn't a fat, ugly, slob, with no hygiene or just plain mutant-like features... i will find her attractive IF she has a great personality.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!