The answer for when a girl thinks you're showing too much interest and want a LTR is to do a take-away. So, if she's calling you twice a day and you're answering, then don't answer any calls for a day or so and when you do finally return her call (I wouldn't answer a call, I'd do it on my terms), you're going to say, "Hey, what's up? I've been pretty busy, so I missed all your calls." This shows that you're not on her beck and call, you're not afraid to lose her interest, which in turn gets you more interest.

Stop touching her the instant she shows any signs that she isn't complying to you. So, you go out somewhere, or even if you stay in, you have your arm around her and you go to kiss her and she shows resistance, then you take your hands off her and angle your body away from her. If you're in a group situation, you can pay more attention to others, hell run game on other girls, to show that you're not so stuck on the relationship with her.

The key to a take-away is to make your body language do all the talking. You don't want to have your body facing her, but not touching her at all, or not talking verbally very much, because then you give this funny vibe that you're not uncomfortable and not sure how to proceed. You want to show disinterest through your body language, by keeping it focused on other things, but while still talking the same as always and showing that you are perfectly comfortable and at ease in the situation. You DON'T care about what she thinks your intentions are, you know what your intentions are and her opinion isn't going to change how you act about anything aside from how much attention your are giving her.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

You're right on all accounts in my opinion. I'm planning on making a detailed post on my take on negging soon, so keep your eyes peeled for it.

For now though, I'd say the example you used is your typical form of neg, a backhanded compliment. But you can also say something like, "OMG, I can't believe you wore THAT dress, sheesh girl, get some style! " and as long as its fully laden with sarcasm and she can tell you're just busting on her, then it works as a neg and will get a playful punch or something, to which you can escalate kino. Then, there's another common line that fits into the last one, "How can you guys hang out with this girl? She's so needy!" Used in a set when you're ignoring the target and talking with the obstacles and she starts to fight for your attention.

So, as you can see, negs can take many forms, its based on the frame you've established so far, how you say it, the content of what you're saying and several other things. Its often not something that you can put a stamp on and say, "This qualifies as a neg!" but is a case by case thing. The idea is to make her go, "Did he really just say that to me?" while not pissing her off. If you can do that, then consider it a neg.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

Quick question:

In a 1on1 situation with HB6-8.5, is it better to

1) neg her with the intention of letting her know that you're at least a little interested? E.g. inserting a wink in your deliveries.

or

2) neg her with the intention of just teasing her, treating her like you would any other person you meet, and analyzing her reaction to this? E.g. "OMG you're such a dork!"

_________________
afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

I like to keep it playful at most times. I'll slip into a deeper philosophical/psychological frame from time to time, but for the most part, I'm negging her with the intention of making her go, "God, this guy is fun and says stuff that no one else will, but he still respects me and doesn't do it to be a dick. I'll tease her and tell her that she needs some lessons in something with a big grin, then after I show her how I do it, I'll let her try again and then I'll tell her that its much better, but she's going to have to be my apprentice.

The key is to not come off thinking that you are the absolute best, no question about it. You've got to have a reason behind your neg, like having been doing something for a long time, or that you were taught by someone highly skilled. You want to one step back, two steps forward, or looking at it another way, maybe you've heard the phrase "break them down before you build them back up".

This can be applied to anything though, not just skills. Say you want to neg her hair, "I just wanted to tell you I like your hair, is it natural?" I'm not going to keep the conversation focused completely on her and keep picking her apart, I'm going to link back to me, by saying, "Check out my hair, this stuff is beautiful and its 100% real!" (I keep my hair shaved to about 1/4 inch, get it?) Now I could go into some stories about all the crazy shit I used to do with my hair when I actually had hair, so that she knows I have some knowledge in the area of looking good and I'm not just some weirdo with a hair fetish, but that I actually do see some beauty in her hair. All the while, I'm not making overt come ons, I'm just talking, being a friendly, fun guy that she decides she likes being around.

Once she starts to show me attraction, then I'm going to throw some negs at her with some subtle sexual innuendo to build sexual tension. An example of this, was when I had my juggling balls on a chair in my house and a girl was sitting on the edge of the chair so that she wasn't sitting on them. I said, "You know, you don't have to sit on my balls if you don't want to " She replied, "Maybe I like sitting on them " So already I've talked about "sitting on my balls", but we're just talking about juggling balls, but it comes off as a neg, because I've pointed out that she's being silly about not moving them and sitting comfortably. Then I said, "So are you gonna do a ping-pong trick later? " Again, sexual reference to when girls shoot ping-pong balls out of their snatch, but because I'm teasing her and I'm not acting like I'm making anything out of it, its fun and makes her want to play more with me.

I like negs, not because they bring a girl down a peg (although sometimes you really need to use them for this when a girl is on a high horse), but because they create this fun SPAM, where we don't take things too seriously and I let her know she can say and do whatever she wants and that I'm going to accept it. This is a great way to get her to open up sexually, because she knows I'm fun and I'm not going to judge her for trying to have fun too. The trick is not to keep it just straight forward fun, cause if you're just having normal "friendly fun", without any sexual tension, then you're into LJBF zone. Also, you can get away with sexual innuendo much easier when you're not acting like you want a response from her on it, you're just saying fun things.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

hey Rye, I got a question, or series of questions (i hope it hasnt already been answered):

Have you ever had AA? Do you still have AA? If so, how do you handle it in the field?

Unfortunately I can admit to having AA still (although Mystery says you never get rid of it, just reduce it). I just don't get out enough because of things in my life and where I live, not having a car and transit being utter shit in this city. I interact with people when I work though and I go into gas stations, people's houses, stores, run errands and other stuff, so I practice then.

I like just practicing seeing someone and deciding to make them like me, then start talking to them. You don't have to try to work on getting a girl's number in order to work on your AA and it takes a lot of the pressure off. Then, when you do want to get a number, you're so used to talking to girls it doesn't matter.

I've also worked on making myself understand that girls want to talk to interesting guys. They don't get to talk to a lot of guys that are interesting and aren't also overtly trying to get into their pants. If you just show that you're a fun guy and that you're nice and like to have fun, but don't make people do anything they don't want to, then they'll want to hang around you, giving you social proof. When you have social proof, you don't have to approach people, they come to you. If you're so used to people wanting to be around you, you have this positive feeling, where everyone can like you and so you have no fear approaching new people, cause you're going to make them like you too.

This is how I'm going about reducing my AA and its working pretty damn well. But this is just me, I've decided I couldn't handle destroying my ego by not showering for a month till I smell like a sewer, then wearing a dress and a goaly mask with a dildo glued to it for 2 weeks, so I figured I'd take the more social route. I think instead of distancing yourself from people, you should learn to like being around them better, that way you're much more of a natural and don't need canned routines, because you actually enjoy conversing with people.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

I have use text messaging alot in setting up a date.
I just text her and say.
"I just thought of something really neat we can do together."
Her:"blah,blah."
Me:" You know the Cherry Creek Mall downtown?"
Her: "blah,blah"
Me: "Meet me out in front of Dilliards at 7 O'clock."
I got this from a blog online and have had really good success with it. I used to try to get dates talking on the phone and got blown out alot. Now, with text messaging, I am able to get a girl to meet me about 70% of the time.

I thought about deleting your post, as its got nothing to do with "asking" or "Rye Lee", but I'm gonna give you the benifit of the doubt as you're new. Was there a question in there?

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

shit test:
you're obnoxious (just got this one ten minutes ago)

I said :
no one forced you to converse with me; guess there is some joy in my obnoxiousness.

reply:
you're right. no one forced me. ********************silence.

uh ohes! did i boo boo? either way, I am logically looking at it....stepping back.....TELLING MYSELF NO MESSAGING HER BACK! Why would I chase someone that just laughed and laughed in a conversation with me, then called me annoying. I don't have to prove value. I just entertained her for 30 minutes.

Took a fucking miracle for me to sign off and not tell her she is a roller coaster. But I didnt.

Also, I am pretty sure being called obnoxious is not a shit test...I think that is a direct insult. In which case, did I do the right thing by freeze out? And how long should I freeze out? This happened last night, and she is already messaging me this morning. Do I ignore her? Do I bring it up and make her feel bad? Or do I talk to her like it never happened?

_________________
[color=red:7c51ae7520]email is a better option: thelockestar@gmail.com[/color:7c51ae7520][/size:7c51ae7520]

I like how you responded, but when she replied, I would have negged her lightly to get her back on track, or just changed threads completely. Maybe after she went silent, or even from the start, turned it around on her. Like you said, "obnoxious" isn't a very good shit test, its outright rudeness, but maybe intended as a shit test, so you teach her some manners when dealing with you.


HB: you're right. no one forced me. ********************silence.
You: You know, I may be obnoxious, but calling someone "obnoxious" is rude, you should learn a better way to say it.
HB: Oh yeah? How? (most likely response)

Then you just go into overly polite ways of telling someone they are obnoxious and I like to wrap it up with a very flirtatious way of saying it, that makes you sound like you're actually incredibly suave and seductive and that's why she busted you on it, because she's so turned on. Its NLP, you insinuate her feelings, so she feels them.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

I know this is one of the most difficult pickups but I need help picking up a stripper.I been to this strip club once before and she is an HB8. I just need flat out advice on how to deal with it. I know I have to turn off her stripper mentality but how can I do this?? What are some of the things I should do? Ex. Have a wing, how much negging? Etc.... any help is much appreciated
P.S I just want to be able to number close and it has to be done in a rather short time because these girls out here in South Beach are money hungry.

_________________
"Through rejection you gain knowledge"

Well, the basics are pretty straight forward, don't buy lap dances, don't give the strippers money at all, don't pay a lot of attention to them while they're on stage, or look at their bodies while you're talking to them. That's about as far as my knowledge of picking up strippers goes, I haven't tried yet, so I don't have much advice aside from saying that you should use the search tool, because I know there have been some discussions about picking up strippers. If you can't find anything that really helps and you're set on picking up a stripper, then there is a whole section devoted to it in the PMZ that you can pay to get into.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

Rye Lee not really a question, but, I am scared of VDs. I don't really drink (I hate hangovers), I don't do drugs, (Coast Guard) and I have my head screwed on pretty tight, I know where I am going whatnot, but the only thing that actually scares me about pickup is diseases. Well, actually just the big two, AIDS & Herpes. Don't get me wrong the others would suck. I am still a virgin, but would like to have ~20-30 women by the time I take the plunge and go for just one. What do you suggest? (This may have worked better as its own thread but with you I am guarateed at least one response)

I understand the fear of STD's (or STI's as people are calling them now), better than you might think, but that's a story I'll save for a later date. What I'll tell you now, is that if you are climbing into bed with a girl that you don't know well enough to trust her word that she's been tested recently and that she's clean, then you have a very good reason not to have sex with them, but with protection you still have something like 98% safety against infections. If that isn't a good enough safety margin for you, then wait until you can be sure of her. There's nothing wrong with asking someone about their sexual habits, or how regularly they are tested these days, you just need to be tactful about it. Don't be timid, but don't be forceful and look for a ton of details, just ask whether they get tested regularly and if they think that its a funny question, just tell them that you make sure that you are regularly tested (if you're a virgin and haven't been swapping blood or other fluids with people, then you can say this without it really being a lie, because you know that you haven't lost your virginity yet).

I'd recommend against giving oral sex to people that you aren't sure about being clean, because you can get just about everything from that and oral herpes isn't any better than genital.

Remember, unless you are in an exlusive relationship with someone and they are exclusive with you as well, don't have unprotected sex, because its just not a risk worth taking if you can't be sure that they have taken care with their partners, always use a condom!

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

Okay so there's this HB7 I've been working with for about 3 years now. So we've known each other for a long time. And we flirt, and I feel like I get some IOI's at times, like her playfully hitting me and stuff. But I'm not sure how to game her, like I dunno how to escalate and eventually hook up. Advice?

_________________
"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." - Lou Holtz