UPDATED: 8/31
For the tl;dr short version, please just skim these points:
Goal:
To get target to meet me for a Day 2, dodging the LJBF zone, and gaining solid ground on making her my GF.
History/Context:
- 1. Girl I've known for a long time (she used to date someone on the fringe of my social circle) recently starts showing interest in me.
- 2. After some flirting at gatherings of mutual friends, I ask her to have lunch w/ me.
- 3. Three-hr lunch, kino, compliance, fair number of IOIs, but she has a very flirty personality in general (mischievous).
- 4. I don't solidly close, but when I mention my interest in taking a roadtrip this Labor Day wkend, she seems interested, despite other tentative plans she has. Also seems interested in a couple other activities w/ me (sports, cooking, etc).
- 5. Two days later, she emails me and a group of her friends, saying we should go on this trip for the wkend. (thus, she canceled her other plans)
- 6. I play it cool and blow her off, calling her to say I have other plans (trying to be scarce here, but I also know I'll have trouble with isolating/kino in this group--they know me very well (unlike her), and will find this new shit I'm trying to pull utterly hilarious/call me on it). She takes it in stride, and is noncommittal about joining up with me after her trip, for a different event I'm going to.
Next Steps:
What would you do? Keep playing it cool, until she makes a move? Wait a week, then ask her out for one of those other activities we talked about?
Detailed post (the old one) follows here:
Quote:
Hi all,
First off: lots of respect for the community here--I've learned so much already over the past few months I've lurked around this, and other PUA sites, and I can tell that there are some incredibly useful skillsets to be learned from reading and practicing some of the advice given here. Apologies in advance for the wall of text, and thanks for any insight you may be able to give. I didn't have a really specific question, just wanted some general advice on what you guys might do for next steps here (to escalate, make her my GF, avoid LJBF zone etc.).
This is definitely TMI, but I don't really know where to start, so I'm giving a vast overview of how this entire thing has unfolded. Any critiques or pointers for places I'm messing up would be incredibly helpful too.
Me: I'm really new to the game and PUA in general: it's always been something I've wanted to try out sometime, but it isn't until recently that I 'snapped' and have been on something of a self-improvement binge (literally, this has consumed my life). FYI, I'm extremely inexperienced with women, but I'm not too bad socially (a little awkward at times, but I can also be charismatic when I try). I've been reading up on PUA and doing exercises to become more social, but I'm still very much a beginner.
LJBF situation:
1. Girl I've known for a long time (but on the 'fringe' of my social circle) broke up with her longtime BF about half a yr ago. Here are a few key details:
-Have always felt some chemistry w/ her in our interactions in the past, but because I knew her BF as well, I never really gave it much thought. Also she's very attractive, and has a flirty personality. (probably HB8?)
-Her BF works across the border for long periods of time, so she built up a social circle of guys at home who are basically like guard dogs: a bunch of single/with GF/married guys she has LJBF'd who fawn over her because they are still interested, commenting on how hot she is, etc. Things are probably heightened now that she's single.
2. Saw her for the first time in a long while about 2 months ago at a mutual friend's party: felt like I received some IOIs (looking at me and giggling, talking to me a lot, sitting near me). I froze up and acted really awkward in response, and she seemed a bit disappointed by this and ended up totally ignoring me for the rest of the night.
3. Week later, saw her again at mutual friend's house: totally ignored me. This frustration at not being able to do anything or...knowing how to handle a girl's interest was really the catalyst for this all-consuming PUA and self-improvement binge I've been on for over a month now. I say catalyst for change, because although she has provided the spark, this is something I want to master for my life--not just for her. I would like to learn as much as I can from this encounter, but by no means do I rest all my hopes on it (aka oneitis).
4. Randomly met her on the subway home from work (long ride). We hit it off great but at this point I still didn't know much about how to escalate/kino/DHV etc. so in retrospect I just see this as a lot of comfort building not going anywhere (other than LJBF zone!). She asks me to join her and some of her other friends in getting a bite to eat, so I join her and we take one car. This perhaps gets her into trouble later as we leave the bar, when her friends seem shocked (jealous??) that she gave me a ride. We head back to her place (where we left my car) and she seems hurried as we pull into the driveway. She curtly bids me a good night, and goes in, avoiding eye-contact. I thank her for the ride/say it was fun.
5. Several weeks pass. I meet her again through a mutual get-together with friends, this time at a festival w/ a big crowd. I have internalized a bit of the game at this point, so I am better about using negs, not 'taking her shit', being a lot more playful and funny, and also trying to escalate using some light kino. Still, she gets bored with the festival and leaves early citing other plans. I hear from others in the group that she has been going on random dates lately, but hasn't met anyone in particular that interests her.
6. The next day, I see a text message from her telling me that she has a free ticket to a show we had talked about previously--since she's not going to go, I was welcome to come over and take hers. I already had other plans that day, but somehow felt like...I needed to take action here, so I gave her a call. Here's how the day unfolded: (god...I realize how AFC-ridiculous so much of this is as I write it, but again, I'm such a fucking newbie)
-Call her, playful convo, get her laughing. Mention I have other plans. Tell her I need a female opinion on some fashion shit as I'm buying clothes, and that she should tag along as I head to the mall. She balks, give excuses about not knowing guy fashion, etc (yes I know this is all crap).
-I respond something like 'whatever hater, you must not know how to have a good time etc.' Then segue into 'well I'm going to get something to eat before I head to the mall--you hungry?' She agrees to meet me at a nearby restaurant for lunch. She says something strange here that I didn't really know how to read (so much data out there, I get confused about how to interpret things lately). She tells me it will take her about an hr to meet me there--I tell her to just roll her ass out of bed and throw on some sweatpants. She replies 'ya thats the idea--you better not be expecting me to dressed up like it's some big deal!'
-She arrives dressed in sexy shorts and a t-shirt (whatever). We order food, and I'm nervous/awkward for the first 10 min or so, then I step it up and start focusing on game: throwing negs, making wild assumptions instead of 'interviewing' her, doing some kino, seeing compliance from her on a few tests, then starting to really uncover shit about her I never even knew (and opening up a bit on my own side)
--possible IOIs?: laughing a lot/smiling, asking me what I look for in a girlfriend, opening up to tell me about her past, escalating my sexual topics by describing her makeout sessions with other girls, jokingly suggesting that I should get in on a threesome the next time said makeout sessions occur, showing interest in joining an ultimate frisbee league with me, when I mentioned it (yes hella random)
-We part ways because its getting late ('lunch' ended up being almost 3 hrs) but I am a little dazed and don't really 'close' anything, not that I even really know what that would entail at this point.
7. Two days later, current time. I haven't slept yet--my mind is racing as I pour through my notes to try to figure out what the next steps are.
For reference, here is my current plan:
Plan A) Meet her tomorrow (or call?) and tell her I am going to a concert with some people this weekend (Sunday--the more casual day obv., it's also labor day weekend fyi). Tell her she should come hang out because I don't wanna be the 3rd wheel for my buddy and his GF.
-High chance of rejection because this seems really forward, but also shes not really into concerts, and I know she has other plans lined up for the weekend that she was 'considering'...in my dreams, this would mean that she was waiting for me to come up with more interesting plans so she could tag along.
OR go with perhaps the 'safer' plan B....
Plan B) Totally ignore her/don't call for a week. After labor day, meet up during a weeknight for happy hr or something. Bring up the frisbee league, and how we should start going. Over the course of the next month-1.5 months, ruthlessly fine-tune my game while seeing her on a more regular basis. Esp. needing work: my DHV and social proofing (my social circle sucks ass, I need to work on this a lot).
-Once I solidly feel like she's into me (I would view this as....she goes out of her way to call me to do something 1-on-1, which has never happened), then I would pretty much call it the home stretch and be able to figure things out from there.
Plan C) ????
How would you move forward? I'm afraid of:
1. LJBF
2. Hey, you'd be perfect for one of my friends (I got the briefest hint of this)
3. I hate you AFC, die
Conclusion: I know that theorycrafting can only get you so far, and I need to go out there and use the skills. Yes, I get it--but I'm new, and I didn't expect this shit to fall into my lap so suddenly. So here I am at 2:30am on a work night, wondering how the fuck I will see this thing through. Take pity on my wretched AFC-ness and please advise. I am a more than willing pupil, and I will take your words to heart.