Okay guys, I waited this out a week to see how things would play out, and I have some interesting results. First, I'd like to respond to what you've had to say...
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this seems very normal to me, you seem to be playing this like how you should, its natural, those guys comming up complitmenting you are most likely trying to see if you are indeed together so they can hit on her, when your not around she probably gets hit on alot, but i wouldn't worry or care, chances are she is used to it and totally attached to you, you are right to want her to help with the bills, and as far as the compliments go, don't worry about that at all, just be yourself, do what you want, and try not to let what she thinks get to you, she will try to manipulate and change you all the time, it is what girls do, and when they get what they want, they don't feel the same way anymore, because they fell in love with the you that they met, not the you that they want you to become, anyways good luck, in the end the choice is really yours, if you love her then you should stay with her, if you don't love her then let her go, either way this seems pretty borderline normal female behavior
First off, yes, I agree that I am playing it like I should as far as not really caring about other guys hitting on her. It's a compliment, and I'm the one putting my dick in her right...
Next, they may be hitting on her a lot, yeah... problem is this. She and I don't go out together; she goes out with her "girlfriends," and the new neighbors (which love to party btw). She's told me that she "let's guys know" that she has a boyfriend, but I don't buy it. I think she uses it more like a female PUA would, only to push douche bags away, and that she acts like she's single when she's out. I feel this based on our history when I found text messages between her and men on her cell phone.
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just because someone is pretty and sexy doesn't mean that they are the right fit for you.
Of course, this is obvious to me.
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I think in a way you are both using each other. She may be using you for your resources and your stability and your complience in giving her what she wants but you are also using her because of the status she brings you by being so hot and the life of the party etc.
You could be partially right. You're definitely right about her using me for money, although I have basically limited it to a roof over her head, and that is changing (though I'm on the verge of just dumping her). I partially agree with me using her for status. She's a hot ass chick and has brought me business, but it hasn't brought me anything else but that and trouble. She's a super socialite, but I don't like the majority of her friends. I'm actually beginning to wonder if she turns them against me, or if they are just genuinely shitty people. I'm honestly starting to think the first option. Would that make any sense to any of you guys? A woman who says she "loves you" but puts you down behind your back? Because I think that's what I'm dealing with, and it may be partially my fault from what I'm reading because I'm not "telling" her as much as "asking?"
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She does have some very admirable traits and it doesn't sound like she has done anything terribly wrong or unforgivable so it's normal to have some positive feelings for her. She isn't necessarily a 'bad' person, she just may not be what you want in a lifepartner that you are around day in and day out all the time.....in other words she probably isn't 'the one' for you.
Word. She has a ton of traits that I fell in love with, but I never realized that her love of nightlife, being social, and getting attention would play such a huge role in her core values. Thinking about the way I grew up, and the way I know she grew up, I never saw this coming.
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From what you are writing I get the feeling you are a solid, decent, normal guy that isn't shallow and superficial and all about appearances etc. You sound like you may be a person of substance and would like and appreciate a partner of substance too.
Right on, though this one has me thinking I have OneITIS because I'm literally mesmerized by her beauty. I've hard nexted her before due to some text messages and night life related disrespect problems in the past, and I keep letting this one get back in for some reason. She says one thing, yet her actions say another. It's frustrating!
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This is PUA site and is a lot about pick up and attracting and seducing women. you have already attracted her and had sex with her...and have continued to do so for 7 years. This is a relationship issue and the question you have to ask yourself is where do you want to be in another 7 years or even 1 year or a few months for that matter.
Not worrying myself over whether my gf is A) Going to come home B) Being honest with me C) Is complying with the monogamous agreement we've made. THAT is where I wanna be, and I just don't feel it with this girl (though I feel she tells me white lie after white lie and carefully edits the truth to make it sound more innocent).
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You have been with her for 7 years, THIS IS WHO SHE IS AND HOW SHE IS!! You can't game her or play little Jedi mind tricks on her to change her core character and change who she is.
You only have power over what you do and what you want for your life. If you were able to attract and hold an HB 10 for 7 years you are capable of finding another attractive and fit and healthy woman.
Thanks for that, but I guess my issue now is that I ask myself, "was I REALLY able to keep an HB10 attracted for 7 years? Or was it just because this HB10 was using me for 7 years while acting single on the side at times?"
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You have gained wisdom in 7 years and you know more about what traits and characteristics you want in someone. In your case you have found that while looks and HB10 status are nice, they aren't everything.
If you want more substance of character and someone that treats you better and appreciates you more for you and appreciates your core being more, go out and find her.
You're telling me! Never ever did I think that substance would matter so much when I was young, but I'm beginning to realize that looks die with age.
As far as that thread on an emotionally manipulative woman, holy shit that's a good read!
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1. She cares more for her own gratification than any of your wants or needs.
Majority of the time...
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2. She gains tremendous amounts of gratification through attention seeking behavior and emotional energy being spent on her, none of which will she GENUINELY reciprocate.
Yes!
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3. She is only capable of a parasitic type of relationship, she NEVER gives as much as or more than you do IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, it will seem very calculating down to the minutia.
I feel that this is the case... she makes it "seem" as though she's giving a lot, but in reality, all she really does is the dishes and my fucking laundry.
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When it comes to dealing with an Emotionally Manipulative Woman is that she will go to great lengths to get back into your good graces
This is RIGHT ON with my situation...
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So, all I got from this was you caught a fish and everything's congratulating you on your catch but the fish is high maintenance and regularly causes you emotional distress.
Doctor's prescription : Grill the scaly bitch.
Basically, you need to start dominating your relationship. If you are already providing everything to her, you need to start asserting that much amount of influence over her and make sure that she doesn't fight you on that.
Also, tell her what you want from her. TELL, don't ASK. Tell her to pay the bills. Otherwise, warn her of the consequences and act on them.
Show her that she's not the only pretty girl in the world, let your eye rove in front of her. She needs to realise that there are other women too whom you can be attracted to and that her position is temporary.
Right now, she's lulled into security by the fact that you're too much of a woman to actually confront her about things and why not. She is/might cheat on you because you are spineless, in her eyes at least.
Yeah, TONS of emotional distress! I haven't had all too many relationships during my life, and most of the time has been used up on this one. It sucks that I am having to deal with this kind of shit BEFORE I learned any type of PUA... Thank God a friend turned me onto this stuff a few years ago. I'm beginning to realize that this situation is really detracting from my happiness.
I mentioned at the very beginning of this post about how this week has been very interesting. The short version is that she has been VERY nice and loving this week. She's almost ALWAYS wanting to have sex, and she's all about sucking the cock too... but here's the interesting part. I had to leave for the weekend to Los Angeles for work, and a friend got in touch with me earlier tonight and told me that he saw some new pictures on Facebook of my girlfriend grinding on "some other dude" and "the other dude grinding on her too." I looked, and just thought to myself "WHAT THE FUCK?!?"
So, you can see how this confuses me... and I feel like I'm being constantly mind-fucked. She says shit like "Love you baby, good luck in LA" and yet she's out at the nightclubs with "another dude" (which I found to be my next door neighbor!!!!) pulling shots off bottles and having a wonderful time. And the worst part is that she TOLD ME that she was out at that club and she even told me WHO she was with... but what I had to find out myself is that she was acting like a total Ho when hanging out with these people whom she presented to me on a silver platter as "just the neighbors" and "why would they ever do anything to mess things up," as well as "and he stayed sober," etc. etc. etc.
Fuck. Her. Shit.
NOW WHAT?
Sincerely,
"Mind Fucked"
CHAT
