Signs of an Emotionally Manipulative Woman


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 4:28 pm 
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Being in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative woman can literally be like being dragged through the Ninth Ring of Dante's Inferno by Rob Zombie and his Demon Horde.

Needless to say, it fucking sucks.

I know this is a PUA forum, but a lot of guys come on here also seeking relationship advice, trying to get over One-itis, as well as trying to recover their souls from ... EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE WOMEN. So, I figured I would share my experience. Although the MPUAs among us likely do not need this advice, many of the new PUAs and RAFCs do! So beware and don't say I didn't warn you all!

I've been dating an emotionally manipulative woman off and on for approximately a year, after being in a very long term and unhealthy relationship. Over the course of this year, I have learned a lot of very valuable information.

The point of today's article is to give all my fellow dudes a proverbial 'heads up' about the conduct of Emotionally Manipulative Women, the telltale signs you might be dealing with one, their employed tactics, and how to be triumphant while still maintaining your soul and dignity in the process.

What is an emotionally manipulative woman?

1. She cares more for her own gratification than any of your wants or needs.

2. She gains tremendous amounts of gratification through attention seeking behavior and emotional energy being spent on her, none of which will she GENUINELY reciprocate.

3. She is only capable of a parasitic type of relationship, she NEVER gives as much as or more than you do IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, it will seem very calculating down to the minutia.

What are the telltale signs you might be dealing with one?

1. She makes you feel like someone that you aren't and commonly relates to you from the point-of-view that you are the bad guy and she is the victim, thereby leaving you in a constant position of "doing for her" or "making it up to her" or "showing her how much you love her". Get the point? Even the most minor transgressions (or no transgression at all) will be used to make you LOVE HER!!! Ever experienced this?

2. Conflicting messages. She will be overly affectionate and border on clingy-insane and dote so much love on you that it actually starts to feel creepy, because deep down inside you realize that something is wrong. Something is 'off' in the situation. However, the very second that you feel comfortable in her affection for you, she will get very cold and icy and demanding, she will accuse you of things such as "taking her for granted" or "not being understanding" or "not caring". AGAIN, this is to put you on the defensive stance so that you will again have to "do for her", "make it up to her", and "love her"!

3. A fixation on you. Now, some of you might read #1 and #2 of the telltale signs that I just listed above and say "wait a second, those just sound like typical female shit tests and games". Well, to an extent you are right. However, the difference when it comes to dealing with an Emotionally Manipulative Woman is that she will go to great lengths to get back into your good graces. She will tell you that she hates you, never wants to see you again, etc...and yet somehow...she will keep coming back for more, like the Lioness returning to the disemboweled Gazelle for a late night nibble. She won't have a healthy dating life, and for all of her discontent with your seemingly unacceptable ways, her entire world still revolves around you and garnering your UNDYING AFFECTION. See the difference, guys?

What are their Tactics?

What we just described above were the telltale signs, not the tactics. There is a difference. It's subtle, but it's there. An Emotionally Manipulative Woman only employs one tactic. It is a very broad and "all encompassing" behavior.

Their one tactic is this: YOU BEING EMOTIONALLY DEPENDENT ON THEM, BUT THEM NOT BEING EMOTIONALLY DEPENDENT ON YOU, IN AN AVOWED ULTRA-MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP. These women will NOT accept dating multiple people or you even giving them permission to do it or to have alone time with their friends, because these are all signs that you are an independent person, and that is not in their gameplan. They want to squash that into oblivion. You must be obsessed with her as she will pretend to be obsessed with you, and therefore she can feed on your for her own gratification while giving nothing back and leaving you a depleted mess of a shell of a man before moving on. And trust me, hear this now: These women will accept nothing more than your total spiritual, emotional, and physical anhilation, the utter destruction of your being. Believe me.

This will manifest in virtually every interaction that you have with an Emotionally Manipulative Woman.

They want you to be there for them when they are feeling down and need someone to talk to, but good luck the one thing (the first damned time you need them when you are feeling the least bit down, or worried, or anxious, or any other life situation that you have going on), because they will not be there like any other normal human would be.

They want you to spend money on them, but the very first time you suggest that she pick up lunch or buy the wine, she will treat you like the biggest piece of shit. But she won't come out and say it, she will just passive-aggressively attempt to make you feel like you should apologize for her doing one thing nice for you.

They will REALLY be into receiving in the bedroom, but not at all into giving, and when they do, you will sense that something is 'off' about it. You might not even be aroused and you might have a hard time keeping it up (in your head you will be thinking WTF is wrong with me, she is sucking my cock, and I can't keep it up), that is because this woman body language and overall demeanor will be one of not enjoying what she is doing and only doing it out of obligation. Ever been here guys?

Like I said above, in example after example, interaction after interaction, you will be the giver and she will be the taker, and she will shame you, blame you, and hate you for it. BUT she will keep coming back to feed on more until you are destroyed.

How to be Victorious?!!!

Insist on an open relationship. Encourage her to date other people (if the opportunity ever arises, wink-wink)

She will resist you vehemently, not only that, but she will call you every name in the book, yell and scream about how you are breaking her heart, why would you do this to me. She will insist over and over I LOVE YOU, I ONLY LOVE YOU, I ONLY WANT YOU. Then she will give ultimatums like "I just don't know if I can accept this" or "I am not that kind of girl". But persist, explain to her that you are doing for her, out of your love for her, that you want her to be happy even if someday that means not with you. That you don't expect her to turn down opportunities to be with other people if she has feelings toward them, and that you will likely do the same. Recommend taking things slowly, etc. Again, this really is advice for AFCs and RAFCs because most PUAs would never be in this position in the first place.

One of two things will happen, the truth will be discovered:

1. Either she will be cool with it and you aren't dealing with a true emotionally manipulative woman.

or...

2. She will NOT under any circumstance be able to accept you being an independent person and encouraging her to do likewise. She will NOT accept it, ever. She will beg, lie, cheat, steal to get things back to her advantage. She might even smile and agree to it. Then a week or two later, suddenly, MAGICALLY, things will be the exact same way they were. All of her games will have returned, all of her expectations and demands will have returned, etc. Then you know what you are dealing with.

Good luck and Beware!


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:09 pm 
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good read,i have dated a few share of this type of girl way back when i was a glorified wuss years ago.

i even dated a girl who faked pregnant,and when we had a fight on the phone..she went on a drinking session and claim that i cause her baby to miscarriage cause i made her mad so she went drinking...i think she was a nutcase cause she keep on blaming me for kill her child which doesnt exist....wait i think i m the wrong topic..


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:53 pm 
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insigniadeck wrote:
good read,i have dated a few share of this type of girl way back when i was a glorified wuss years ago.

i even dated a girl who faked pregnant,and when we had a fight on the phone..she went on a drinking session and claim that i cause her baby to miscarriage cause i made her mad so she went drinking...i think she was a nutcase cause she keep on blaming me for kill her child which doesnt exist....wait i think i m the wrong topic..


That's some messed up Jerry Springer BS.

Good read too. I've heard stories of manipulative women (even a field report by Maniac) and it's pretty terrifying. Glad I have a cool GF. One of my friends is a preetty passive/aggressive with her boyfriend since he is dating up and, while it may not be extreme like in this post, it certainly made me wary.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 8:16 am 
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I`ve been in a relationship with that type of woman before. She really had my mind screwed up. But I had to go through it...I learned so much game from that one relationship. I even wrote down all the bullshit antics she would do to drive me insane...I now use those same tactics on the women I deal with.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:25 am 
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Mr_Amazing wrote:
I`ve been in a relationship with that type of woman before. She really had my mind screwed up. But I had to go through it...I learned so much game from that one relationship. I even wrote down all the bullshit antics she would do to drive me insane...I now use those same tactics on the women I deal with.


Would you share your experience? What bullshit would she do?


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 12:00 pm 
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Most of the stuff she did was based of the whole "hot/cold" mood swing crap that women like to pull.

When I would go over to her house she would be all lovey-dovey when her roommate was around. Dirty talk, alcohol, innuendo and playfighting. The roommate would leave, we would have the house to ourselves and she would have every excuse in the book why she "wasn't in the mood". I know...Oldest trick in the book. lol

When I first met her I made the mistake of going to a party with her. The place was packed with guys who have either tried to, or wanted to bang her and her friends (who for some reason seem to be in competition with her). Long story short that night ended with her crying, drunk and making a scene because I talked to some chick (I assume her rival). She said I was "following her around like a puppy", but I wasn't...I was actually hitting on the party host's neighbor lol (didn't get the # cause she knew who I came with). It was my slight revenge for her dry humping all those guy "friends" at the party. We go home and sleep. I wake up to an insane blowjob and we have incredible sex....Is it just me or do crazy chick have incredible sex skills?...

I think the most fucked up thing she would do is start an argument over the phone and she would make a series of allegations and points to get a rise out of me. And right before I could spit out my defense she would say,"You know what?...We'll talk about this later"...and then hang up. oooooh man...That shit is golden. lol. It sucked when I was on the receiving end, but now I use that shit on chicks. I made a chick cry on her vacation with that one. lol

Thats just a few examples. I don't wanna hijack the thread. lol


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 12:31 pm 
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Lol, Mr Amazing

no worries on the hijack, buddy. that's some good shit there.

"...you know what, we'll talk about this later..." OMG, can't believe i never thought of that one. :lol:


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 3:24 pm 
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Mack 2.0 wrote:
Lol, Mr Amazing

no worries on the hijack, buddy. that's some good shit there.

"...you know what, we'll talk about this later..." OMG, can't believe i never thought of that one. :lol:


a good way to deal with that is that is to quickly say "no, we won't *click*" - for crazy chicks only, otherwise it's a jerk move

Mr_Amazing wrote:
Is it just me or do crazy chick have incredible sex skills?...


All part of the manipulation to get into your head....nothing wrong with that at the time :D


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 3:45 pm 
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Mr_Amazing wrote:
It sucked when I was on the receiving end, but now I use that shit on chicks.


If you know how hard that is to deal with, why would you do it to other people? Why not learn from it and form healthier relationships, instead of using it against others?

To those who recognize these patterns in their relationships: the point is that no one is forcing you to deal with a relationship like that. Take a step back, ask if this is what you really want to spend your time doing, and make a decision to improve the situation or end it.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 4:25 pm 
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@ Wal...my relationships with women have been really heathy. She was just a rare exception...I rarely have to play any mind games with women because I`m pretty straightforward with them. But with that said, I don`t back down when people do things to mess with me. I have to get a shot off too. Sorry, I`m a scorpio. Its just how we are. lol


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 4:43 pm 
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it's funny because as this thread is developing, so is the situation with my crazy ex EMW (emotionally manipulative woman).

she sent me a flurry of texts, and emails, and phone calls last night all attacking me because i called her out on her wrongdoings when i laid it all on the line for her.

i kid you not, this woman is trying every possible trick under the sun to get me back into her manipulative clutches.

fake apologies (these always start with "i am sorry", but end with "BUT")

i am sorry...

... but it wasn't my fault
... but you were confused
... but you don't understand
... but i had a reason
... but you made me do it
... but i had no choice
... but, etc, etc, etc

feigns understanding (these always start with "you are right", but end with a "BUT")

i understand that i hurt you...

... but you are just too sensitive
... but you took things the wrong way
... but you are confused about my intent
... but you have hurt me before
... but that was a long time ago
... but i was pms'ing
... but, etc, etc, etc

debates semantics instead of addressing themes (she will acknowledge what you've said and proceed to distort it)

... what do you mean I am a cunt for cheating on you? How dare you call me a cunt? You always verbally abuse me. You call me names and tear down my self-esteem. It's no wonder I had to cheat! (forgot the fact that she has cheated, now YOU are the guilty party and she is the victim)

... so what I stole money out of your wallet? You never listen to me or care about anything that I want or need. You should be ashamed for making me feel like I have to steal! What kind of man are you? You don't deserve me! (forget the fact that she has stolen or lied, now YOU are the guilty party for driving her to it!)

^ THESE are just examples, they didn't happen, but my ex does actually display THIS LEVEL of skewed and twisted thinking.

putting words in your mouth (this is notorious!)

You say: It wasn't cool of you to lie to me, how can I trust you?
Her response: So, now I'm a lying manipulative whore? Is that right?

You say: I just want to take things slow so nobody feels pressured.
Her response: So, what you are saying is that you don't love me enough to commit.

You say: I can't trust you because you cheated on me before.
Her response: So, basically you are saying that your issues are so severe that you aren't capable of having a normal relationship which includes things such as forgiveness?

^ LOLOL @ crazy women


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 5:04 pm 
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Some of what you are describing reminds me of Histrionic Personalities.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic ... y_disorder

It doesn't have to be a psychological disorder, per se, as there are varying intensities of affect. However, people who exhibit these traits tend to be really fun and engaging, but also lack the ability to take reasonable responsibility for their own actions. They tend to shift responsibility on others, or even choose alternative, passive actions in order to avoid proactive decisions.

EX-
Yes I cheated on him, but I didn't love him, and he was abusive. (The healthy response would have been to break up with the offending boyfriend)

I know I cheated, but I had my reasons. Then you hurt me! You broke up with me and that hurt me. (The healthy response would have been to accept the consequences of cheating)

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 5:32 pm 
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Wal, you are very correct, Sir.

i actually believe her to be histrionic. it's smart of you to put your finger right on it though. ;)

peace


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 6:51 pm 
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I would add one other sign, other women hate them. Especially your mother, sister, or female friends. Women smell their game a mile away.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 8:59 pm 
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brian, that's a very good point you make there.


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