Being in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative woman can literally be like being dragged through the Ninth Ring of Dante's Inferno by Rob Zombie and his Demon Horde.
Needless to say, it fucking sucks.
I know this is a PUA forum, but a lot of guys come on here also seeking relationship advice, trying to get over One-itis, as well as trying to recover their souls from ... EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE WOMEN. So, I figured I would share my experience. Although the MPUAs among us likely do not need this advice, many of the new PUAs and RAFCs do! So beware and don't say I didn't warn you all!
I've been dating an emotionally manipulative woman off and on for approximately a year, after being in a very long term and unhealthy relationship. Over the course of this year, I have learned a lot of very valuable information.
The point of today's article is to give all my fellow dudes a proverbial 'heads up' about the conduct of Emotionally Manipulative Women, the telltale signs you might be dealing with one, their employed tactics, and how to be triumphant while still maintaining your soul and dignity in the process.
What is an emotionally manipulative woman?
1. She cares more for her own gratification than any of your wants or needs.
2. She gains tremendous amounts of gratification through attention seeking behavior and emotional energy being spent on her, none of which will she GENUINELY reciprocate.
3. She is only capable of a parasitic type of relationship, she NEVER gives as much as or more than you do IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, it will seem very calculating down to the minutia.
What are the telltale signs you might be dealing with one?
1. She makes you feel like someone that you aren't and commonly relates to you from the point-of-view that you are the bad guy and she is the victim, thereby leaving you in a constant position of "doing for her" or "making it up to her" or "showing her how much you love her". Get the point? Even the most minor transgressions (or no transgression at all) will be used to make you LOVE HER!!! Ever experienced this?
2. Conflicting messages. She will be overly affectionate and border on clingy-insane and dote so much love on you that it actually starts to feel creepy, because deep down inside you realize that something is wrong. Something is 'off' in the situation. However, the very second that you feel comfortable in her affection for you, she will get very cold and icy and demanding, she will accuse you of things such as "taking her for granted" or "not being understanding" or "not caring". AGAIN, this is to put you on the defensive stance so that you will again have to "do for her", "make it up to her", and "love her"!
3. A fixation on you. Now, some of you might read #1 and #2 of the telltale signs that I just listed above and say "wait a second, those just sound like typical female shit tests and games". Well, to an extent you are right. However, the difference when it comes to dealing with an Emotionally Manipulative Woman is that she will go to great lengths to get back into your good graces. She will tell you that she hates you, never wants to see you again, etc...and yet somehow...she will keep coming back for more, like the Lioness returning to the disemboweled Gazelle for a late night nibble. She won't have a healthy dating life, and for all of her discontent with your seemingly unacceptable ways, her entire world still revolves around you and garnering your UNDYING AFFECTION. See the difference, guys?
What are their Tactics?
What we just described above were the telltale signs, not the tactics. There is a difference. It's subtle, but it's there. An Emotionally Manipulative Woman only employs one tactic. It is a very broad and "all encompassing" behavior.
Their one tactic is this: YOU BEING EMOTIONALLY DEPENDENT ON THEM, BUT THEM NOT BEING EMOTIONALLY DEPENDENT ON YOU, IN AN AVOWED ULTRA-MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP. These women will NOT accept dating multiple people or you even giving them permission to do it or to have alone time with their friends, because these are all signs that you are an independent person, and that is not in their gameplan. They want to squash that into oblivion. You must be obsessed with her as she will pretend to be obsessed with you, and therefore she can feed on your for her own gratification while giving nothing back and leaving you a depleted mess of a shell of a man before moving on. And trust me, hear this now: These women will accept nothing more than your total spiritual, emotional, and physical anhilation, the utter destruction of your being. Believe me.
This will manifest in virtually every interaction that you have with an Emotionally Manipulative Woman.
They want you to be there for them when they are feeling down and need someone to talk to, but good luck the one thing (the first damned time you need them when you are feeling the least bit down, or worried, or anxious, or any other life situation that you have going on), because they will not be there like any other normal human would be.
They want you to spend money on them, but the very first time you suggest that she pick up lunch or buy the wine, she will treat you like the biggest piece of shit. But she won't come out and say it, she will just passive-aggressively attempt to make you feel like you should apologize for her doing one thing nice for you.
They will REALLY be into receiving in the bedroom, but not at all into giving, and when they do, you will sense that something is 'off' about it. You might not even be aroused and you might have a hard time keeping it up (in your head you will be thinking WTF is wrong with me, she is sucking my cock, and I can't keep it up), that is because this woman body language and overall demeanor will be one of not enjoying what she is doing and only doing it out of obligation. Ever been here guys?
Like I said above, in example after example, interaction after interaction, you will be the giver and she will be the taker, and she will shame you, blame you, and hate you for it. BUT she will keep coming back to feed on more until you are destroyed.
How to be Victorious?!!!
Insist on an open relationship. Encourage her to date other people (if the opportunity ever arises, wink-wink)
She will resist you vehemently, not only that, but she will call you every name in the book, yell and scream about how you are breaking her heart, why would you do this to me. She will insist over and over I LOVE YOU, I ONLY LOVE YOU, I ONLY WANT YOU. Then she will give ultimatums like "I just don't know if I can accept this" or "I am not that kind of girl". But persist, explain to her that you are doing for her, out of your love for her, that you want her to be happy even if someday that means not with you. That you don't expect her to turn down opportunities to be with other people if she has feelings toward them, and that you will likely do the same. Recommend taking things slowly, etc. Again, this really is advice for AFCs and RAFCs because most PUAs would never be in this position in the first place.
One of two things will happen, the truth will be discovered:
1. Either she will be cool with it and you aren't dealing with a true emotionally manipulative woman.
2. She will NOT under any circumstance be able to accept you being an independent person and encouraging her to do likewise. She will NOT accept it, ever. She will beg, lie, cheat, steal to get things back to her advantage. She might even smile and agree to it. Then a week or two later, suddenly, MAGICALLY, things will be the exact same way they were. All of her games will have returned, all of her expectations and demands will have returned, etc. Then you know what you are dealing with.
Good luck and Beware!