this is more me whining than actually asking advice but anyway, here goes...
so two days from now, my one-itis, my first and only serious LTR girl, the only girl who i ever loved, is going to step through my door and attend my roomies graduation party.
And it scares the living crap out of me!
the background is that we dated, first for 9 months, then she cheated and broke up with me, then we went on to what i like to call my maniodepressive era, basicly a time i spent not sleeping at night except with every girl i could get within 5 feet of somewhere relatively private, which was...
...quite a lot of girls, basicly I felt like crap, i can imagine most if not everyone has tried this, then after one and a half year of this, i was finally getting over her.
She shows up again (after 2 years), but this time around i've been gaming for eighteen months, so I figure, I'll be damn if i'm loosing this break up!
Well, basicly we end up dating, though it isn't in any way what i expected, since i still had all that shit from the last breakup making me feel rotten, and sure enough after a couple of months, i cheat on her and break up.
now, i hate myself for doing that almost as much as i hate her for doing it the first time, but i still have feelings for this girl, and the thought of her bringing or hitting on some dude, at this party just makes me want to rip off cocks and sodomize their owners with them...
...now i am not a violent dude, nor am i in any way the jealous type, but something about this girl just pushes all my paranoid monogami buttons.
So, should i game her for a lay, game other girls for the win (and jealousy) or just play it cool?
and any pointers on selfcontrol, and frame of mind will be greatly appreciated and help keep me out of the slammer
ty guys!