met a 21yo girl who just moved to the east coast to straightn her life out... with a new good job, school etc. She was dabbling in solo porn and webcam stuff for a year or so prior but got fed up and wanted move life east to start over

serious nympho. things went fast physically...then she started to chase and cling like crazy... lovey dovey as hell....saying things like "why are you so perfect?" "i get a tingle everytime my phone beeps and i see its you"

she then invited me to stay out of town with her for a weekend work trip, it became a lovey dovey attachment by day...sex fest by night...rough sex, slutty outfits, swallows, and anal....i was in heaven

she then wanted to know "where do we stand?" and i told her i wasnt ready to commit to a serious relationship at the moment eventhough i was secretly starting to have feelings for her. she kept the clinging going for a week, knitted me a scarf and a hat, told me how much she missed me while she was away for work travel, told me she was falling for me and didnt want to get hurt.

BAGGAGE DROP #1 :
later in the week...she calls me crying like crazy...her cheating exbf of 3 years called her after a 6 month break up(not sure if this was just a lie, but she was crying like hell over the phone)
i instantly told her i wasnt going to be her shoulder to cry on over an ex but assured her id make her feel better at the moment. (failed that shit test, i shoulda just hung up after i didnt want to hear it.

ANOTHER SHIT TEST:
... crying and insecure...she asked "why are you still signing onto plenty of fish? are you still open to dating other girls?" i told her it was "just for attention, ill delete it if you want" (failed that also)


BAGGAGE DROP #2
valentines day...."we have to talk" blah blah blah "my ex and i have been talking, i still love him" (this guy cheated on her over 10 times) she wants to "fix him"(but he lives 3000 miles away, so hes not a threat)
"ive dated 2 other guys since ive moved here, once things felt serious i left...im not healthy relationship marterial right now"
" i really like you so i want to know if you still want to continue what we have going now that you know im a mess?"

i told her i wasnt looking for anything serious initially anyway, but i admitted that i started to have feelings for her eventhough i wasnt ready to act on them. She seemed pretty offened by that and started getting defensive and turned on me. acting as if all this was my fault now...blahblah she claims she feels used...we stop talking

REVELATION:
what i come to piece together a few weeks later is that she went to fuck the dude she dated previous to me that night she dropped the baggage #2, she only brought that shit up to cover up her guilt. shes in a relationship a week later with this guy.

i sized the guy up and more power to him, im alpha...but hes super-alpha, obviosly a womanizer, and probably burned her bad the first time around. frat guy type, gayest 1998 looking tattoos imaginable
player personality,he has a facebook account with 3000 friends updated with pics of his arm around different chicks, except HER, updated consistantly.
But he set up a second facebook account with only a few friends to be "in a relationship with HER"....obviously to hide her. cant ruin his image by having a girlfriend

its i really fucked up to see what a chick will put up with


THINGS IVE LEARNED FROM THIS:
-some chicks love being treated like shit....cheated on, emotionally abused, etc..... more shit=more attraction. perhaps this is just an indicator of a low quality girl.

- dont become a nice guy just because youve fucked her... shell still test your integrity. if you started as a cocky guy and she trys to open up to you and get you to be sweet...dont give in. however, much easier said than done.

-you still have to date other girls, even if you have the slightest feeling this one is "special"

-never trust a girl with a tramp stamp.


THINGS I CANT GET OVER YET:
-how the fuck can a girl make a complete emotional uturn at the drop of a hat?

- is this just a slutty girl? low self esteem? fresh out of an emotionally draining 3 year cheating relationship? or did my slightest bit of beta behavior, towards the end, fuck this up?

i read a bunch of this lover/provider psychology stuff after this incident and it fucked my head up.... i instantly classified myself as the provider only because she ran off with the bigger asshole of the two of us.

its been a month and i still feel emasculated, i never felt cheated by a chick before, it brought me back to my AFC days when i had my niceness to blame it on. ive gotten a few numbers but no desire to persue any since...

this isnt ONEitis...i dont care about the piece of shit girl... it just fucked up my ego hence my sex drive bigtime...i need to recover

emotionally manipulative woman

here is my article on them signs-of-an-emotionally-manipulative-woman-vt87161.html

(she may not exhibit all of the signs, but you need to read that article, it will explain a lot, or at least let you know it wasn't you, it was her)

here is what clued me in:

- the fact that she got offended when you weren't seemingly destroyed by her emotional turnaround! how dare you? how dare you not care way more than her? didn't you get the memo that this is how things works?!!!

You're alpha? then don't let your damn insecurities fuck you up like this.
Take your best wing and get into the field tonight!
This girl has all these problems... you should have been the one to bail!

mack thats a good post... i can def see some of that in her, i think im dealing more with the girl who has "the badboy syndrome", being a addicted to the drama rollercoaster that her longtime ex gave her, him cheating multiple times... hence her putting up with it a trying to "fix him" like a romance novel. im betting this other dude is giving her that same ride based on the vibe im getting.

once she started to show insecurity, questioning how i felt about her... i gave in and put her on the pedistal...telling her not to worry about me, telling her id quit pof if she wanted, and im really into her etc etc. esentially...i was letting her manipulate me into showing beta traits... instead of staying a challenge

the fact is, i was only looking for a fling and not a relationship...but once she started investing all the affection in me i started to catch feelings...and having no idea of her past...i started to fall into her trap

she gave me the choice at the end, telling me she was a mess with guys but that she still really liked me...and asked me if i wanted to keep talking to her...i screwed up telling her i wasnt ready for a relationship anyway... so now i didnt suit her agenda either.

regardless, she still wanted to run off and fuck another dude... so it fucked up my head bigtime.

i see youre point byron, i wish this didnt bring out my out my insecurtities but
in all my years, ive never felt "cheated on" by a chick....and this wasnt even a "relationship"... it just felt that way.

this girl invested so much emotionally and sexually and then a week later runs off to fuck the dude she dated and "ran away from" (according to her) prior to me.
denies it and then has the nerve to turn things on me because i wasnt ready for a relationship.

im still trying to beat this shit out of me, but im still waking up anxious and shit with it on my mind...
my two fuck buddies are tied in serious relationships now so i dont have a quick fix to recover either.

i can only imagine how hard cheating hits you guys that have been in serious long term relationships

pretty hard.

of course she would cheat and then turn it around on you. why wouldn't she? this is what women do. they deal in emotions. logic - right, wrong, facts, truths - doesn't even come into the discussion with the vast majority of women. men deal in logic, women don't.

it doesn't matter how illogical "you made me cheat on you" sounds to you. your woman will hold onto this fundamentally-illogical and character-flawed statement as a way of self-preservation. she needs to believe she is right, she needs to believe she is pure, she needs to believe she deserves total love, EVEN in the face of evidence to the contrary.

women...are weak.

weak of character. weak of intellect.

most don't have the brains to have a logical discussion (intellect) about real life situations in their personal lives, nor do they have the morals to deal with truths (character) when life's trials present themselves.

it is what it is.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

very well said, i'm dealing with this currently also. and thanks for my new facebook status!! lol

I do not understanding the part where you feel cheated. Apparently you had several chances to make this relationship exclusive. You were not ready to do so. You may feel hurt, but that doesn't solve any of your issues with this situation. Your issues lie deeper than venting about how "she turned it around on you." Whether or not she was emotionally manipulative, I do not see where you stated clearly and effectively what you wanted from her. You haven't even done so in this revelatory post. In fact, you seemed to diffuse your goals by pretending to be disinterested. So dig deeper, understand and accept your lesson, stop blaming this girl for your pain, and make better decisions next time by directly seeking what you want from any given situation.

That is simply not true. Or, at least it is only true in the sense that MANY women are weak just as MANY men are weak. MANY=/= ALL.

I am dating a wonderful, strong woman. I have also dated several women in the past that have taught me what strength is, and I lost every one of them but for the most recent one due to my own insecurities; I learned to become stronger through their example, and now have the pleasure of engaging in a very positive long term relationship. I hope you find someone that proves you wrong, Mack, or that you come full circle on your own. For the time being, your limiting belief is that women are weak.

A lot of the advice on this Relationship part of the forum should point out the simple fact that people respond in the way you treat them. If you (the collective "you") give the right woman a chance to blossom within your space, within your frame, to show you character and strength, you will not be disappointed. Individual experiences do not justify, in any way, such resolute proclamations as "women are weak."

_________________
- Lux et Veritas -

I agree with you, Wal. And that is a fair and appropriate observation for you to make (that I am clearly going on subjective opinion and my own personal anecdotes). I'm a fairly cynical and bitter person because of my life experiences, many of which would turn even the most kind-hearted individual into somebody like me.

Part of what bothers me so much about this subject stems from what you just said "if you give the right woman the chance to blossom in your space, in your frame, to show character and strength" (paraphrased). Why is it that women need a "chance" (or some sort of condition, or accommodation) to show character? Doesn't that imply weakness?

I'm the sort of person who would stand in the face of certain death and hold my moral beliefs. It seems men are more inclined to behave this way, to have set (concrete) moral and ethical values that we hold most dear. I see a strong deficit of this in women. I guess I perceive that deficit as weakness.

No one needs to present me with a chance, or support me, or create a frame which allows me to be a good person or a strong person.

You are, however, correct in that I may want to preface more of my responses with "this is my jaded opinion", lol.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Mack, the thing I most appreciate about you is your willingness to accept criticism without emotion. I've never seen you "butt-hurt" about anything.

When I wrote that you can give a woman a chance to show you her character and strength, I wasn't referring to allowing women some extra opportunity you wouldn't afford, say, to a man that you have recently befriended. I meant that if you already feel that women are weak, you probably should give them such an opportunity. If you feel that women are weak in the sense that I think you mean, you necessarily have a bias against them, and a negative one at that. You are potentially going into interactions with new women with a bias, even if you don't realize it.

Besides, if the tides were turned, you wouldn't give any woman with such a bias against men the time to get to know you, unless she afforded you an opportunity to show her your character. Your following statement is the perfect example:
If you met a woman, and she treated you as if she thought all men were weak, you'd move on, without hesitation, and neither of you would be the wiser.

That said, I don't think you need to preface your opinions. Deal? This is, after all, a forum of opinions, and I recognize that even though my response didn't make it clear. Cheers.

_________________
- Lux et Veritas -

That's generous of you, but at times due to my own internal mechanisms I feel as though I should preface my opinions. I don't want to be the asshole that spreads the misery, although granted, I do take that approach from time to time.

The reason I don't take the criticism personally is because I'm here to learn. Some people are motivated by wanting to "maintain" their perceptions and reinforce them at every given (or perceived) opportunity to do so. I try not to be that guy. I'm actually here hoping to find that holy grail - that one piece of insight, or an epiphany - which will help me dispel my negative and self-limiting beliefs.

* apologizes to original poster for a thread detailment in progress, lol*

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

wal, you make a good point... because afterall i never made things exclusive.
technically i wasnt cheated on but all the strong affection and sex from her made it feel like a relationship. i didnt know and trust her enough yet to make things exclusive....and this situation probably would have happened either way judging by her character she showed towards the end.

my issues are deeper, it was a kick in the balls to my ego. it brought up insecurities because subconciously i let it "define" me. ive had girls leave for other guys but i could always see it coming and could blame most of it on AFC behavior.

this sitution was like "SO INTO YOU", "SO INTO YOU", "SO INTO YOU", "I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU ANYMORE"

i can pick out red flags to try and help me along, such as:
-she just moved to a totally new location, enviroment, job, lifestyle... under a lot of stress, no social pressure
-she was fresh of a bad long term relationship, she still wasnt over it
-she was a nymphomanic, hence prone to promiscuity
-this other guy probably kicked her to the curb, hence her needing to validate herself to regain her esteem.

i can see where tons of this just came down to the girl i chose to deal with. its just unexpectidly taking too long to recover.

Run fast and far from these little girls. They are incredibly emotionally manipulative, and if they tell you they have issues don't take it lightly. Hey, at least they are considerate enough to present their red-flags up front....but maybe that's why a number of us continue with it anyway.

I was in a relationship with the same exact signals. It was amazing at the beginning, escalated physically incredibly quickly, heard the whole "you're so perfect" speech...THEN she got clingy, jealous, emotional, and revealed all of her fucked up issues.

Listen to Mack and RUN.