Hello. The post is quite large so I will make not really important stuff italic to save your time.

There are guys that are able to get a boner with almost any girl at anytime.
I dont know is it in their physiology o psychology, but i want to have that.

Atlast i got over my fears and decided to tell what my problem is (I mentioned that I will tell it one day in my introduction post).

The problem is about getting hard(or staying hard) even when the woman is quite attractive, she is laying naked next to you and she is horny and you understand that you want her, but he just lays and doesnt want to listen...

It happend me many times, the only thing that gets me hard when I get her to orgams with fingers mostly. That shaking body, sounds etc... rarrr..
But i want to get a boner when i just see a naked woman or touch her. Like when she touches it and sees that he isnt hard its quite disappointing for her, because she thinks she is unattractive.

I know the problem isn't in physiology, because while watching porn its hard as stone, and i went to some doctors they said it is most likely in your brain(though dont know the results about the test, should get them on next week)

And another thing is that I just dont want sex that much that I did when I wanted few years ago. I want to want sex, I sleep well, I dance, I don't overwork, but I just dont want it anymore

So maybe you guys have to offer some vitamins(not viagra ofcourse) or exercises, or maybe some NLP techniques?

I think each woman deserves to have sex atleast once, doesnt really matter how they look, and I want to give that to them

Thanks.

before age 30, i could bone any chick any where and at any time, day or night, and be rock hard immediately. that is because i was THRILLED just to be getting some PUSSY.

after 30, i realized ... WOW, i actually need to be into a chic, psychologically, and sexually. which is more what chics are about anyways. now i actually like the "game" and the "foreplay" that goes along with it, and am better at it.

i guess my penis is just more ... DISCERNING than it used to be.

I'm having a similar problem as you at the moment. Though my problem is that I seem to go soft when I'm about to have sex with a girl, or when shes trying to pleasure me and I have absolutely no idea why this is.

I've had sex before obviously, and everything is fine. I'm 19 and the last 4 times I've tried to have sex, I haven't been able to because of John Thomas being too lazy to get up. I know it's nothing physical, because I'm fine when I'm on my own, and even when I'm just making out with a girl.

Maybe I too, need to be "into" a girl and feel a lot more comfortable around her before I can have sex with her, or maybe it's just the nerves I get.

First of all, how old are you?

Are you active...Like work out?

What levels of stress are you under each day?

Any previous relationships that have left you really hurt, I.E. Divorce?

Have you done a recent physical...how is your health?

Keep in mind, you can also be one of the few that just can't go out and bang out every girl you just meet, you may need to sync with her, once you are truly and psychologically connected with her can you then give her what you have been trying to give her, mind blowing sex.

Regardless, this is mostly a psychological issue and requires a lot of examining. Everyone is different and most may not have this issue...I did at one point but it was stress related...I'm better now. Also trying to keep active in the GYM.

But Stress can really play a factor and alot of people don't understand that stress and erection issues will only cause more stress...Google it...you will find alot of studies on it.

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.

don't be too tough on yourselves guys. i can say without a doubt, this is NOT always a physical thing. i'm fine about it now. but about four years ago, while in my long-term relationship, i was basically impotent for almost a year. why? because i hated my gf, but that's a story for another day.

then one time on a weekend getaway with a hot chick, i had the same problem, only the first night, the next morning it was on, and on, and on all weekend long.

you've got to consider a couple of things.

first of all, are you in a comfortable environment where you are doing it? like private, no people around or chances of being interrupted or overheard. for some people that causes anxiety, if the setting is not good or private.

also, yeah, psychology has a lot to do with it. basically, is the timing right? are you rushed? is it private? also, you may sense she is uncomfortable at times, that is a definite downer.

i've found psychologically, it's hard to get/keep it up, if the chick isn't real turned on first. it's best to get her going for a long time, maybe even get her off a couple of times before even getting to that point. at least that's what i do. then, by that time, i'm borderline rapist.

too much info?

If you can't get your dick hard, it can be one of two issues, 1) psychological or 2) physiological.

To rule out physiological, you should go to a doctor and see if your testosterone levels are normal. My friend was fucking at one point so much that his levels got messed up so he went to the doctor to get a testosterone shot, which fixed him right up. It happens (noticable in men who do not have the usual and persistant horniness that we are known to have).

It can most likely be psychological what you are going through. Something that usually happens to me is that when I fuck a girl for the first time, I want to be so good that I put pressure on myself and I cant get him hard. That is an undue amount of stress that I should not put myself through, so I corrected it by making sex fun. That way, I do not stress myself about the quality of sex (and it still comes out awesome).

To tell you the truth, it is your fault if you cant get hard when it concerns any HB 7-10. Of course, if you are not that into a girl, that is a different story. But if the girl is a 7 thru 10 and is willing to have sex with you and you cant get hard, that is your problem (I know it's harsh what I am saying to you but it is the straight honest truth).

The first step to fixing the problem is noticing the source. Fix that and your sex life will improve.

On a sidenote to the original poster, if you have a fetish to using your fingers, then do that to get hard. You can do whatever you want to a girl when she is horny and she will understand your fetish if you need that to get hard....

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First of all, how old are you? almost 20

Are you active...Like work out? I dance salsa and bachata

What levels of stress are you under each day? not much I guess, im a student so no work problems

Any previous relationships that have left you really hurt, I.E. Divorce? well i had problems with my first time when I couldnt get inside the girl, was too much pane for her and it took few months till we managed to do it.

Have you done a recent physical...how is your health? i think im fine. I drink alco maybe 2times in month and not much, dont smoke.

Enviroment is my room, no chances to be interrupted, because already once been interrupted, and no one wants to come into my room anymore . Though sometimes I am afraid to be heard, though there are almost no chances.

Lorenzo321 how did you corrected to make it fun? I always want to be best

Mack 2.0 so after 30 you cant ?

afraid to be heard?

that is a big one right there!

sex ain't fun unless you bang that shit and yell like a caveman!

seriously...having to be quiet fucks my method up...bad.

Its all in your head. Plain and simple. You are over thinking it, which means it wont get hard. Dont think and just let it happen. Youll stay rock fkin hard.

The second you start thinking about it, your mind wanders, so just remember to yell "TIMBERRRR!!!!"

I agree that you must lessen the level of worries that you have. Like your worry about being heard. I had that problem too (and the girls would not want to be heard too). So what I did was invest in a sound system to drown out the sound of me having sex. So, before sex, I blast the music loud enough (not too much because I still wanna hear her) so that neither of us think that we may be heard. I even made a sex playlist that has songs that hype me up.

Another worry that I have overcame, which you are going through right now, is that competitive nature to be the best. I understand you. The better the sex you have with her, the more sex you will have and the more memorable you will be to her. I get you. But you cannot get inside your head so much (or else).

After having enough sex, I noticed one simple idea that transformed me into a sex beast (when girls tell you that you are "Awesome/Amazing," on a constant basis=you are a sex beast), that is, make sex about pleasing them (you will be pleased in the process), and you will be better than most men.

Think about it, there are so many men that do not think about the female's pleasure. The chances are in your side that the girl you are with will not have been with a sex beast. So, by making sex for her (doing more than enough foreplay, making her covet your dick, dominating her), she will notice that you are different from those other selfish losers...

I hope I could help.

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Ok thanks for your answers guys

So if it is in my head(which i think is the case too) what should I do? How to turn off the fking brain...

Exactly what I need to figure out too. I had a girl around this morning, we were taking things slow, I was about to have sex with her and I went soft. Instead, I started fingering her whilst she was on top of me and the sound of her moaning into my ear made me hard again. But once again, after I'd gone inside her, I went soft.

It's incredibly embarrassing, fortunately she was very understanding about it and she's actually trying to help me through it, which is absolutely amazing. I just wish I could overcome this.

Some news. Just came back from the doctor. The results are that i have prostate inflammation, though the doc said that it isn't the thing that causes erection problems at my age 80% time its psychollogical problems, Will have to use drugs for mont, and then see what happens :/

Half of my friends have had the exact same problem.

It's all a matter of relaxing. You like her, she likes you. You're thinking too much about what she will think of your body and it freaks out your subconscious. You can't get erected because you're too nervous.


Learn how to relax and learn how to change your mindset about certain things . . . There's a reason she wants to sleep with you (whichever woman). It's not like you're lying in bed and everything's going great and then, all of a sudden, she goes: OMG, your stomach is fat! I'm outta here!

You're putting too much pressure on yourself.

Take it easy and enjoy the moment. Yeah I know, easier said than done, but do your best.

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Another thing that could be the issue (if I was wrong with the text above) is that you're afraid of not getting an erection - and therefore you're not getting an erection. You think about it too much.

Whichever the psychological case - you solve it the same way as mentioned above . . .

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Yeah i think this is the case, because i'm fine with my looks
Though not sure how to not think that I might not get an erection. Thinking that i'm going to be fine doesn't work, not really works, not thinking at all - even worse, because I overthink things (thats what happens when you invest to much time to training your brain )