“This just isn’t working for me” I told him. He shook his head; “Why?”, “Just tell me what I did wrong, I can fix it”, “I love you”, “we can figure this out”. These things stirred a strange mix of emotion within- a side of me felt bad that I was hurting this boy; in turn I felt anger towards myself. Another side felt pity for him… I felt embarrassment on his part, a sense of shame. Pull yourself together, I wanted to tell him.

I didn’t feel any desire to take him back. Hearing him plea didn’t move me in the slightest... in fact, the more he contacted me, the more I wanted to get away. He gave me a sense of power, running after me the way he did… but this power I held over him made him all the less attractive.

Guys… if and when she ends it, the best thing you can do is walk away. She tells you it’s over? You say “ok” and you walk away; walk away from her, the phone, the computer, whatever mode of communication she used to dump you. Walk away with your dignity, because the minute you lose that, you’ve lost all hope of ever getting her back.

The smart guys say “ok” and pretend they’ve moved on; I’ve seen it work to their advantage numerous times- this is because the less affected they appear after the break-up, the more it bothers her. Women are sadic in a way- we may not intentionally want to hurt you, but the truth is that when we see you’re not the least bit damaged by our departure, it gets to us… it makes us question ourselves: “What!? Just “ok”? But I just broke up with him… doesn’t he care?”

It bothers us when we see the break-up hasn’t left any impact on you.
It bothers us even more when we see that you’ve moved on.

Act unfazed and move on. Nothing you say to her right then will convince her to give this another go- you can’t win her back with words and promises. Stop texting her, running into her, complaining to other people about her, putting depressing quotes in your Facebook status, coming up with excuses to call or see her (like the fact that you really, REALLY need your Usher CD back…). Just stop. Stop doing anything that has to do with her and start the process of moving on.

Also, don’t delude yourself with her excuses: “I like you, but my parents don’t want me seeing you anymore”, “I like you, but I need time to think”, “It’s not you, it’s me” etc. The answer to all of these should be “ok”, because all of these are just a sugar coated “I’m just not into you... anymore”.

Tell her “ok” and move on. Actually do it- move on. Get out of the house, go out, find yourself another girl (btw, there's no need to go out of your way here to make sure she knows you're getting over her and under someone else... don't tag her in a picture of you and another chick; she'll find out, don't worry... news travels).

This is the only good shot you’ll have at getting the girl to want you back.


--------------------------------------------

EDIT: Madals makes a very good point, and in situations where you've been together for some time, and you actually mean it, I believe his response may indeed be more effective than just "ok":


Note: Obviously there are exceptions… if you’ve really done something bad and it upset her, or she caught you cheating, then you need to do some damage control. In these cases, saying “ok” and moving on will probably not salvage anything, I agree.

_________________
NOTE: I'm taking a break from the site, and hence will not be responding to any messages!

I just had to reply to this as it concerns what happened to me about a year ago.

I had a 2 year romance end.

She ended it. Basically she is rich and wanted me to follow her agenda.

I moved on pretty quickly from it.

Due to face book she had since realized i have a great life and she does not.

Guess what. 3 months later with zero contact i get a message on facebook.

She now wants to hook up again. (obviously seeing hundreds of pictures of me with young pretty women).

Roz said.

It bothers us when we see the break-up hasn’t left any impact on you.
It bothers us even more when we see that you’ve moved on.

Your statement is spot on.

But then i am older and have been through this twice before.

Your insight and comments on female behaviour are so true in this instance.
But there is something i wanted to point out.

Women do make mistakes.
As well as change there mind.

Maybe just maybe in my case she has thought about what she had and despite obvious clashes we had now thinks she may be better of back with me.

To use an old film quote.

Franky my dear, i don't give a damn.

_________________
Its getting Hot out there.

Its all to easy.

I want to be a tree!

I so agree with Hobbit,but it's a vague agreeance.

@Roz-Great post,and that's why I'd nominated you as 1 of the best poster of the month.

Bu this' where yours & Hobbitt's concept clashed in my case.

My gf broke up with my about 2 weeks ago.

I followed the route of Hobbit's[not to say that Hobbit pleads in this case].

So I 1st.pleaded with her,"We can work it out,lets not do this,we've been together 2 years,I wont let you do this to me or us".

I friggin' pleaded.

I didnt get positive results,so I adopted an "OK" attitude.

Next day(Friday),I went bar hopping with my buddies,gamed girls,partied,drank,danced,had major fun.

I posted my adventures on Facebook(not for her to see but to attract other girl).

So I posts updates of me having blast dancing with random chiccs.

Next night(Saturday),I did the same.

About 2 days after,I did the unthinkable-I called her.

Knowing that she'd heard of me having fun via mutual friends.

I then invited her to go out Sunday night strictly as friends.

My purpose of that was to make sure she sees me in action,in-field gaming.

Her curiosity from our mutual friends telling her that I've moved on already,propelled her to want to witness this for herself,so she met me at a bar.

She sees me gaming,got jealous,we ended up leaving,I banged her,then she begged to get bacc together.

So Roz's concept works(for me)!

Hobbit's basically saying(IMO),an LTR or connection with someone special should be worth pleading for(at times),opposed to just saying,"OK".

_________________
Most active PUA blog in the community since 2009.
https://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com ... arly-2022/

Now active on YT again with PUA, Red Pill, Manosphere content:
https://youtu.be/tj5rnL_qKfM

I'm liking the insight you guys! Allow me to adress one thing though:
This is absolutly true- it has been the case with myself personally, as well as with many of my girlfriends. We make mistakes- however, I think it's more beneficial to give her the space to realize the mistake she's made, instead of pleading with her to take you back.

6 months in our relationship, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. He said to me: "Oh yeah? Ok" and I didn't hear from him for two weeks. I heard a story of him having gone to a certain party, but that was it. I called him on the 14th day, and I told him I wanted to talk. He told me when he was free, and we met up. I said I was sorry, and that I wanted to work things out. He agreed.

I didn't dare break up with him on a whim since then. Why? Becuase I realised he wouldn't chase me; I didn't have him in the palm of my hand...

Anyway, my perspective is that you should tell her "ok" and give her the space to mull things over. Again, from personal eperience and from the numerous conversations during "girls night" I believe this to be the best approach. She will realize she's made a mistake on her own, and when she does she'll come after you, in which case you can definatly forgive her. But let her be the one to realize she's making a mistake, don't try to convince her of it.

There are always going to be exceptions, like I've already mentioned:
BTW, I like that you guys are sharing personal experiences and giving examples. This is good stuff!


-Roz

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Hey Roz

When my ex broke up with me. (Several times b/c I acted unphased, and we got back together) She would always pull the "You don't care about me" card. What's the best way to respond to this... Basically this is how it went down.

"Omg your so mean it's over!"
"Lol ok bye"
"What!? You obviously don't care about me, blablabla"
"blablabla" later that night we got back together.

What would be the best way to respond when she says, "You obviously don't care about me" bs?

I can see myself in your post Roz. I'm young and this happened to me with my ex. I felt like shit when she dumped me. I tried to fake the : I'm ok, but I sucked at it. I find this funny because it's been like a year and a half and it's basically since this moment that I started to read stuff on PU and learn a little bit about the game. I feel cliche saying it changed my life, but it definitely did. I'm now glad she dumped me since I changed and became like 100x times more interesting than the person I was. I probably will use this technique for real in my future relationships.

Thanks for the info and keep posting Roz, you're always interesting

_________________
I am me

I would like to disagree - acting unaffected is good, just saying "ok" is bad.
Let me elaborate:
Guys typically can be bad at showing how they feel therefore if you just say ok then you may just be confirming her idea that you don't really give a shit about the relationship at all (which is something I seen happen far to many times).
Instead, you need to remain unaffected but still let her know the break up is not something you want.
If I was ever in this situation, I would say something like this (assuming I meant it), I would say it very calmly and then walk away:
"Ok *pause* before I go, please know that I honestly love you" *walk away*.

Asking for reasons is surely better than just saying "ok". If you ask for a reason, and get some sugar coated line that's basically "I'm not that into you... anymore" THEN you can just forget about her and realise that it's her problem not yours.

My girlfriend gets moody sometimes if girls even talk to me; imagine if she said she wanted to break up and I just said "ok". If she thought I'd cheated on her I would never know, instead i'd just be confirming it with the bland "ok".

However, I do agree that if a girl splits up with you, don't beg and beg. If it happens, I would suggest to ask why and if there's no reason through a fault of your own just forget about it (or try and move on).

I totally agree with Madals.

When my gf had broken up with me,I pleaded(as Hobbit advocates at times)at first by saying,"We shouldnt do this,I dont want this".

Then I became non-affected after my pleas and said OK.

Rather than just ok,Im gone.

I made her know that I didnt want the break up.

But this' Roz's point.

She doesnt explicitly mean to say "OK".

What she means is the vibe & tonality should be OK,non-affected.

Not that you have to literally use the word OK.

If that's not Roz's point,well Im adding to it.

_________________
Most active PUA blog in the community since 2009.
https://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com ... arly-2022/

Now active on YT again with PUA, Red Pill, Manosphere content:
https://youtu.be/tj5rnL_qKfM

Nice thread; if old knowledge, the young ins could definitely do with this excellent reminder every now and then.

I'd like to highlight John's point above, because only a month ago I got pretty screwed by a girl because of that.

It was funny, because one night at a bar she said "I know you can read me like a book. But I don't understand you. I just don't know where I stand. You're always with so many girls". (Standard).

Fastforward a few weeks and now I can't tell what the hell she is thinking, and she can read me like a book. That's rare.

The reason is at first she wanted an exclusive relationship with me, and then half way through she changed her mind and just wanted to be fuckbuddies, but she couldn't communicate either of these things very well.

So women change their mind. The key, is to never change what you are offering. If you try to mold what you can offer to what they want, not only will they become dubious and you become incongruent to your previous self, but the game will simply get messy and probably fall apart. You can't be all things to all people.

Just a tangent I thought I'd add x

Well for one you can point out the fact that it's her ending things with you, not the other way around. Also, make it clear:
"Of course I care. But I'm not going to beg you to stay if you don't want to".
I added this response in my OP, because I think it's a really good one, and it also goes with the theme I was stressing of don't plea, just take it. If you've been dating for a while, and you do in fact mean it, I would actually recommend it!


-Roz

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Sorry Roz. This thread seems to be going in the wrong direction.

Firstly, You need to stop focusing on relationships like a power struggle, granted the dynamic of leadership will always be there, but "being less affected" is just another version of PU mind games, which should not be the focus of any relationship scenario.

Secondly, Positive action is required to make a relationship work, people NEED to extend and put in the effort, that means driving at 3am to her place to get your pissed off gf to calm down. That means swallowing your pride by telling your bf that you were wrong then offering him chocolates to show your sincerity.

And thridly and most importantly, recognise you're a rationalising animal, not a rational one. So at all costs avoid referring to past experiences for evidence or insight, it's difficult, especially for you as a girl here, becuase there can sometimes be a sense of entitlement to being right on this forum via virtue of having a vagina between your legs.

Don't get caught up in that, personal experience (especially one as emotionally loaded as a break up) is a very shaky thing to draw expertise from.

I like this post.

Every time I did not moved on, I kept hanging forever and the girl would feed from my self pity, I could feel my self esteem going lower, lower and lower. And it actually made it harder to forget the girl and find another one.

When on the other hand I did move on, and in fact I showed I didn't need her, she would sometimes try to win me back, or at very least drop off her own pedestal.

I hate when women play power games, and sometimes I'll walk away just so she wakes up that we are equals in the relationship, she's not better because she has pussy and tits.

I think this relates closely to my post right here: the-best-pua-lesson-ive-ever-got-vt78864.html

Thanks Roz.
Always like some female input.

_________________


"Their compliance is,
'Does she grab your hand?' F*ck you! I want to grab her mind. If I can
grab her mind, she'll be grabbing whatever I want, any way I want her to." - Ross Jeffries

Roz . . . a couple of clarifications for you . . . from a 'man's perspective'.

1. "Smartness" has nothing to do with it. The guy who says "OK" is the guy who DOES NOT give a rat's ass about you. Let me tell you exactly what the 'smart guy' is thinking while you're busy with your 'smart' break-up lines. "OK, OK, get it over with already. I'm calling Janine first. No, I'm calling Deb, hmm . . yes! Can't wait for that pussy. . OK, OK . . are you done already?" ---. . ."Ehmm. . . OK . . ."

2. You call him back 2 weeks later to get back together? "Ehmm . . .OK, I guess your pussy wasn't so bad. . ."

3. ^^This bothers many, many women in the opposite way that you've described. Many women would understand exactly what "OK" means and move on to find better people. Instead, you chase after them. Stop deluding yourself by thinking that all women respond the way you and do and give some thoughts to wonder why you are turned on by guys who don't give a rat's ass about you. You labeling them, "Smart" is both pathetic and sad.

To the guys:

Some of you insecure knuckleheads deserve emotional voids. Do you really, really desire a girl who requires you to pretend that you don't give a rat's ass about her? "OK" is not the opposite of a being a whiny little bitch. Stand up and be a man. (If she doesn't want a man, let her go.)

As I understand what Roz is saying - its not about pretending not to give a rats ass but more not begging her to stay with you.
It's a balance - SHOW her that you still want the relationship to continue (if you do) rather than TELLING her.
The way I always look at it is this; if a women seriously wants to break up with you and you plead and beg to get her to stay with you then chances are she is staying with you through guilt. I know I wouldn't want to be in a relationship held together by the other person feeling to guilty to end it.