I work with this girl, shes only 19...Im 32. She has a bf and lives with him and his mom. she told me online a few days ago that she likes me...etc. She said she has been going out of her mind not knowing how to tell me she likes me. I am thinking she plans on breaking it off with her bf and just making us a couple. Her ^ her cousin came over last night and we hung out talked...laughed..etc, I am fine with that. I have no problem being friends with her but I know damn well she trying to get with me behind her bf's back? he doesnt know she came to my house last night and she wants to come over today and ride to work with me (same hours) and then chill at my house tonight! I dont know what to do! I dont like her in that way and this happened all the sudden in the past 2 days. Shs BI too, and has open relationships in her past. Im just scratching my head. I went to the gas stattion today and she called me while I was gone and left a message "hey mike its me...I stopped by ur house noone there...(long pause) thought we could hang and go to work, call me at this number.........if not see ya at work......" I am NOT attracted to her! But friendship is fine but I think she is chasing me and wants more. Plus it sucks that I work with her and cant really just go to work not worrying about it. Yes I believe in being honest, but this is fresh to me out of the blue

ask yourself this: at some point in my life, will i ever want to have sex with this girl?
if not, tell her
BUT.. it's easier to give her some love, maybe even a kiss, and tell her you are a free bird and will not be having any exclusive relationships anytime soon
tell her you know she likes you alot and it makes you happy, but you are a man with lots of friends and you just want to have fun with everyone and enjoy yourself with people
*kiss on the forehand* ::BIG SMILE:: end of story lol
EITHER WAY, this sort of thing is really about how you deliver the information
when you reject/deny a young girl sexually, always be smiling, touching, carressing, and looking at her with your best sympathetic puppy eyes, ironically- it's kinda like foreplay lol
remember, rejection is more embarrassing than over-attraction
just try not to ruin this girl

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i'm more playful, ergo i win

NO I do NOT want sex with her! I am not attracted to her. Shes heavy set, kinda macho attitude since she is bi, but def a cool person. Just a hang out/talk girl she is fine but I dont want her assuming that WE will end up a "couple" down the road, ya know? I just need to be bluntly honest

Im all one for honestly infact i advocate honesty allot, but you need to be careful, their is a fine line especially here, between making her hate you, and just being freinds.

THE FACT YOU HAVE TO WORK WITH HER, is the key thing here, you need to not be brutally honest, but honest at the same time, trust me when i say this, if you reject her in the wrong way, she will be a total bitch to work with.

As such i would suggest saying along the lines of "What we have is really special, if we go out then split up, it will be ruined, and i dont want to loose you so lets just be freinds" (girls do this all the time it does need polishing but thats up to you )

Jtaz

I emailed her my honesty and this was her reply. LOL I am going crazy...this is obsession!!!!

"Okay well, I just feel like you're what my heart really wants. I love circling the block three times just to see your home...It drives me crazy, day in and out just thinking about you. Today when me and my mom went to the store to see you, i had begged her to go with me so we could buy something just so that I could see you....even with as much time as i have spent with you the passed few days, to me it still isn't enough. I understand that you want to be friends, but even that drives me crazy. Im not sure why I feel so strongly...I just do and thats why I have been sick to my stomach because im so nervous around you. When im not with you I feel like my world has crashed and i stuck in a small corner where i can't see..and then when i see you or im near you i can see and i feel better, yet nervous. The passed few days have been the best and the worse days of my life. I thought I had gone through this before, but this has never happened to me before and it scares me because im not sure what im doing....then i just make myself even more depressed with my weight and the fact im so young...i just keep coming up with reasons why you wouldn't want to see me anymore...or would think im too obsessive.....I worry that you will just push me away and nothing i do would stop it....i hate the way I feel when im with you...but its like a drug...i cant stay away from you because I feel like I need you...even being away from you for a few hours kills me..kills me so much that I just cant stand it...theres nothing in this world i wouldnt do for you...as weird as that sounds...but Im scared because i think this pain wont go away...and seeing you in work...it doesnt even matter what you're doing...I just..i cant keep my eyes off of you..even when i want to..I cant. My heart just beats harder and harder when i see you...i cant contain myself and I feel like its going to explode...I know..it all seems weird with the amount of time I have known you...but even from day one..the first day I met you...something hit me and it hit me hard. Then I didnt realize what it was and then I went over to your house and now I can feel it...and it just hurts so badly...I know you dont mean for it to hurt...but it does..I mean...now everytime I hear Adam Lamberts song, Whatya want from me....I just can't stop thinking about you...thats all that runs through my mind all day. it doesnt matter what im doing, or who im with...it just thinks of you..but like i said...your just a drug that i cant get over..one that i love so much and cant hide away....no matter how great the pain.."

What circumstances led to this bizarre situation? Does she work in the same place as you or something? Yeesh. I'd be firm and tell her to go listen to some Linkin Park since they'll understand her vast inner torture, but I'm also a dickhead.

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Only one thing could cure this: Dance Music.

Has she ever tried to touch you?
I really wonder what made her think that she could comfortably tell you all this.
If a girl is not sure that you share the same feelings, she doesn't expose herself this way. She'd try to find out where you are at and not humiliate herself.

Maybe you are a bit like I used to be, overfriendly to everybody, and she misunderstood. Have you ever tried to tell her that you don't feel the same way?
If you let her do all of this without giving any sign of disinterest, she thinks that this is going somewhere

No I have not gave her any clues into that. Yes I am overly friendly and that may be the problem. She just keeps showing up at my house. I have two neices in their 20's and I told them the entire situation and they said this bitch is crazy! Clingy, immature, cheater, and just needs to go away ccause shes not even worth my friendship if she cant respect how I feel. My one wilder-headed niece said she was gonna whoop this girls ass if she dont knock this shit off,lol, but I told her to just cool it.

I know she is just trying to make me like her by being around me so much..to where Ill change my mind? Its just not happening! She needs to grow up, talk to her BF or just move on. I dont know what else to tell her at this point, especially since i work with her

this one seems like she might be borderline stalker-ish....u need to decide what kind of terms you want to be with her. I would not recommend friendship if this girl is this obsessed with you because she might turn psycho if she sees you with another girl. My suggestion would be to completely ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist. If possible, eliminate all communication.

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IgGy

Yo, just bang the gil once and tell her that's all you get!

No but in all seriousness I hate when girls get all stalky and expect you to like them if you hang out with them more. In reality, it actually damages the relationship more that way


This ones a tough nut to crack man... You could make her your sex slave forever and fuck you on command... Or you can hurt this girls feelings to where she might actually slit your throat with a knife one day when she drives by your house 3 times. That, or your next girlfriend. Either way it's all bad dude. I suggest making her your sex slave. Thats MY opinion.

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Well here it is 2 weeks later after I emailed her my honesty. She agreed to stop coming over...etc. we still talked at work or via facebook. But it got worse in the past few days now.

she came back to our store we work at before I closed up for the night and she had her couisn with her trying to hook her up with a stock-guy..etc. But as we were outside chatting, they walked to his truck as the girl stayed by me and took my box of donuts I had got before locking up. The other kid then yelled "hey im not supposed to tell ya but she wants you to kiss her to get your donuts back!" being all funny about it...she told him to shut up and I felt really really weird!

I was like "so uh u wanna kiss me...?" she said yea and she was acting all childish again, gazing in my eyes. The kid yells "mike...just do it!" I just felt very uncomfortable in that moment. didnt know what to say...how act...or how to feel! Anyway...I just said i cant unless its an innocent nsa kiss...? Her face dropped! the mood changed and she acted let down. she handed my donuts back and said sorry for making me feel any wierdness there. she then finally walked to her car, in that moment I felt like an asshole! Whether I dont want her....i felt like a prick! As she walked off I yelled are you ok? she turned around and nodded yea...see ya whenever...just really sounded sad.

So I came home and she text me saying she was sorry for being like that, and she cant get over me, her bf is a jerk, she will dream about me...blah blah. I dont know whats with this girl..noone had been this much into me ever!! Maybe its my attitiude & fashion change im working on idk. But she then text me "what if tomorrow night i come up to your house with full cunfidence and just kiss you nsa?" I just dont need this crap going on any further guys!

her bf is 18, and he has no idea aboiut this obviously, and I just dont feel right for many reasons. She actually mentioned to the other kid "yea me and the jerk are done...he dont know it i just live there" Its just a fucked up situation! Im half tempted to just email her and tell her to lay off again...in nicer words of course.lol. advice?

Eh, creepy. Extremely weird. If I were you, I'd be trying to hide from that woman. Meaning you have no contact whatsoever with this girl, because not only is it potentially harmful to you - it's harmful to her. Who knows what she'll do if she keeps going at this rate.

Nip it in the bud, man.

this girl sounds so messed up, and yh you dont want to be unnecessarily cruel but
* she has a huge crush and unhealthy crush on you
* she is acting obsessive like a stalker
* you work with her
* she is kinda too young for you
*she has a bf already

if it were me i would just tell her that its not really about her, but you never ever have relationships with people you work with. i know personally that i would never do that, cos of how messy it would get if it all didnt work out, but also its a great thing to say to someone i work with if the got a crush on me or whatever, cos it meant its not about them per se, and i am just sticking to principles that are best for everyone, and allow you to stay professional

even if you fancied her it wouldnt be a good idea in any case, esp since she is so obsessive cos what happens when it ends, she would just get worse and maybe say you were harassing her at work or something and you could lose your job

also i would keep those texts she sent you cos if she does try something to make you look bad cos she is feeling so rejected, you have proof of how she was behaving

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Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
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