I know this is a long read, but its one of the strangest things to happen to me after 3.5 years of studying PUA.

I’ve been seeing Annie for 5 months. There’s never an awkward moment when we’re together and our commonalities were almost creepy (same interests, same ambitions, hobbies and even birthdays). We even had a habit of finishing each other’s sentences.

Unfortunately, 2 weeks ago, I told her I was hesitant about a relationship because she might be moving away next year. I wanted to speak to her about it. She completely misinterpreted me and thought I was breaking up with her. We didn’t speak for a few days and when we met up again she didn’t want to bring up that topic. Things went downhill and I could feel her becoming distant.

Last night, I met up with her for coffee. When I finally told her about her fears of moving away she was shocked. She misunderstood me and thought it was over between us, and that she DEFINITELY was not going away next year.
I was surprised by this serious miscommunication.

But I was even more taken aback when she followed up with – “but it did get me thinking over the past week and I’m beginning to doubt us too.’ She broke up with me there and then.

I turned into an AFC and instead of leaving, continued to linger and talk. She refused to communicate with me and just kept telling me to leave. Finally, after much goading she admits that – ‘You send me mixed signals and when you said you were hesitant, I don’t want to ruin our friendship.’ (I work 60+ hour weeks, sleep 4-5 hours a night and still make time to see her, yet this is how she views it).

When she told me that, I told her that wasn’t the case. That I hadn’t met a girl like her in a long time and it was stupid she couldn’t see how much I ‘fucking liked her’. It was a state of the union address that actually made her smile.

For about an hour, everything was fixed.

But I was caught up in the honesty of our moment. Later on, I stupidly told her that- ‘when we just met, I was in a relationship with another girl. But it was an open relationship and I was very honest about it. I wanted to give you and I a chance, so I ended things with this girl.’

Annie’s eyes widened. She stopped walking in the middle of the street and she just said – ‘I’m going home right now.’

I know what I said was AFC. But my intuition told me that she had trust issues with me. She’s a Christian girl without much dating experience. Her eyes started tearing up.

I responded–‘I broke up with this girl because it would have been wrong otherwise. But I don’t want to lead girls on when I know it’s going nowhere. It had less to do with you. I make my own choices.’

That was true, and seemed to assuage her momentary fears and I ended up driving her home around midnight. We go for a walk around the quiet streets, holding hands, talking and laughing. But my relationship senses tell me something is not quite right. I say to her-

‘It can’t be that simple. You can’t go from not wanting a relationship with me, to suddenly being ok within the span of 4 hours. What else is there?’

She replies – ‘I thought I was the intuitive one...but you’re right’

So we sat down on the curb in the dark and I wait for her to tell me. I wait. I wait. She steeples her fingers against mine and nestles her face into me. We sit for 2 hours and she can’t tell me. I become frustrated.

After much hesitation she says – ‘I just want to be friends. There’s an issue I can’t bring up or talk to you about. But it’s a big one and we should just stay friends.’

I become the AFC again. Against all the principles of PUA, I start to rationalize with her. I tell her that she’s willing to throw everything away with me just because she’s too stubborn. I say being friends will not work. She either tells me now, or I walk away for good. It’s her choice.

She curls up in my lap. She buries her face in my shoulder, and clutches my arm tighter than she ever has. She was starting to cry. (This girl isn’t the type to show emotion easily.)

‘Finally she says, I can’t.’

I’ve never been so confused before.

I get up and leave. But my heart is not convinced. Stupidly, I end up turning around and saying – ‘well then at least say good bye to me.’

She refuses to. I say – ‘is this your choice then? Say good bye to me so I can leave and we can end it now.’

‘So you want me to tell you to leave?’

‘Only if you mean it.’

She shakes her head and stays quiet. We repeat this dialogue for some time.

Finally she says very unconvincingly – ‘go. Get away from my house then. Go.’

I drove off but not after saying - 'I haven't let a girl in for a long time and when I did you totally shut me down and out.'

Right now it's the morning after. I been an idiot. My chest physcially hurts (an AFC affliction?). I know I made so many mistakes and broke so many rules. I really appreciate the effort of those who read all of that. If someone could tell me where exactly this went wrong, or share similar experiences, I'd like never to repeat this situation again.

It's hard to say man, if this girl has an issue she won't discuss, there's nothing you can do. The AFC behaviour didn't help but I suspect it's not the main reason.

The brutal truth is that you'll probably never know what her issue is. I've been in your situation before and I've simply had to move on - let it hurt.

Continue polishing your PUA skills and prepare to fight another day! Live & learn.