Thanks alot for replying and helping me out. As you probably noticed, this is a bigger issue than the topics title lol.
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I think the first step is figuring out what you really want.
Yea I think so too. I think your right, I should start with a girl and then see if shes worth it or what.
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The reason I don't see this long distance relationship fitting you is because from earlier posts it seems like you want a girlfriend because all your friends have them and because you feel lonely.
Well the truth is now that I realized it, my only close friend doesnt have a girlfriend and he struggles with girls too. My other friend who I mentioned I hardly am really close to him and I am not in his main friends circle. I just feel jelous that he gets girls and I dont. When ever I go to these dances that come up ocasionally, thats when I usualy see these guys who are not really my close friends anymore. I used to be part of their friendcircle but then I only really was part of their circle because of the girls well not only becauise of the girls because i mean they werent that good looking, but I really used to only talk to the girls, I didnt like the guys that much i dont know why. I would talk to girls about my emotional problems and about tips to get girls or stuff. I was really emotional back then when i was in that circle. Then when I broke up with my 1 month gf , i started reading about pickup and stuff. I dont know if I anaylized David Dangelos Double your dating properly, because I never used to actually go out and try the stuff. But what came out was that I was supposed to be cockey and funny to get girls. After the breakup I started acting like a jerk to all my girlfriends, to me it was fun because it made things so interesting but in the long run, i pretty much llost them as 'freinds' lol. But it fixed my emotional problem and that was a good thing. When I mean emotional problem , I dont know if it was a phase or what but i was just usualy depressed , and not confident and pretty much an AFC.
Then the breakup happend and I was angry which then lead to huge depression. and after like alot of months is when i got over that depression and got cocky. Also to mention, my old and pretty much only relationship was with a girl i only met once, and i used to talk to her on messenger every day over the summer and that brought our attraction. I didnt know anything about game and I just talked to her as a close friend. Then somehow she actually liked me evne tho she prolly forgot what i looked like. I went for it and then we dated for a month...but i was so insecure , always thinking that maybe she doesnt really like what i look like or something (because we used to talk through a friken computer lol). But it was a long distance relationship and I only dated her on weekends so I guess like 3 dates is all I had and then she broke up with me a few days after our best date :S. Althought it was so short, it felt so real because we talked for so long and had alot of history. So maybe your right that long distance relationships wont work for me cause my experience was bad.
But then agian, I kinda dont want a real full on dating relationship right now. When I think of close relationships, I think of like,
girl at your house, already familier with parents and family
Girl who calls you everyday to talk
Girl who you take on dates almost everyday
Girl who gets emotional at times
This could be with even long distance relationships and thats why I dont know if i want a 1 type girl friend, unless shes the type that isnt so bothering and all. I dont evne know why I feel unconfortable. Possibly I feel wierd about ti because I dont get girls. I know a friend of mine who is scared of even being around girls and thats maybe because he doesnt talk to any. So it could be a similar situation. The reason why Im scared of using phone is because like i hate awkward moments. Call them and then its just i dont know what to say. Thats why i think why not avoid it. All in all, I need to get out of my confort zone and I have to try. Im sorry for just expressing all this , im just trying to give out information that might be relevant.
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so if you are lonely, how would someone who is not physically around change that? Sure you would have someone to talk to, but the physical aspect is not there, and I don't see that solving anything.
I can see where your comming from, but when I mean long distance, I dont mean too far. The girl I mentiond in this post is in my city so I dont know if its that far. But like its far from my school and she has no friends in comman that I know of. Anyhow If I have a girlfriend right now this year, I do not want one to date on weekdays. I just cant date on weekdays because im in grade 12 and my studys are way more important than getting girls right now. If I dont get into university, my life is going to have to change badly, but If I dont get that girl, there will be more opportunities. I dont even have time to play video games and watch tv. I dont know if i have a learning problem but my homework from school takes atleast 4 hours minimum a day give or take. So I pretty much am saying I dont have time on weekdays for a girlfriend. Im looking for a girl who wants to hangout 1 day a week, or if I really like her, I can even just study with her at the local library.. I do have my licence to drive !. Anyhow I dont want this girl calling me on weekdays while i do homework cause then il have to stayup till 11 finishing my homework. Thats just my problem right now, but on holidays like break, I wouldnt mind dating her and all.
I feel lonely in the sence as no one to talk to. I dont get girls calling my phone anymore and i mean no friends that are girls. I really want a girl whos attracted to me to call me and yea somone who I am attracted to also. I dont really care If I will hardly see her in person much but aslong as i know she'll be there when I need her then its all good. Like I mentioned above, If theres a dance, I can take her to the dance and not only fit in but also will have fun with her at the same time. Althought only some of the friends i know at the dances will have girlfriends, the ones that dont will be jelious and I dont like those guys verymuch so it'll be a win win for me.
I also want a girlfriend to just proove to myself that I can get girls. I mean I havnt gotten a girl since my ex and thats a long time. I cant get a girlfriend and I want one because when i was dating my ex, it was like the best thing in my life, i slept with a happy smile, i would always think about her, it was such a good dam experience. Was happy to wakeup the next day to just go on my computer and talk to her (lmaoo).
Those friends I mentioned that goes to dances, I dont really talk to them outside the dance, i mean and i hardly talk to them even at the dance so I dont know if their friends anymore or what but they are ppl i can say hi to and talk to for a while and sit with etc.
I only pretty much share almost everything to my 1 friend and he doesnt get girls and I mentioned him b4. I usualy dont go anywhere without him and at school this is the worst days of my school life. Because hes gone on vacation ( well comming back tomorow!!!!!!) and at lunch I have to sit with guys i am not opened with. Guys who disclude me , like i have to sit on the end of the fkn table. Guys who dont get girls. The guys that do get girls are jerks and i dont even want to be their friends because their racists n shit. I just like this 1 friend and you know what they say... you become what your friends are. They say hangout with guys who get girls and u will start getting girls. I think its true because when I had a gf, i didnt really talked to my best friend who i have now and i used to talk to more of the guy who I mentioned am jelious off, the guy who kissed an 8 on newyears.
Anyways, I want a girlfriend because of many reasons.
Girlfriends have friends, maybe i can finally get into a new and mixed friend circle. ( I dont really have a friend circle and I want one because i dont do anything on weekends now).
Having a girlfriend brings good feelings ( but also bad... so thats why i thought b4 maybe i jus want more than 1 girl instead of 1 serious girl.) Maybe if its bad feelings, i can just dump the girl and get other girls... but as you may have noticed, i am not good at getting girls... if i was,, then maybe it wudnt be so bad because i could just move on to the next train .
I will fit in more at dances and i can just have great time with my girlfriend.
I can also make other guys jelious
Other guys will be like " oh yea he gets girls"
Guys can look up to me.
thats all i can think of right now.
But I think yea getting a girlfriend can make me super happy but with risks of sometimes feeling bad because it involves os much emotional conection. But getting just hookups and multiple dates will make me happy too just not as happy ( i think) and will not have any emotional connection so no sad times.
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Would having a girlfriend who lives far away (as you said) really make you feel "fit in" or no different because she isn't there? Do you want a girlfriend just to "fit it" or because you truly want one?
Well I guess i just want to fit in at dances and Im hoping for a girl that would be able to attend dances with me. I usualy only see these guys at the dances so thats why. Also If I go to malls or just dates, I can bring her with me. She isnt too far from me, maybe a 15 min - 20 min drive so I dont know if its far. But I think I have more problems to fix b4 going after any girls. I also want a girlfriend because its a good experience and It will be fun dating her (once a week ofcourse lol). I think that i just really want osmone to make me feel special or like loved or just interested even.
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Just because a girl is very attractive to you doesn't mean she is a bitch or untrustworthy.
You are right , It was my bad for assuming. I think its because I never really talked to any 10's. When I think of a 10 I think of a girl that looks like paris hilton. Although I dont think paris hilton is that hot, she has like that type of attitude that demonstrates higher value. Whats what I pretty much think. I never think of a girl whos beautiful and really nice on the inside and lovable and all. I personally think that I dont know much about gaming girls. I want to relearn everything because I dont remember much and I didnt really finish learning any of it. My friend was saying that he is going to teach me and I talked to him once about it and he was supposed to teach me how to get girls naturally. He tells me he is good at getting girls but iv never seen proof, he has a girlfriend and shes pretty decent. But I really want to start over and learn the right things. Thats why I started comming to this forum alot.
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I am very insecure at times and I am obv not an alpha male.
Why do you feel this is true?
I feel this is true because, I dont think I have much alpha male qualites, I think i just fake the qualities. I wasnt naturaly a jerk I became a jerk thinking i could get girls because I thought Jerks had a better chance. Now I know they dont and I lost so many friends cause of that.
Am I an Alpha Male?
Alpha male is like the confident guy, I am not confident at all in getting girls . Why else but because I dont get girls. When I get a girl come to talk to me I play my cards right, I lean on my locker make her look more interested in me, demonstrating higher value to others watching... but do I get girls? no. I never had a girlfriend since my ex and common I didnt use any game to get her... i didnt even know about game and i was 15 when i dated her.
Alpha males is the guy who has alot of friends , you can tell I dont. I dont really care about friends much like guy friends, i just want to get girls... i just care about girls lol. I have 1 good friend i feel thats enough. but I do want a friendcircle just for hanging out.
Alpha male is like the guy who hosts parties, the leader, the inspirere. I never host parties, im very unsocial because i dont go out on weekends anymore , i dont have a friend circle so how can i lead one. I inspire people and try to teach my looser friend ( who is afraid of being around girls) some game.. but he doesnt listen to me and i dont know game my self really.
Alpha male speaks up for themselves, gets out of their confort zone. I hate getting out of my confort zone and thats because I feel ppl will notice. Like in my philosophy class I used to raise my hand often in the first week of class. then suddenly i stoped raising my hand.. stopped answering questions. And Philosophy is all about personal oppinion and alll, so Its the class where you have to share ur thoughts. I hardly do. And I dont know if its because im not good at expressing how i feel verbally or because im nervious.
Why Im insecure?
I dont like my looks. They say looks dont matter but I believe they do. They matter a little bit. To me any guy thats average can get girls as long as they have extremly good game. I thikn I might be below average.
I just hate almost everything about my face.
My nose is long and big... its not even semetrical iv noticed.
my face has acne ( which i think is going away so thats good news ) but its leaving holes or scars in my face (thats what sucks).
My eyebrows are thick...i prolyl even have a natural unibrow kinda.. but i shave that off in the middle.
Im 5'7 thats short compared to average I think. And even my younger brothers are taller than me... but im 17 so maybe il still grow.
Im not muscular just skinny ( I weigh 130lbs and i want to increase so that when i start working out i can loose the wieght... i also am afraid of stunting my growth.)
Also my chest and back have marks from acne and that discourages me from taking off my shirt, from working out, from swiming, from even comming out of the shower with just a towel. none of ym brothers suffer like this ( from what i see).
I cant speak properly, my choice of words when talkin are all basic. I studder alot thats why i have problems speaking.
I have eye problems like i cant see far distance but that doesnt relate much to this topic lol
So yea I hae alot of inner self to work on but I dont know how to do this... I mean commin Neil Strauss said all those things about himself being ugly and all but when i looked at his picture, he didnt seem ugly infact seemd pretty decent.
He got piercings and went bald and all but I know for sure I cant get a real piercing nor do i really want to. I know it might make me look better but my parents wont allow and in our tradition i dont think anyone has earings in my whole family whos guy. I can get a clip on but i dont know where to buy em.
also no tatoos.
Theres not much i can do for looks but wear good clothes and cologne.
And common I still dont believe that the short guy who looks disabled... who is a very motivational speaker ( I forgot his name) and who somehow dates models. I dont belive that he dates models. I mean i dont even believe he can date a 5. from looks he is like prolly a 1. and evne with good clothing he cant get to the average level. I dont know I think hes just saying all this stuff and he prolly sells books and wants ppl to buy it for money. Maybe he pays women to hangout with him... But common like even if it is true, this is like a one in 1000 chance an ugly guy will be sucessful with girls. Thats what I think.
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Well if they are your friends and you are in the same social circle, shouldn't that mean you are connected as well? I would stop using someone else's success rate to measure my own. Everyone has different goals when it comes to girls.
So yea i mentioned we arent really in the same social circle anymore, so I dont talk to him much out of school. the girl hes with is his bestfriends brothers girlfriends friend (lol). But i guess your right i just get jelious tho. Right now i just want to improve and actually be able to get girls then I can start thinking about getting more girls at once and open relationships etc.
Dam It took me maybe an hour to right this maybe 2 .... its long so im really sorry to make u read this. I just expressed anything that came to mind.
I think instead of focusing on this girl that i might meet up with, I really think we shud focus more on my self first. I have so many issues and I dont know what I really want. Sometimes I want 1 girl but then i realize I want more than 1. But the truth is I cant even get a girl to be attracted to me who I am attracted too aswel. I cant choose my girl, they always choose me. I think what I really want now is to just be able to get girls attracted to me. I do what a girlfriend and maybe I want more but what I really need is girls to be attracted to me first in order to have the ability to choose. Maybe once I (if I) begin to start getting alot of girls to like me, then Il become a pua. Maybe I only want 1 girlfriend because I cant get much girls and 1 girl could be all that I can get?