Quote:
I am going to try to control the illusion of seperation. I will notice when I need to talk to her because of fear, instead of pleasure.
What?
No.
Look, man. You need a complete reprogramming of how your thought processes are structured as a whole. Your ego will definitely fight me on this, but just tune out your ego and listen.
"If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting"
If you keep thinking the way that you've been thinking, you'll also get the same result.
Trust me on this. Drop that plan of yours and focus on solving the problem at the ROOT by DESTROYING your ego. I know that you do not currently understand the connection between ego and the illusion of separation, but just trust me and do it, and eventually you WILL see.
Also, stop trying to control things and JUST LET GO. Look up the concept of Wu Wei in Taoism. It will make absolutely no sense at first, but just ruminate over it for a while.
Next, look up zazen meditation and start doing that for 5 minutes a day. It will actually change structures in your brain on a PHYSICAL level so that it may work in a more effective fashion for your current needs.
Wax on, wax off.