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Hello,
Im 21yo guy, considered good looking and nicely dressing. I've been many times in situation where woman seeks my attention and after discussing with me some time, she's left with disappointment. Im not able to escalate the conversation anywhere and I think the problem is because Im seriously not able to have those conversations. All I can think is minor chitchat, which I can pull off somewhat easily, but it bores even myself after quarter of talking.
I have wide social circle, I started this new school last autumn and I've developed tens of contacts over there. I have no problem approaching new people, I learned to get rid of it when I created my school contacts. I havent talked much to them after first few times, mostly because I like how to look at me now: they hold me in higher value, but if they'd talk me for few hours they'd prolly think differently, although the problem isnt as bad with men as it is with women. I have been able to maintain the status with some of the new friends, but mostly not.
The problem is very frustrating since it feels that I've developed in every other PUA aspect during last half year except on conversations. I've also noticed that I cant talk "deep" conversations with my closest friends either. I'd like to change this - I'd like to learn how to talk to people. My tone, eye contact and gestures could also be better, but they've also developed hugely during few months when compared to my conversational skills.
So, you have any point for me where to start on?
What do you do? what have you done? To talk about something in detail you have to know about it.
Personally i could talk about basketball, medicine, my opinions etc etc for hours and thats what you need to be able to do aswell.
To me it sounds like you are getting into light convo easy, things like why are you here, how are you doing, nice night? Those things are called closed questions which means they can be answered with things like yes/no or other short answers.
To have a deeper, longer conversation you need to ask open questions. An open question is something that cant be answered in a single sentance. Here is an example "If you had a choice of knowing how to get anything or knowing what you want, which would you choose and why?". That question cannot be answered simply, whatever they say you can follow up on with more questions and the person you are talking to will likly ask you something similar back.
Back to my first point about needing things to talk about. The only way to have things to talk about is by doing things. If you dont already have some get hobbies, do things that are interesting. If someone asks you what you did at the weekend and you say "oh, i watched x-factor and then went for a beer" its going to kill the conversation. However, if your responce was "I went rock climbing " you are going to get a lot more interest back such as why you do it, where, how long for etc etc.
Lastly, why the hell are you spending hours talking to women you have just met? do things to break up the time. Go places, do things live life.
Quick summery:
1) Go out and LIVE LIFE. You cant talk about stuff unless you have experienced things
2) Don't spend hours talking, go and share experiences with people
3) Open questions (things that cant be answered with yes/no or single sentances)
4) If you can, join a debating club. Discuss current affairs, things going on in the world anything that you can have an opinion on.
Feel free to ask more.
Madals