How do you handle friends that are so-called "laid back" and "easy going" and when they invite you it is like a half-assed invite. Like you know they are your friend but they will say stuff like, well I am going to _______ or some friends are doing _______ so if you want to come then come if not then whatever.

This is one of my best friends (well used to be but I realized that friendship has changed the nature of our relationship). But I don't like to make someone a priority when they only make me an option. I don't like being a back up plan for someone when their plans fall through---i don't think anyone does.

I think in his mind he thinks he is making an effort but I am not sure if it is too little too late, or better than never. I have spoken to him about this issue before but obviously nothing changed. And part of me wants to see him but the other part just doesnt want this cycle to continue. So how do you get a friend to show more commitment when you aren't as close anymore....can/should that even be expected? Or should I just deal with it as it is and hang out when it is convenient for him?

I'd say you're friendzoned, and that's about it. That's the way that guys invite each other out. We realize that you may have other stuff going on that night, so we don't push the invite hard. The way the guy sees it, he's just giving you an option, and he's making it clear that he won't be offended if you don't go.

Guys don't usually go out to be together. We go out to do stuff. Who's with us is almost irrelevant. In any event, he wants to do what he wants to do, and if you want to go as well, that's cool as far as he's concerned.

If you're not willing to deal with that, then you're not willing to deal with that. But based on what you've written, I don't think he means anything negative by the way he's inviting you out.

_________________
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You could follow the good advice from Stormy, or you could go out, challenge him to a drinking contest to get him completely smashed, and get him to have sex with you.

In addition to completely owning any self respect he may have had, you'll also be happy to know that he will never act apathetic around you ever again.

_________________
afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

Im talking about my friends that are girls...your plan wont work! haha

Exhibit A:
Liar liar pants on fire. Seriously though, if you got a thing for your best friend, take a shot. Better yet, have him take that shot, then a few more, and remember to chase it down with some Sam Adams...

_________________
afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

Are you into this guy, or do you just want him to invite you out differently?

_________________
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frame-control-defining-reality-and-bei-vt34530.html

This sounds like a reverse PUA problem...

If I didnt know any better I would say he is doing push-pull. Or playing hard to get.

I think Stormy is right though.
It might be that you have gone into his JUST friends cathegory, guys do it to each other all the time. Like inviting people to come along but if the other person doesnt come then we wont force him.

As guys we learn to deal with these situations since we get exposed to it so often. We are always (almost always) invited this way. So when someone actually cares enough to make an effort to be with US, we are so grateful! If it is a guy we make him our new best friend because he has flattered us. If it is a girl we fall in love... No but it does happen.
We are not used to get a very special SPAM and you are experiencing a guy thing from a girls point of view. It is quite interesting, you have actually taught us something by telling us this! I will use this to my advantage.

Ezo

BTW good luck!

Bonita, I know exactly what you are saying.
Some of my "friends" are just that, friends with the quotations around them. We are obligated to be friends for one reason or another. But sometimes they probably do not want me to come, but feel like they have to be polite and invite me during that moment.

I thought this topic was going to involve more of, friends who are lame. I mean, I like these dudes, but I have several friends who I am around a lot (guy friends), and they have very low confidence when it comes to going out, socializing, especially with women. They are more shy than I am, more introverted. I guess I am growing as a socialite and becoming better with women, as they sit and rot just hoping that they can score... sometime...

_________________
"going to workout and shit." -stunt101 (PUA chat)

Everything you said really helps...truly! Is there anyway to change this though or should I just accept it. I don't mind that I am friend zoned bc that is all I want to be...but that still implies a level of caring. So should I just let it go and understand that is how he works, bc I mentioned it to him before and it didn't change anything.

I just got a crazy idea. But it might help. I never had this problem but I can imagine that it would work if someone would do it to me. You have to AMOG him! You have to make it clear that without you there is no fun! It is pointless to meet.

It will be so totally unexpected from a girl and it will leave them wondering what the hell just happened but if you do it in a playful manner I think they will accept it.

Next time you meet you instead of giving him a hug as usual (if you do) you grab his neck, stare into his eyes in a challenging way, tell him that he is in big trouble or something. (You have to slowly advance on him so that he steps back.) Force him down into a chair or sth, keep eye contact, do not smile yet. Tell him in one condensed sentence what you want him to do, as a command and add or I will spank you.
Raise a finger in front of his face. "Or... PAUSE... maybe not."

Look at his friends, a big smile and a wink! "Did you see that, hes afraid of me!" Enjoy the laughs. Sit down, smile at him as if you just made the best joke in the world. "Now get me a beer before I have to kill you." Smile SMILE!!!! And go back to normal!


So why on earth would you do this? You will have shown dominance, you challenged his authority and he cannot fight back since you are a girl and he doesnt expect this from you. Men in groups are like dogs, they want a leader. If you get some steps up on the social hierarchy in his group you will have a higher value, and will be important to keep around.

If you dont want him to be just a friend, make him kiss your neck ONCE. And then just pretend it never happened.

I dont know if this will work, just an idea!

I like the idea of being a leader and more dominant but I doubt I would go about it in that way. That isn't something either of us would do or say and it would just sound so weird coming from either of us. I don't want him as more than just a friend so the last thing is out too...but I will take the general concept and twist it into something I can use...thanks