I think you guys are forgetting that only a few posts ago, Ghads was the one feeling "evil and sick" over this little saga. And the causes for these emotions aren't the type that disappear from reading a book or a 3 way bang session or whatever. We're looking for short-term band aid fixes and I just don't think any exists here.

What you guys are recommending is good advice . . . if YOU were Ghad. I have nothing against certain sacrifices for relationships, especially one with a lot of years of behind it . . . but there's a lot more going on here than sexual preferences.

Clearly, resentment already exists on both sides. We can only assume that Ghad is writing honestly here; his negative emotions are multi-dimensional with jealousy, fear of loss, fear of humiliation, inadequacy, etc . . . You guys really think a 3 some or a book is going to help shift the dynamics of their relationship?

And obviously, his girlfriend has been and is currently lying to somebody, either to Ghad, Missy, herself . . . or maybe all three.

You guys are thinking with your dicks. (Although, personally . . . I would be too . . .)

Ghad, this is all up to you of course but I really think you need to have a serious discussion with your girlfriend, not a pillow talk while watching porn or right after anal or while lubing up or whatever. You need to write down all your thoughts, goals and concerns over your relationship, think about how to best communicate to your gf of these topics and clear this over.

All of this "I'm thinking this, but doing that and she's telling me this and that but I bet she already did something else" is junior high school shit and while I really like the advice given here, they are better suited for more sexually liberal people in their 2nd month of their relationship and NOT jealous, possessive guys in their 10th YEAR. There is nothing wrong with feeling jealous. Those are YOUR feelings. You allow something that's not right with your personal standards to continue and you will resent your gf and this relationship more and more. Be true to yourself.

I know she desperately needs to have sex with other people but feels guilty. I have been very jealous and if I tell her any fantasy she gets angry and says I need to edit it to turn her on, even though these "fantasies" are just the porn videos she loves to watch...

Well, I got her to fantasise about Missy fucking her during a sex session and she went along with it and came very very hard. AS soon as she had come she said it was really wrong, and she felt dirty coming thinking of Missy.

She blamed me, and said she did it to get me off and it cant be part of a normal relationship. I just said it was no big deal and I enjoyed it.

She has kept asking me if I fancy Missy, which I dont much, but she kept asking me and I said I did. She didnt get angry at all, she said she was pleased at my honesty and totally ok with my fancying missy.

She then asked for a fuckability score out of 100. When I said 15, she kept arguing, saying that was bullshit, until it got up to 80.

I couldnt believe I had told her I fancy Missy and she didnt get angry, she was ok with it.

She then said she fancied missy like mad.When I said are you serious she laughed and said, no only a little bit but she had never thought about sex with her.

She said we couldnt talk about Missy anymore because it would be the same as talking about her fucking one of my friends (its not the same as its her friend but...)

She keeps joking that she might go round and stay at Missy for a night. When I get excited she laughs and says "no!!!". Apparently its just a really easy way to get me hard...

Any thoughts people

BTW, it was one fine orgasm she had thinking of Missy - she said it was crap but it certainly wasnt..

I have to say this because I've been thinking it every time I read one of your posts; are you just posting explicit things in order to get attention? I mean really, c'mon. You don't need to use the explicit details that you do, so you are either doing it for attention or you just don't realise that you're posting about 50% trashy sex. Either way, dial it down please, there really is no need for a lot of the details you include.

Assuming that this is a real problem and you're not just a troll, I think she has just as many or more sexually related psychological issues as you do. Neither of you are comfortable with your sexuality (probably why you are together, that's not uncommon) and you won't be able to talk openly or even think about things without feeling guilty because of that. She's already told you that merely fantasizing made her feel guilty and that isn't right; you're supposed to be able to think whatever you want in your fantasies without reproach.

Like we mentioned before (myself and someone else said this) go buy a copy of My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday and read it together so that you both get a better understanding of what normal fantasizing entails; it gives tons of examples from people who mailed their fantasies in, as well as discussing the psychology behind them. If she's feeling guilty over imagining sex with a girl and has to externalize it by saying she only does it for you (that's her way of removing her guilt over enjoying it if you hadn't realised that yet), then maybe understanding that it is perfectly normal for people to fantasize about much much "worse" things will help her. Lots (and I mean LOTS, not just a couple, a huge portion of society) fantasizes about things like rape, incest, bestiality, orgies, sex with minors and all sorts of other things that are considered "wrong" but because they are just fantasies there's no shame in them.

Once she understands that there IS no wrong in fantasy, then she'll be a whole lot happier with her sexuality. Once you realise that most fantasies are only good because that's all they are, then you'll be able to help her enjoy them more. Just because she fantasizes about something doesn't mean she wants it to come true, most people say that if their fantasy came true it would lose the magic for them. She needs to understand that as well because that is a big part of accepting that nothing you fantasize about is a bad thing because it doesn't mean you actually want to do it.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye