AFC Challenge to the Masters: Social Anxiety



Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 21 guests
Post new topic Reply to topic   Board index » Get Into The Game: New Forum Members Start Here » PUA Lounge




Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:48 pm 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2007 8:58 pm
Posts: 7
I've bookmarked this thread because Roads has been through a lot of what I'm going through, and its a huge inspiration!!

I find frame control rather difficult right now, and find myself getting lost in peoples derogatory, negative, or plain unhelpful mindsets. I find I can do a good job of vibing and escalating, but often after about 10 minutes I realise that I have unconciously let them pace and lead me into their frame.

This is down to my own inner game which I am continuing to work on to improve its strength. The first good point is I am now aware of it, and have already begun to pull back to my frame when the conversation requires it. More work to be done here, but I noticed Roads had the same issue that I think you always must be aware of with social dynamics.


Top
   
 Post subject: Fountain of Youth
PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:52 am 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2007 7:00 am
Posts: 1621
AOL: latergator83
Location: NE
I take no credit for this. A user by the name of Pook posted this at sosuave.net, and it has been a great source of inspiration early on in my journey. I still read this from time to time when life hands me lemons.

The original thread on that site is at

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=39559

Hopefully, this will inspire you and give you a breath of fresh air in your life as well.

Quote:
Fountain of Youth

Rejoice!

And be glad! All those frustrations, all those hesitations, the nervousness, the burning, the butterflies of unease, the confusions, and the errors that manifest itself when your mind says "Do this" and your body and personality do not follow- all of these can be washed away... forever.

Yes, you thought yourself ignorant about women, so inexperienced, so confused, and you just seemed to be following an evil circle. Maybe you were like me, a super mega dork who slept through life until now. And, perhaps like I did, you read and reread all material on women and life you could get your hands on.

But what if I told you that you were always a Don Juan at one point in time? And I do not mean in a specific situation or hour, I mean at one point in your life you KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT WOMEN and handled them WITH PERFECT EASE, so perfect that it was 100% NATURAL and if anyone told you to view a website or books for 'information' you would laugh yourself silly!

Wouldn't that change everything? Wouldn't you say to yourself, "Well! If I was the PERFECT Don Juan then I would try to remember how I THOUGHT and what I DID when I WAS that Don Juan rather than mine endless posts and books. After all, if I WAS a Don Juan, then I require only recollection NOT revelation."

Go find a picture of yourself when you were a young kid (say at age 6). Look at him! He is smiling gleefully without a care in the world. He doesn't know he is going to turn into the sad adult that you are now. Hormonally, the only difference between you and your youthful shadow is that you are flooded in testosterone and in a state of chemical madness. Your youthful shadow knows better of the joys of life. It is no wonder parents find their offspring such a wonder as they reframe the dull life of bills, appointments, and responsibilities with the fire of youth.

Yes, you say that you are an adult now. You have responsibilities such as bills and chores and work to do. You have no time for such nonsense. Or do you?

I bet when you were a kid, you were a natural Don Juan. I bet you got all the girls in the sandbox. As a child, you knew how to treat women better then even though you are now an adult. Some of these factors include that you....

-Knew girls and guys were different.

Trendy intellectuals have this problem today! You KNEW there was MALE and FEMALE.

-Realized girls had cooties and could destroy a guy.

This isn't too far off as girls can totally devour and destroy a man and his life.

-Knew that it was improper to be girlish. You would (and ought to) get beaten up on the playground.

Older people get an error in the brain called PHILOSOPHY that speaks bubble swelled words like 'relativity', 'revolution', freedom' and pop with the scent of rotten eggs of pious moralizations, bumper sticker arguments, and rambling dissertations. You knew, at an early age that YOU CANNOT FREE YOURSELF FROM GENDER.

-Girls were not to be taken seriously. After all, they are girls.

It is the nice guy that takes the woman seriously in every and all things AND CANNOT SAY NO TO HER!)

-Girls were to be guided, teased, because, after all, they were girls and, as such, tended to mess things up. You pulled their hair, made fun of their clothes...

...not because an internet guy named DeAngelo told you to do so, but because you knew instinctively that it was right and proper for you to do.

-As a boy, you would never leave the plans up to the woman. Oh, that would be awful! As a kid, you had to say WHAT you two were going to do, WHEN, WHERE, and sometimes WHY. You had to be direct.

"Why do I need a plan, Pook? Why can't we do what SHE wants to do?" Because she has no idea what she wants to do. Example:

"When do you want to come over?"

"I don't know."

"On Tuesday or Thursday?"

"I just don't know."

"How about Wednesday? Is that OK for you?"

"Maybe..."

"What about Tuesday or Friday?"

"I dunno!"

*aggravated* "Argh! I am coming to pick you up at 7:45 PM on Wednesday."

*sweetly* "OK!"

-You did not get into serious talks with a girl. You did not turn her into Oprah. You did not try to impress her with how 'intellectual' you are. You probably hit her, cried "Tag!", ran off, and she would chase after you. You would get on the swings. You would push her off the slides. On the see-saw, you would try to fall as fast as possible to catapult her away.

Everything you did with a girl was ACTION dates. Nice Guys try to cook the lady dinner. YOU wouldn't even DARE do such a thing when you were young. Now I know why some of my best dates are ones as simple as taking the girl to the park and run around like little kids. Action! Action! Action!

-As a kid you loved to sing. You loved to laugh.

What do you do now? You are so uptight that you wouldn’t catch yourself dead singing outside your home. And what happened to that happy laughter that marked your childhood? Why are you taking everything so seriously now!?

-You had toys and loved to play with them. When the girls entered your sphere, you insisted on playing with YOUR toys. You would ride your bike at death defying speeds. You played with cranes and Tonka dump trucks. You LOVED firetrucks.

When you grow up, your Hot Wheels cars turn into super fast sport cars (which you still drive at death defying speeds). Your cranes and dump trucks turn into the big ones and you still love the firetrucks. Compare this to the Nice Guy who does not understand the beauty of construction or get scared at the idea of firetrucks. There is a reason why women LOVE firemen

-You embraced your imagination. If you played with a girl, it was to be on your terms. You will not find a boy that says to a girl, "Whatever YOU want to do." I remember flicking caterpillars on girls (and they loved it!). You would point to the girl and go, "You are the detective and I am the cop." And then you pointed to others and go, "Look at these villains! Come, we must round them up!" And the girls joyfully played the part.

What do you do NOW? "Let's go get dinner." BORING.

-You had one eternal enemy in childhood, boredom. Like a void, it encroached on you in school, ensnared you with a stupid trip with the parents, and enveloped you as you stepped on the school bus. You embraced every chance for play.

If there is ONE thing a man must NEVER do to a woman, it is this: DO NOT BORE HER. Make her happy, make her angry, make her laugh, ANYTHING but bore her. That enemy, boredom, is back and women are looking for you to strike it down. Embrace your youth and live again for the first time.

-Even at your young age, you were aware of fashion. Your mother was perplexed at why you couldn't wear THAT shirt or put on THOSE shoes. You knew the importance clothes and appearance had.

Nice Guys and chumps try to say nothing for appearance and say, "she will like me for who I am", and, with the same breath, ignore the chicks who do nothing appearance wise (big whale chicks, pimply chicks, and such) while getting shot down at the real women.

-When you were young, your father was a DEMI-GOD. You both feared and loved him. He could be playful when he wanted to. But, always, he was a SOURCE of STRENGTH, always confidant, and always seemed to know the solution to any problem you came across. This feeling of awe you thought of your father is the perfect definition of a MAN.

When you strive to be that same towering figure, which seemed to have solutions to all problems, confidence for all troubles, know how for all messes, stability for all storms, women will react to you in the same way. It is said, "Women want to marry their fathers." But this phrase has been taken completely out of context. Women want to marry THAT guy, that MAN they knew when they were a little girl. You can only understand and become that man through the eyes of the young boy.

Now some women will protest this advocacy of looking at women as little girls. This works especially well with the YOUNGER chicks (which is what most guys here want). This also solves a legal mystery: why were women from 1800s and down treated, BY LAW, as children? We know the answer now). (And I would say to women to treat men the same way. Women are most charming when they view us as boys.)

"He, whom the gods love, grows young," said the ancient Greeks. Look at that picture of the young you! Now look in the mirror. The blazing light in the youth's eyes, the curiosity, and the wonders he saw at Nature and life, the joy he loved at any occasion! Are they still part of you? Look into the mirror. Is the same light in your eyes?

If not, then you know what you need to do. You have come to the solution of your Don Juan troubles. Legends spoke of a Fountain of Youth that turns the old young. Conquistadors prowled continents hunting for this magical facet of Nature. This legend of the Fountain of Youth was like a psychological splinter in the minds of so many men, driving them across the world through dangers and storms to obtain such a treasure. But it was not in the world, it was in us. Who knew women are the key that seems to unlock all of Nature's mysteries?

Doesn't this clear the stormy air of confusion? (especially with younger 'immature' women!) When you are with a woman and a thousand Don Juan philosophies and tactics come to thwart your peace, remember the kid that you were... and how he looked on life. Yes, she might be a twenty-something vixen. But underneath those milk-sacs and fat deposits that drive your chemicals mad, is a little girl. Rather than being nervous about some date, view the date as if you were seven years old. Everything becomes simple and fun (as it should be!).

One thing is for certain, women go NUTS over a guy who keeps his boyhood charm as women want an ESCAPE. They do not want to hear your views on the world. They want to have the happiness and fun of their childhood back (as everyone does!). They will FIGHT for the rare men who truly live like this (this also explains the mystery why uneducated men often seem to do BETTER with women than many men with PhDs who are so 'smart' they intellectualized life out of existence).

As we know, cell division error, aided by free radicals, accumulates errors throughout the body as time passes. A person of 80 obviously has more errors than that of 40. His tissues start to fail, making his organs fail, then entire organ systems collapse, until life is snuffed out.

In the same way, our minds start out pristine and pure (that of the child!) and everything is playful, fun, and simple. But as time passes, philosophies and bitter memories accumulate. The diseased person looks at life only through the philosophical lens, living a life of past memories, and so his life decays and decays until there is no life within him.

Pook hands you the chalice. Drink and pass the cup around. This water from the Fountain of Youth will wash away these errors, all those ‘frames’ your bitter memories eat at your mind. Drink to the girls that rejected you viciously. Drink to the ‘macho’ guys that beat you up in school. Drink to the chains of routines, errands, and appointments. Drink to your ambition, drink to your melancholy, drink to your loneliness. Drink to your heart’s content and pass the cup around. Your mind has now absorbed the blessed waters of the Fountain of Youth. You are now the light of the world! Your life is now young, fruitful, fun, easy, simple, and your body will reflect it as well.

The world is now your sandbox. Rejoice! Many people get swallowed up in their vanity, all believing themselves 'brilliant' and 'smart'. They follow their philosophies unquestioningly and their lives walk on the quicksand of melancholy. But... they see the new you and it smashes all their philosophies to bits. They ask each other, "How can he be so happy? How can he be so ALIVE? Let us study him and we will write articles and manifestos on him." But you know the truth. Their ambitions have consumed them while you look on life with youthful eyes...

...and live in a Child's Paradise.


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:09 pm 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2007 7:00 am
Posts: 1621
AOL: latergator83
Location: NE
It's important to realize that in order for us to become stronger, better human beings, it is necessary for us to undergo a cycle of rise and fall, success and failure in our lives.

Take weight training for example. Anyone vaguely familiar with the concept will tell you that when you lift your first dumbbell, the muscles in your arm strain and tear to perform the exercises you do with it. After your first workout, your muscles have that dull ache, and after your first night your arms and legs are so stiff you'd swear you did something wrong during your first day at weight training.

Well guess what, you did nothing wrong. In fact, it is perfectly normal for you to feel that way the following day. Your body is rewiring itself, growing newer, bigger, better muscle tissue in place of the old to strengthen your body. At the same time, it is also producing more nerve tissue to give you better control over your newfound strength. This means you will feel a little off, a little lousy at first, especially if you are new to weight training. But it is in fact making you stronger and turning you into a more physically capable human being.

As you get more experienced with working out with weights, you will realize that the entire concept of weight training revolves around cycles. Cycles of breakdown and regeneration, cycles of bulking and cutting, cycles in your diet and nutrition. Sometimes you strain yourself too hard and as a result you are sidelined for a few weeks, setting you back and dealing your ego a blow. Some days you just can't quiet muster up the strength to hit the weight room and so slack off, setting you back and dealing yet another blow to your ego. Eventually you get to a point where you train and train and don't see any results, in the weight room or in the mirror, and you wonder if you're ever going to get better. Bodybuilders call this phenomenon a "plateau", and the only way to bust through it is to redouble your efforts through persistence and discipline.

PUA is almost exactly like weight training. Ever stare at a bench press that weighs more than you do and feel intimidated by it? This is quite possibly the closest feeling you will get to staring at the most attractive, visually stunning woman in a venue without actually being there. Say you have to bring that barbell up and down eight times to complete a repetition. The first time you attempt this, you will likely fail. You might get two or three repetitions, but you're just not strong enough to get all eight. This is the same as approaching that super hot girl when you first start out in PUA. You may do a few things right, you might get a smile or a laugh, a number even, but you will probably not get a day 2 and probably not get a lay.

So you may feel an ache. Only not in your muscles, but in your head. Be glad, and learn to love this feeling. Because it is the same feeling as when you feel that dull ache in your muscles after working out. Your mind is rewiring itself to learn and grow from this experience, and the next time you go out you will be that much stronger, wiser in your game.

But just like weight training, you will hit a plateau at some point in your game. Maybe it's getting the number, maybe it's getting the kiss, or maybe it's getting the lay. This could frustrate you to no end, and drive you to abandon your pursuit of PUA in disgust. Indeed the "plateau" has driven many an amateur bodybuilder back to the beach to seek refuge and nurse his wounded pride in the sea of bloated, pot belly, middle aged men sipping beer and munching pretzels. But those who stick with it, those people who keep going back to the weight room, keep eating right, and keep getting the proper amount of rest and recuperation eventually rise above the plateau and progress to the next stage.

Likewise, the plateau or sticking point in PUA could drive you to lower your expectations and play the age old nonsense of "dating within your league". Don't give up, and don't trade down. When you do reach that sticking point on the road to becoming a better, more social, more sexually appealing human being, just remember that with persistence, discipline, and knowledge, you can make that ultimate success an ultimate reality.

_________________
afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:25 am 
Offline
Member of MPUA Forum

Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2008 9:24 am
Posts: 136
Yahoo Messenger: mbkb242yahoo.com
AOL: mbkb24@yahoo.com
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
LOL, that's funny.
And just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

See, it's shit like that that's driving this forum to the ground.
JA MON VERY PUSSY LIKE MA MON


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:01 pm 
Offline
MPUA Forum Enthusiast

Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:12 pm
Posts: 55
Thanks a lot for the article.

Really got to the core of the issue i'm facing. "Fear of success." Given me a new mission - to figure out why this is, and take steps to change.

And it's as simple as that, I guess. ;)


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 8:51 am 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2007 7:00 am
Posts: 1621
AOL: latergator83
Location: NE
It is. :)

------------------------

So, you're in a dance/exercise class full of girls. What to do, what to do...

here-vp150007.html#150007

_________________
afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:38 am 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 7:56 am
Posts: 2
Website: http://www.pheromone-attract.com
cool, great tips


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:17 am 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2007 7:00 am
Posts: 1621
AOL: latergator83
Location: NE
On accepting compliments:

here-vp151755.html#151755

_________________
afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 6:00 am 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2007 7:00 am
Posts: 1621
AOL: latergator83
Location: NE
I've been busy and have not updated this thread in awhile. These things happen. :)

Here is something I've put into words in another thread on the forum here-vp180817.html#180817 . I call it the 3-Step Method, and it has helped me resolve conflicts in my inner game.

3-Step Method

It's OK to have a bad day. It's OK to feel bad about certain things in your life. These feelings are a part of you, and they help you understand and rationalize all the unpredictable things that happen everyday of our lives. Do not reject or deny these emotions. If you do, you only deny a part of yourself. This is the first step.

The second step follows the first step: It's OK to feel good about certain things in your life. It's OK to reward yourself for your achievements and successes, however small or insignificant you deem them to be. Just as you would not deny that you felt bad about certain things in your life, you would not deny feeling GOOD about certain things in your life.

You should see, feel, and know that these two steps are one and the same. Yet they couldn't be more different in the ways they affect your outlook on life. We as human beings tend to relive our past experiences in our idle time, and sometimes dwell on a particular moment for days or months on end. You and I can't change human nature, but we can change what past experiences we draw upon in our everyday lives. Doesn't it just make sense to draw on the good feelings we have about our lives and achievements? Don't just assume it makes sense, ask yourself WHY it makes sense. There should be one reason that stands out from the others: write the reason down on paper to remind yourself.

The third step is very simple: when going out, sarging, visiting this forum, and living your life, CHOOSE to focus on the good feelings you've had. If you're about to enter into a new environment and do something new, think about all the good times you've had when you were in similar situations. If a negative memory manages to pop into your head, you won't reject it. Instead, you accept it, and balance it out with something good that came out of that experience. Remember, this is the third step, and in order to get here you've already taken the first two steps of accepting ALL of your feelings. You have made peace with yourself, you are much stronger, much more resilient now than before taking these three steps to better your life.

_________________
afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 7:54 am 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 6:48 am
Posts: 18
I used to have a similar problem and something managed to get me out of my social awkwardness. It's what I call the more than enough mentality.

Now I know some of you may think that knowing there are more fish in the sea is just not enough. Well have you really thought about that fact seriously? Really take a second to actually realize the truth.

It is that there are thousands upon thousands of girls out there. If you were in a mall and one girl rejects you, do you realize there is about 499 others who are there. Girls coming in and out constantly. And your worried about one. When there is hundreds of others to choose from.

Chances are, even if you completly suck, you can find one hottie out of the thousands who will go out with you. So try not to put too much thought on one rejection but rather think about the thousands of girls who are waiting for you.

This improved my inner game because now I open, DHV, and if she rejects me I can think to myself "Screw it". Because I really don't care. If you don't like me that gives me the freedom to talk to one of the other hundreds of girls out there just waiting for me.

So for anyone who has social fear, just think in terms of more than enough.


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 6:11 pm 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2007 7:00 am
Posts: 1621
AOL: latergator83
Location: NE
That's a good way to think about it coldreader. Have we met before?

On approach, the mindset of there being plenty of fish in the sea works great, it takes the pressure of acceptance away and lets you just be who you want to be in that moment. Once you establish rapport, it becomes harder---you and the girl have (hopefully) made a connection that goes deeper than the level of your normal, daily interactions. E.g. you have revealed a vulnerable side of yourself, and so has she. It is here where you must be truly comfortable with who you are in order to progress through the seduction. She's not just another girl anymore, she's someone you let into your world, and you hers.

Luckily, there's always the tried and true "drunken night of debauchery" approach.

_________________
afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 4:40 am 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 6:48 am
Posts: 18
Thanks and your absolutley right, after rapport there is a new stage in the game. But all I wanted to do was to get guys past their approach fear. With, as you put it, the more fish in the sea mentality, I believe many new PUA's can get past their approach anxiety and feel the freedom of the fact that they have options.

Something my dad always taught me was "Hey, if you mess up once, it's not the end of the world".

When I started out and got shot down once, I would quit for about a couple of weeks before trying again. I felt that I had no options. But now with my newly found mentality I can feel free and know that if I mess up, she is just one of a billion others.

I hope some other people are reading this too and understanding it. You get it because your going through it.

Newbies I hope you guys are paying attention to these posts.


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 8:30 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Enthusiast

Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2008 7:45 pm
Posts: 42
Roads.. incredible. I see myself in you when you first started. This thread has been incredibly insightful.

I also gather by the way you write and describe things, that you're pretty intelligent as well. You'll be a killer PUA, if you're not pretty much one already.


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 2:08 am 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2007 7:00 am
Posts: 1621
AOL: latergator83
Location: NE
Couple of threads that are very helpful, thanks to the advice within from Sean Messenger.

smiling-when-feeling-anxious-vt35759.html

how-to-get-the-idea-that-girls-arent-mo ... 34998.html

_________________
afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html


Top
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 7:01 am 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum
User avatar

Joined: Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:24 pm
Posts: 11
I wanted to create a new thread about AA but I have to thank you Roads for creating this one.

Just like you were 8 months ago I am right now, possibly even more nervous. I'll try the things you posted earlier in your thread about just meeting random strangers and approaching them. A few questions do come up and I hope you don't mind if I ask.

What can you tell me about keeping a good conversation flowing with a stranger? On my first day of sarging(yesterday) I did manage to open sets but I could only hold their attention for a maximum of 2 minutes and then I would eject right away with my nervousness at an all time high.


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 107 posts ] 

All times are UTC


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

Can we be honest?

We want your email address. Let me send you the best seduction techniques ever devised... because they are really good.
close-link