Okayyy so if you have been in the pua chat room im sure you have herad my story about soccer boy. If not, here is an update...

I was at the pool at my apartment complex and saw this guy playing soccer. At first, I was just wondering if he played volleyball, bc he looked athletic, bc i have been looking form someone to play with. So I went up to him and asked him and he said he did actually. Neither of us had our phone with us at the moment so we just said we would get it later. About 10 minutes later I was making phone calls by the pool and he walked up to me and sat by me and we talked for a while...I ended up getting his number since I was the only one that had a phone.

I texted him later with a cute and funny text, but had no response. So I called him the next day, he didnt pick up but called me an hour later saying that he was in miami for work and that is why he didnt have the chance to respond. We talked for a little...he said he would be back in a week. I called him monday (a day after he got back) and he was really flirtacious said he would call me to hang out when he got abck from golfing. Didnt call that night but texted me in the morning to say that he was sorry and was exhausted and passed out.

I texted something cute/funny back again with no response so i came to one of 2 conclusions: he wasnt interested or he was gaming me. On thursday (2 days later) i texted him "congratulations"...he said what for..."i was thinking of you, congratulations "...he immediately asked if i was free that night to hang out but i said i was busy.

Soo...tonight (friday) rolls around and he has been texting me since the AM. He was asking me where i was and what i was doing and if i want to hang out later. Anyway....we end up going to a few bars...his roommate came along and we all hang out at the first bar together for a while. I neg him a few times and do a little push pull. He responds with some IOI's by touching my leg. At the second bar, some of his fraternity brothers are there, so I dhv by charming them and his roommate and showing some attention to soccer boy only every now and then.

At the second bar, the touching escalated to more than arm contact but touching each others waists and so on. At the third bar he was asking me to feel his biceps (all in context to an inside joke). He was flexing for me obviously. I would show IOI by playing with his shirt, touching his biceps etc.... and he reciprocated by touching my arm and waste and playing with my shirt. We were very flirtacious and everything went smoothly. So when i got back this was the text convo which really pisses me off:

Me:
Him: What up!
Me: Oh you know, i was just thinkin
Him: ?
Me: Ahh I can't tell you now
Him: You should
Me Well it might be the booze talkin but I really like booze...umm i mean you
Him: That is extremely flattering, but you dont want to like me right now. Im kinda fresh out a relationship and have and have no interest in settling down. I'm kinda a jerk.
Me: Haha obv u dont know me i dont want a relationship i dont do long term things. Just thought it would be fair to tell u whats on my mind. Just thought u were someone cute and cool...and yeah i picked up on the jerk thing




So I havent heard back from him and I am wondering where I misread the signals. Or is this some bull s*** excuse?? There were obviousl IOI's and the only time when we werent talking is when we purposely ignored each other so that we appeared uninterested. I could tell he would try and get my interest when i was talking to other guys and said he would pay my cover and such if we ended up going to a certain bar that had a cover tonight. But we both sought each other out multiple times, there was much flirting, and a lot of touching. He bought almost every drink for me tonight and we seemed to hit it off well which leaves me to thing...what went wrong. At first, i thought maybe my text was too forward, but i figured if he was intersted it wouldnt have mattered anyway. I thought i read the signals correctly....maybe you guys could help me out...let me know what you think about all this? Should I keep pursuing it?[/list]

B, it could be active disinterest or false disinterest. False disinterest is meant to get you to work harder for his attention, when he is really into you to begin with. Active disinterest you can figure out for yourself...and to be honest it happens sometimes, when something just doesn't spark or click in the courtship.

On the other hand, it could have nothing to do with you. It could really be that he's fresh out of a relationship and just isn't ready to get back into the dating scene seriously.

Generally, if a guy is interested and he is not super duper shy, he will advance the courtship on his own time frame. You've played your hand, you've made your interest known. The ball is in his court, and it's up to him to make the next move. If he doesn't, don't take it personal...as you said, it's an 8-1 ratio down in DC so you'll have your pick of the litter yet.

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Haha it is a 10:1 ratio and it is amazingggg! lol He rsponded to my last text this morning with "haha nice. good to know. i passed out hard last nigt."

He showed obvious interestest to make up for the disinterest which i clearly saw as him trying to not be too needy and to get me to chase him. He is the very flirtacious type, but i feel that he showed interest in me in a different way than the other girls there. So if it is like he said, maybe he doesnt want a relationship now but flirted with me so that i was interested for whenever he changed his mind?

Thanks Roads

This is wierd I've never really talked about gaming guys... but here goes .

One obvious improvement would be your text game. It's cute and flirty and you did nothing wrong but it would get him super interested if you alternate between flirty and cold. So like one time be really chatty and send a long-ish text and then next time send a really short text which barely answers his previous text.

Even if what he says for excuses aren't true then he's certainly got other motives or just wants to make you chase him like you say. Put the ball in his court say something like 'you're right you probably need some time to your self... give me a call if you feel like hanging out, if not i'll talk to ya in a few weeks'.

Other than that its clear that he likes you so just be yourself.

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Show the world your Soul.

Thanks for the imput soul teen...actually my texting game was more cold and push pull when i started. i wrote a post on it in the "List of Text Message Games" But basically this is how it was...

When he didnt call me back after golfing and then texted me the next day about how he crashed, this is what i said:
"No worries...golfing and a free week's vacation in miami is tough stuff "

That was on tuesday then when i didnt hear from him in a while, I texted him on thursay...this is how it went:

Me: "Congratulations!!"
"haha for what?"
Me: "I was thinking of you...congratulations"
"haha are you free this afternoon? Im heading home from work now"
Me: "nahh im working til close"
"ahh most unfortunate"
Me: "yeah for you maybe"

and then he said something that i just didnt respond to so he sent another text...blah blah blah...but that is how my texting was before we went out last night. So I guess you are saying I should have kept it up? I guess it is good to know that either he isnt interested or he just isnt ready for a relationship...which ever it REALLY is. But yeah, this is why i didnt post my texting with him...because it makes the post soooo long! haha

Any bloke in a town with a 10:1 ratio is not going to let a girl pass by. Sounds like his flirting was lost in translation, that 'I'm a jerk' text was all about the classic 'we'd never get along' line. And you took it hard. I bet you when he got that text he gave out a hideous cackle of glee and went 'like PUTTY in my HANDS!!'

Seriously, 10:1? even in a 1:2 the guys aren't letting anything slip.

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It is only in your failures that you have any chance of success

Baby B, baby B!!!

This is why I avoid drunk texting and dialing. I think that you have displayed too much interest. Cool off on the texting him, and let him be the one to get a hold of you next time. He is making you chase him right now. Him not contacting you after golf, or during the week, is making you do all the work.

Sometimes I tend to see dating as a power struggle. By letting him know you like him he now has the power in the relationship. He has sent mixed messages to you, so that makes you are unsure where you stand with him.
He made you qualify yourself to him. At this point he knows you are into him and you are not looking for anything serious. He knows where he stands with you. He put it out there that he just got out of something serious. He warned you, so do not over-pursue or you may get hurt.

He has made you work for his attention. I say you do the same.... Do not completely ignore him, but be busy and setup when yall hang out. As an example, if he calls and says "Dinner @ 730 @ xxxx" you say, "Lets make it 800 @ yyyy" Take a little more control in the situation. Or throw him off by answering his text 2 hours later, just mix it up a bit. By doing this you are slowly taking back more power, and making him work harder for your attention. He needs to know your a busy woman of high value...

Be good girlie!
CK

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success is my only mother fucking option, failure is not.

I'd agree 100% with Chino if the roles were reversed and our OP was a guy. And yeah, I can see that the soccer boy is framing this relationship the way he sees fit but there's something damn hot about a girl who goes after what she wants.

What do all the "other" girls do in this instance? They usually shut down and mope around. What do most girls do to engage conversation? They stand around. What's their approach? They flip their hair. What's their routine? "Ha ha ha . . . you're so funny!"

Now when I see a woman break out of this little shell and goes after A MAN in that positive, funny way, and is willing to take that "social risk", it's a total turn-on. She stands from the crowd. It's a total boner inducer.

Still . . . it probably wouldn't hurt to play a little cat string with the guy! Wait minute . . . maybe I do agree with Chino 100% Hey, good call!

Everbody who posted is right.
Bonita you're working too hard you practically fell in his lap
maybe he's got oneitis for his ex or you're making it too easy for him or he's got to be gay to turn down a fine piece of woman

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If you are going to play hard to get, don't lay it on so much as a guy would. Just enough to get him talking to you regularly. If a girl plays to hard to get they blow guys out. (Non-PUAs)

I have an intuition that it has to do with his ex. imo guys take longer to get over relationships (or, they're more transparent about how they are feeling).

Gee, go-getter? You're definitely my type of woman...Love it!

Anyway, he is slow to move, which is typical of the male species. Think, "half-asleep lion". He opens one eye, looks, closes it again and dozes off. He may take you up on it soon enough.

Sometimes a girl expressing her interest directly in a guy can short-circuit him, as it does me sometimes (catches off guard). Overt interest sometimes can be scary, because it implies that I have something she wants, when it is not necessarily vice-versa or not matched to the same extent.

Good thing is though, guys don't generally develop this LJBF notion over time, it's always instantaneous (or if you blow yourself out by being stupid and making him lose respect).

Oh, and finally - about playing too much of this 'taking control' thing? I had a girl once, quality quality chick, such a great personality, awesome person, but she gamed far too much!!! Changing plans etc, lying, manipulating, all for nothing really. Fucking turned me off so i dropped the bitch lol.

Sounds great though, good luck with it!