Disappointment. A way to make a strong connection.



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PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:12 pm 
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Hey guys, i have been thinking about PUA in the theory stage the last few days and am slowly starting to expolore (what i think is, i have never read them anywhere myself) origonal ideas. I may do some more posts as i think about some new things but to start off, i have written a short bit on how i feel showing disappointment is very powerful.

Disappointment. A way to make a strong connection.

Now, as a PUA you will want to normally be creating high levels of fun, excitement and attraction. Positive emotions. However, how many of you have experimented with the power of disappointment? Not many I would imagine and neither did I until recently.
Firstly we need to understand why we use positive emotions when we are gaming. Its because when you are made to feel good because of the actions of a another, you generally like that person and feel a bond with that person. It’s all good, if done correctly this feeling of attraction because of “feel good” pull will cause a successful pick up. However, there is a serious danger of being put into a friend’s zone when u makes a person feel good. This is, in my humble opinion, because the target is already getting something out of your non-sexual relationship that is very valuable to them. Good feelings. By engaging in a sexual relationship they risk losing that connection and therefore losing the good feelings you create in them.
The important thing to remember is positive emotions are only half the side of being emotive. Negative emotions have a strong (if not stronger) affect on people. The downside is if negative emotions are associated with you, people tend not to want to be around you because you make them feel bad. So how do negative emotions help us? Firstly, you have to believe me when I say women want a man. A real man. An alpha male as many of you put it. What you have to realise is that to be an alpha you have to be a leader, a leader will make the group work better and gain respect. Most of you have that down to an art, the “feel good”. The thing is, a leader and alpha will also be just as quick to voice when they are displeased. You are the leader of a group, you must make sure your group do what you want them to. Do u want them to do things that displease you? NO!
So what has this got to do with disappointment? Think back to when u were a child, remember when your parents got angry with you. It was shit wasn’t it, you would get grounded or something and be all angry and sad. Now I want you to remember a time when they said they were disappointed in you. How did you feel? You didn’t get punished, u felt bad and felt a need to gain back the good feelings so you feel better. This same principle works with people, targets and just in life.

I have been experimenting with the affect disappointment has on people. When a girl flakes, or does something I don’t want I don’t like it. I tell them I am disappointed in them and just go. Dont get into an argument that does nothing. They need to know they did wrong and because of that you are perfectly happy to walk away. It will soak in, they will realise what they did made u unhappy and as a result you took away the good feelings you create within them. They will then want to get it back and will do everything in their power to get it back.
The other important reasons to display negative emotions are because it sets boundaries. People naturally push as far as they can to see what they can get away with. We do it from birth. Which draws can we open before mum picks us up, which bottles can we play with before we get shouted at. How high can I go on the swing before dad tells me it’s too high. It goes on like this and affects relationships in adult life. Disappointment is in my opinion the best to use in these situations because it is NOT an obvious emotional response. Anger and sadness show the person that you are affected by their action, that gives them power over you. However, disappointment shows that all their actions did was to change your opinion of them. They become worse off for doing it.

Feel free to discuss this further, your opinion on it. I believe it can be done at both the first meeting to the day you break up. It will have most affect however once comfort has been build and you have become a part of their life, their enjoyment.

Madals
P.s, This may be the only one posted in the main forum, the others might go into the PMZ.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:33 pm 
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I dont know what i was describing :) but if i described something, go me 8) :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:36 pm 
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That does create powerful leverage within her to want to make you happy in the future and not dissappoint you again, but in order for that to work, she must already be strongly hooked, this isn't something you can do right off the bat, or without strong attraction and preferably a lot of sexual tension, but not too much comfort, or she'll just take it as you being a dick and not try to appease you.

The risk, is that if you do this more than once in a very very very very very rare while, you end up having those negative feelings associated with you. It's like if you wanted a girl to call you and after a week she finally did and the first thing you say is, "Wow, I can't believe you finally called!" or something that makes her feel bad for not having called you sooner. What happens, is that now instead of feeling glad she called you, she feels bad because of it and in the future will be afraid that if she calls you, she will be made to feel bad again. Negative re-enforcement, instead of positive, can actually drive a wedge between you. If you only do it perhaps once and then not again for at least several months, but don't make a habit of doing it every few months, then it will create powerful leverage on those very rare occassions.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:48 pm 
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Personally i think it should be done at the first sign of her taking you for granted. Even as early as a day two, it only really needs to be done once. Its a near compleate take away of the positives and after a few mins u can start to warm up again.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:46 pm 
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Quote:
I think what your describing falls under the "willingness to emote" attraction switch. But you described the difference between how an alpha deals with something as opposed to a beta male.
HAHA! First thing I thought of while half way through the thread.

But I have to agree, it's an attraction switch, plus it shows you hold the power regarding your sex/love life (another turn on) and the fact that you make her feel more emotions than just happy/excited creates huge sexual tension and emotional rapport.

Good shout madals!


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 7:14 pm 
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I like it. But I agree that you cant just go off and do it eeverytime she does something you dont like.

Then shell be like: who gives a fuck? your always dissapointed and your not my dad. no pussy for you! (last part will not be said. but you know.)

Unless you guys love angry sex! BAM!


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 Post subject: Can work
PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 11:20 am 
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To me this is simply establishing your frame. If you frame yourself as superior alpha male then its not just a line, you ARE disappointed in their behaviour. If they had behaved themselves they might have been fortunate enough to be able to blow you. If they had been very, very good then you'd reward them with a shag. Frankly with the way they are going about things, you dont even think you'd give them your number. I like the frame, it makes other stuff fall about naturally.


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