OMG---2 set yesterday, man and woman, went in, no AA no fear, instantly comfortable like I've known them forever, and they sensed this. Was in the set in an instant, getting laughs, they were carrying on the convo when I let it die down a little. Perfect strangers...didn't know this was possible til now.

After that I went into another 2 set, guy and girl a bit younger, again minimal anxiety, was looking to get some beer and the guy in the set offered to let me buy some straight from his cooler (all the liquor stores were closed by then). Wow.

Seriously, that was the most relaxed and at ease I've been in a long long time. YES!!!

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Good advice on getting started, from another forum member's perspective.
Original thread:

here-vp107155.html#107155

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Look at it this way:

Life is a stopwatch. Some people see it as counting up, others see it counting down.

I see it counting down.

We are much more appreciative of anything that is visibly finite in quantity. Realize that every day that passes is a day that will not come again. You have a limited number of days to do the things you've always wanted to do.

Make each day count in some way, and realize it is counting down.

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Wow this is really an inspiring and motivating topic. Especially since you go on and learn despite any anxiety and problems that you have to face.

Now i noticed that you like me have to work in the midweeks. Personally I find it difficult because of that to practice in the midweek. When I get home most stores close, people are kinda busy etc. And i''d like to keep the momentum going besides as you say, time is counting down.
I also have trouble opening and getting into convo with strangers. Most of them are kinda busy and usually i don't really know an opener which might lead to a continoud convo. Now I do open people anyway with what pops up in my mind but then I don't know what to say next and there is this awkward silence.

Perhaps you have some hints on what i could do. Since you seem to be progressing quite well.

BTW on another subject: Recently i had this thought on another method to combat AA. Unfortunately i can't yet open a topic in most forums (need 30 posts) and i dont want to hijack your topic, but just before i forget about it here it is:
When you want to approach a cute girl (or HB) instead of focusing on what to do to make here attracted to you or whatever focus on testing her. Really get in this state of mind of testing whether she is the kind of woman you are searching for. She might look real good and interesting, but until you approach her you don't know anything about her. She might be the most boring person on the planet. Personally I would not want to be around someone like that no matter how good looking...
So for instance you might have this really weird opener to try out for the first time. Of course this gives you anxiety as you don't know if it will work and if it will make you look weird. Which might again show in your body language when you do the opener. If however you go up to the woman thinking 'lets see if she is fun and witty enough to react cool to this weird opener' you're too focused on testing her to get much anxiety. Of course she might not react all to positive but that can be okay too as long as she demonstrates being a fun intelligent etc person in the convo.
Now I have not tested this myself, but i think this would work. And especially when you are interested in a relationship or having cool female friends testing how she is would just be a realistic thing to do.

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About the name Xenu:
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007 ... ogy-p1.php

I've had my ups and downs in this area and you may too. Go ahead and try out The Doctor's mall sarge exercise---you should PM him if you want the original. That will get you used to talking to strangers in the first place. I'd recommend doing only this for an entire week.

Then, try out the large set exercise I outlined a few posts ago. This will help you stay in conversations. Remember, as long as there is a plausible bridge between what you are saying and what you will say next, people in general welcome it in the conversation.

Once you get further along, you can implement multiple threading in your conversations, which allows you to open multiple topics of discussion based on feedback from the people you are talking to.

So for now, do this:

1) Approach a stranger in a mall or supermarket. If girls are too intimidating then try a guy or old person.
2) Ask if the store has an item you are looking for.
3) 99% of the time they will think and either tell you where or say "sorry, I'm not really sure".
4) Regardless of the response, go ahead and comment on the venue at that moment: "Is it always this busy/quiet here at this time of day?"
5) They will respond and usually give you something to go on. It is important that you carry on the conversation based on something they say here, otherwise you'll just be randomly asking people a random series of questions, which could lead to awkward silence and boredom after they answer them.

Realize at this stage that it is not important how they react, what is important is getting comfortable with talking and interacting with people on a regular basis.

There you are Xenu. Remember, every person you talk to equals 50 posts you read, so get out there and start talking.

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Thanks dude. Thanks alot. I'll try that out.

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About the name Xenu:
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007 ... ogy-p1.php

1000 posts and some 6 months later:

I'm better.

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Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes.

All through my life, I was indoctrinated to the idea that failure is not an option. While this has helped me excel in some areas of my life, it has held me back in others.

When trying out new things and meeting new people, it is inevitable that we fail. What matters is how we act after the failure. Will we pick ourselves up off the canvas and go another round with whatever floored us, or will we curl up into a fetal position and crawl into a corner? The former makes us stronger and ensures that we learn from our experiences in life, while the latter weakens and destroys the spirit of life that burns in all of us.

Sometimes, when I look back on all of the cruel and selfish things I've done in my life, to both myself and to others, I feel a sense of shame and regret. I played on the emotions of others to obtain that which I desire, and karma in turn paid me back thrice-fold. I feared failure in my dealings with people---men, women, girls, friends, family---so I never took the leap of faith required for me to commit to any serious relationships. I would always find ways to sabotage myself and others when we begin to form the deeper emotional bonds required in genuine friendships and relationships. I need to forgive myself for this failing if I am to progress any further in my journey.

It is the fool who never makes mistakes, for he is too arrogant or fearful to take on worthy challenges in his life. Forgive yourself for all the wrongs you've done in your life, and from this day forth when you do make mistakes make them spectacular ones worthy of remembrance twenty, thirty, forty years from now.

I will learn to forgive myself for my mistakes.

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Make the girl blush first. Blushing is a subconscious human behavior that is triggered when people feel embarrassed or attracted to another person. When gaming girls, you are exciting portions of her mind just outside of her conscious awareness. Thus, making her blush within the first five minutes of the interaction sets an incredibly powerful precedent for all subsequent actions.

So how do you do it? How do you make pretty girls blush?

1) Follow the three second rule. See her, approach her. It's that simple.

2) Eye contact. Your eyes should be locked on hers as you deliver your opener. Imagine there is an invisible bridge of light connecting you two via eye contact. Do NOT allow yourself to break that bridge first! She MUST look away first, if not you KEEP holding it and eventually she will surrender. All women know this both consciously and subconsciously...she is merely testing your resolve when she looks into you. She may be thinking what big beautiful eyes you have, but her feelings are telling her about your potential as a mate. So maintain eye contact with a slight hint of a smile, because you are enjoying the experience and are not afraid of her physical beauty.

3) Body language. Should be open. Shoulders back and out, relaxed, hands out of your pockets, 60/40 weight distribution on your back/front legs. Relax, have a smile going about 60-70% of the time. Gesture with your hands to emphasize your points.

4) Kinostetics or kino. Touch her for god's sake! Emphasize your points by gesturing and touching her on the arm. Don't even think about it. Naturals do this instinctively and know when to touch, so they don't think about it. In fact you should manufacture reasons for you and the girl to touch. Play a game, slap high five, etc. It's extremely important to establish with her that you are a touchy feely, and that it's just who you are. Besides, touching feels good, scientific studies show elevated endorphin levels in people who touch and give hugs regularly versus those who don't. So do it for your health, and for fun!

If you do this, there is a very good chance of making her blush. This, among other things, injects a sexual frame into the conversation for her without any work on your part. Neg her for it or ignore it, but do transition to rapport and comfort with her. She will feel uncomfortable but excited, and while this is a desirable state for her initially---you snapped her out of her daily routine---she will not want to stay in that state the entire time so you must reward her compliance with comfort.

Go get em tiger!

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"Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And so we ask ourselves: will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?"

-Odysseus

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Hmm, I just figured out what the whole problem is. By all those times of neglecting to open up to strangers with the argument they will blow you off makes you believe people will blow you off so easly and wont atleast be happy you were spontanious. I mean, how many times were you approached by a stranger who had a short oneliner or something like that, that even if it was cheesy gave you a good feeling... Like the old man on the bus, or some fat lady.

Girls prolly respond nicer to things like that since they are socially more open! So place your focus on not only on how you present yourself but also on the positive reaction that u get back when you make someone happy... Just focus your positive energy on the person. And keep doing this. if the person reacts nice it will motivate you. If not and you did the right opening just walk away. Staying in the set is just a way to get the conversation going till the point the person starts giving enough feedback. If you cant imrovise that well just write a script about the subject you will end up talking bout. Enough questions and statements to get this going:D

Thanks Hobbit. It still comes back sometimes, but I have snapped out of my previous funk. Would not have thought that possible a few years ago.

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afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

viewtopic.php?p=130933#130933]Here's a thread I made on nervous energy.

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afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

here-vp132051.html#132051 About accepting yourself.

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An update: I am more comfortable than ever talking in sets and being the center of attention. I told a girl I was flirting with that "I'm actually really shy" and she thought I was trying to be funny. It's a great feeling to not be fearful of interacting with anyone you come across, to blast through the social barriers that prevent you from getting to know people, while at the same time retaining that excitement and nervous spark between you and your targets.

I met a guy who had the same cellphone as me. The way he acted, the way he talked, the way his body language spoke to the room...it reminded me of me eight months ago, when I was just beginning to transform myself. He's got some of the preliminary outer game principles down, but as we talked I found out that he's the still the "nice guy" who pretty girls call for a ride back to the dorms and want to be friends with, but who never gets any ass. The guy is shorter than me and kind of scrawny. We're going to have to work on that, maybe get him to join my gym.

Yeah, I want to help him, I guess it's my way of giving back to the world. Don't tell anyone though, for as you all know, no good deed ever goes unpunished.

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