I met this woman on a dating website and we met up for coffee on our first date. The date lasted over 4 hours and it ended with us making out next to her car, before she left. We texted for a little bit afterwards and we set up dinner plans for Friday. It’s worth mentioning that I ran some decent game on her; I teased her a lot and was playfully mean to her and she responded really well to it. She’s also very attractive and has an amazing body, and she’s in a psychology Ph.D. program.

On Friday, she couldn’t make dinner and asked me if I could have dinner on Sunday and also texted “Alternative if you want to see me today: you can come over later and hang out with me for a little bit. Sorry my girlfriends wanted to get dinner to celebrate the end of the quarter so I got roped in”. I told her I could come over at 10-11pm because I had to fill up my gas tank and eat dinner and she responded with “Mmm that might be too late. I don't want to send the wrong message”. I told her that we could just meet on Sunday. We texted after I had dinner and at one point, she said “You're still a jerk though. If you were nicer to me I would consider tipsy texting you to come over tomorrow night when I get home” (she was going to a wedding on Saturday and she told me she’d be drinking that night).

Here’s the text conversation we had on Saturday, before she got angry with me and cut off contact:

Her: Maybe I just haven't been out with that many gentleman
Her: You are totally refusing to objectify me
Me: Hahahaha, you're almost saying it like it's a bad thing
Her: Haha it almost is
Me: Uh oh! What's your type, usually?
Her: I don't really have a physical type. Other than tall.
Me: What about personality-wise?
Her: Mmmm I don't know I guess smart, sarcastic
Her: Usually they're pretty physical too so I guess you break type there
Me: Haha yeah totally
Me: I tread carefully on the first date or two bc i don't know how any specific woman will respond to me getting touchy. I mean after the first kiss i become more physically affectionate but i'm guessing you might still think i'm not as touchy as other guys
Her: Well I guess we'll see
Her: Although it's a good sign that you're pro cuddling
Me: I don't know if i'm emasculating myself by saying this, but I'm pro hand-holding as well, but i rarely see couples hold hands
Her: You're already so emasculated what's one more thing
Her: Also isn't this too late for you?
Me: Haha whoaaaaa are you always this aggressive when you drink?
Her: Sorry!
Me: If i'm not working the next day, staying up later isn't as big of a deal, but i'm starting to get drowsy
Her: Am I being aggressive?
Me: In general, since you've been tipsy, you've been slightly aggressive, but those 2 texts were reaaaally aggressive
Her: Oh sorry.
Me: Is it the alcohol?
Me: Btw this is why i like to avoid first dates with alcohol
Her: Sure yeah. I think I'm out for tomorrow night.
Me: What does out mean
Her: Like I'm thinking it's not a good idea. If you feel like I'm being aggressive I certainly don't mean or want to come off that way.

4 days later, I texted her “Hey, I just want to apologize for the way i acted last saturday. If you don't want to talk again, just let me know and i'll stop texting you. I'd still like to see you again though- i always have lots of fun talking to you and i think we had great chemistry on our date”. She responded with “No worries I just didn’t really like being called aggressive. I’m headed out of town tonight for about 10 days but maybe we can get to together when I get back.”. We sent a few texts to each other while she was on vacation, but when she got back, she stopped responding to my texts.

Why would she cancel a date just because I said she was being aggressive? Is it really that big of a deal to women to be called aggressive? Or was that not the issue?

Why did she stop responding to my texts after it seemed like she forgave me and wanted to see me again?

Also, when she invited me over to her place, was she subtly trying to have sex with me but was worried that she’d come off as slutty if she was more obvious about it?

Jesus christ.




Nice recovery. Imagine if you had set the sate at 9pm at a local bar, had a couple drinks, then 45 minutes later walked her to her car. You'd be having sex with her every week (or more) instead of asking "what happened?".


Straight up sex invite.

LOL! She's backtracking now because you decided to go out to dinner with platonic friends instead of have hot sex with her. It's her anti-slut defense mechanism.



Another straight up sex invite.


Do you have a penis?

Why are you having text conversations with her instead of hanging out at her place?


Cringe worthy.

Translation: DO YOU HAVE A DICK? WE ARE ADULTS. WOMEN LIKE SEX TOO. STOP WASTING MY TIME.
Wow this is fucking boring. This girl wants you over to have sex, and you're having Twenty Questions with her?

Translation: You are a wimp, and a time waster.

Translation: I don't do well with women, so instead of being a good lover, I like to text them banal shit.
I am a classic nice guy!
Oh my god.
Yes! fucking awesome reply. YOU are acting emasculated.

LOL!

holy fuck you are completely unaware and un-centered here. What is the apology for?

Yap yap yap yap! you like your phone more than you like sex!
WTF?
dude. With all due respect my friend...this post is a classic, text-book example of cock-blocking yourself with non-masculine, male butler-nice guy behavior.

That wasn't why.

I often preach on this forum about how socially valuable (IE, not obese or chunky) women know what they want, know their value, and just go for it. This woman was begging for you to act like a dominant male and lead. Instead, you wanted to be her emasculated text friend. Women like this want you to respect YOUR time, and theirs.

She gave you chance after chance to act like a man.

You did not.

Your weak behavior infers to experienced, socially valuable women that you will dither, hesitate, and fail to be dominant in bed, too. So she moved on.

This post is not meant to be insulting. It is meant to snap you out of the Nice Guy Coma you're in.

Edit: Go read R.C.'s "How to Keep Your Girlfriend" post, and apply it to early seduction, too.

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Yeah, way too many blah blah texts exchanged where you talked yourself out of a shag.

I have made this mistake in the past and have learnt to use texts to arrange meetups, check in every few days or light humour only. Rarely go too deep cos so much can be missed/misinterpreted. More damage than good seem to come from these lengthy text exchanges after that initial get together.

You also double dipped when calling her aggressive. She apologized and you carried on whining.

I would have also been on that booty call to seal the deal.

Onto the next one.

You were trying too hard to "game her" that you didn't back off and go get laid.

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These hos ain't loyal

Yep.

Most guys need to understand that you build rapport in-person, through positive emotions and good sex. You talk in person. You romance a woman in person. Texting is a tool to arrange meet ups, and then for sexual flirtation.

Busy guys do not have time to fucking text all day and "check in" constantly. It's pathetic behavior.

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this, this, and this

I disagree with the amount of texting is the problem. The problem was the communication in the text was terrible. You spent too much time trying to say stuff to get her to respond the way you wanted her to respond. Sort of like pickup routines when approaching can lead to your downfall if she doesn't respond the way that you expect/want her to respond. In the example provided, there is nothing engaging that maintains any type of attractive quality that may have been initially created. IMO, her saying that she thought you were saying that she was aggressive was nicer than her saying that she thinks that you're boring.

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Yeah...I'd add that over and over she is hinting that you're too passive and when you called her aggressive it probably was her thinking "this guy cant even handle THIS?!" Reading those messages, there's not male to female communication Just reading this, I get the impression you probably would've done nothing with her in person.

Thanks for all the responses. It makes a lot more sense now.

Why do you think she cut off contact with me after getting back from her vacation? We sent a few messages back and forth while she was gone and she brought up meeting up again. She was attracted to me enough that she invited me over for sex, and it wasn’t until the text conversation where I called her aggressive that she lost interest.

Also, is this a lost cause, or should I attempt to contact her again in the distant future (and if so, how would I do that)?

She sounded pissed that you called her aggressive - if she is going to feel that way over something so trivial then why would you want to be with her anyway ? As for apologising - I think if I was in the same position as you then I woudn't have apologised - its like self admittance to doing something wrong, which you didn't and also makes it look like you are desperate to be with her. She now knows that she is in control of the situation - by cracking the shits she knows that you will give her attention.

Is their hope in saving this ? Well yes but only very little. You could try making contact again at random when she doesn't expect it but no more kissing her ass texts - and if she accepts then its good but if not don't worry about it and move on.

Also don't forget that you met her online - women who go on line go on multiple dates therefore it may just be that she is busy with someone else or going on many dates and seeing a few people.

She didn't sound pissed. More like frustrated.

Jack and Neo are right OP. She was throwing you all kinds of hints.

I don't understand why got so heavy and draining all of a sudden. This girl was being enticing. Not aggressive.

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There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Well, you spoke for 4 hours and she expected to have sex. Simple as that.

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Does it?
Why don't you read the advice that was given to you? The question in bold font was already explained in precise detail.

Yes, she was attracted enough to invite you over for sex. But like 95% of guys, you talked her out of it.

Hey, XXX. Netflix at my place, tonight at 9.

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