I am in dire need of a help with a girl that I'm in love with and have been in love with for a year now. Some background, her and I are really good friends and originally she had a boyfriend who treated her really badly and they separated half a year ago. She still hopes that one day he will change and they will get back together, although she has never openly admitted it. I know she has some feelings for me, but she has told me herself that she sees me as a friend and right now she's jot ready to be in a relationship with anyone. This girl is 10/10 beautiful so she has men pursue her daily and I only have one week with her. I know if I leave without making her see me in a romantic light as he will either go back to her ex or end up with someone else. I realize now I've been trying to win her love with niceness, but it really doesn't work. So what do I do! I am madly in love with this girl.

One good thing is that I have the support of her friends and family, but they all focus on the nice part too. I've tried to get help from them, but their advice is always just to keep being nice.

To the person who asked me why she would want to be with me.

Why? Because I'm attractive, I'm ambitious, I have money, I'm sincere. I'm well mannered and treat people well. Right now her life isn't stable and I can offer her stability and a partner for life. My main issue with pursuing her is I have no idea how to flirt and create sexual tension. Two times in the past month she was talking with me about going on a private trip with me, but then she panics and realizes that at that point she can never go back to her ex. So I need to get her to not cate about what her ex would think and to focus on me.

So what? You're basically saying that you want this girl so badly that you are willing to let her use you. Have some pride man.

This girl had a boyfriend that she is still hoping comes back. If she has been broken up with him for 6 months and is specifically wanting and waiting for him, the boyfriend is likely in the picture still and it is unlikely that he is going anywhere.

If you want your chance with her, go log into one of those travel sites and make some reservations for the weekend trip that you guys talked about. Let her know that you have it scheduled and you're leaving on whatever date you pick. If she says no, cancel the reservations (or go by yourself and have fun) and find someone that wants to give you the kind of relationship that you want and end this oneitus.

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Booking a trip and inviting her is not a bad idea. You are mistaken about her walking over me though, I don't put myself in a situation to be walked on and she's not the kind of girl to do that. Her ex she does not talk to, that is a fact that I save verified. She wants to forget him by can't, thus why I say it's obvious she is hoping in the future he will have changed. My only issue is I can't flirt and I have only been testing her as a friend. So I need help on flirting and how to go in for the first kiss.

Fair enough about the boyfriend being gone. Still...why would you say that you can offer her stability to her unstable life? It's like you're saying you can be her hero/savior. It's a bad mentality to even look at things that way. It is more likely that she will add instability to your life.

I think the best thing for us to help you from this point is what is your relationship with her like now? How often do you hang out with her? What do you guys do when you hang out? Do you guys have alone time together? Is there any sense of intimacy between you two?

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My relationship is as really good friends. We talk daily usually and she is always sending me pictures of what she's doing and we talk to each other about everything. We love far away from each other, so right now we are in the same place so I basically have one week to make her see me as something more than a friend. Her ex also lives far away. Right now I'm trying to hang out with her every day since I have limited time. When we hang out we go for walks, go to dinner, etc. I need to do something fun with her though, but I'm really bad at that stuff. We can get alone time with each other, but haven't yet (always in public). I think there is a sense of intimacy, I've just been blowing it by always being a friend.

You have to take some risks now. Treat her like she's your girlfriend. Grab her hand when you walk. Put your arm around her. Pull her in for a hug when you see her or do it out of the blue. If she is receptive to those type of things, kiss her.

Don't let her talk about her ex. If she brings it up, tell her that you don't want to talk about him.

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This story doesn't add up. So what, you're long distance friends? You're in love with someone you have a virtual, platonic relationship with?

Even if it's not virtual, you've tried to nice yourself into her pants. Like JZ said, you see yourself as what? her knight in shinning armor? You and literally 90% of other guys out there.

I'm sorry, I know this isn't the advice you want to hear but you and this girl are not happening. You've already branded yourself as a friend to her. And you've been complacent in that role because you'd rather have her as a friend than not have her at all. You can't make up for all that in 1 week.

However if you really want a last ditch effort, go with Jacks' advice and get that trip booked. If she accepts, great. If not, either way you'll have your answer.

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Thank you for the advice, I utilises it and it actually worked! The situation is on much better and now she's inviting me out and trying to get me to do things with her. I thought it may be too forward to treat her like a gf, but it worked!

To tell you the truth, I thought there would be a very slim chance that this would work for the same reason R.C. explained about branding yourself as a friend. I was more about helping you get your intentions known and if she rejected you then it would get it out of your system. Women don't usually upgrade you from friendship status to romantic interest status, so you were probably right when saying she already had feelings for you. I'm glad it worked out for you...good luck.

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Of course she had "some feeling" toward you. Its the feeling you have toward a friend. The same feeling I have toward my guy friends. Its nothing more than that.

And ironically enough, it is always these girls - the ones guys speak of like this who are never interested in them. What is it about pedestaling a girl and deeming her to be perfect despite her self esteem issues that prevent her from leaving some guy that treats her like shit that turns them off? Hm.

You're unrealistic OP. She would never be able to live up to the exceptions you have from her so she could never date you because the pressure you'll put on her to be "perfect" would make her uncomfortable. That along with the fact that you displaying no behavior whats so ever that makes you attractive in her eyes. If she's attracted to the guy that treats her like shit, what do you think you would have to do to attract her? Buy her flowers or show some resemblance of the guy that she's chasing around and can't get over?

You guys allow your feelings to turn your brain off sometimes. If I see a man putting worm on a bait to catch fish, I'm not going to go say " Worms are yucky. I'm going to put Kale on a hook and fish with kale because its way more healthy for them". He'll catch all the fish and I'll be look like an idiot because I wasted all of my good kale on fish that could only appreciate worms.

I personally would never take a girl serious who recently let some guy trash her,. It just doesn't add up to me. Imagine getting with a girl that had 14 one night stands in a row just last week and then decided she was going to make you wait until marriage to sleep with her. Thats what it is to me.

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