I need a male perspective on this and sorry in advance for the long story.

This boyfriend was my first love, we were together for 5 years I thought we would be together forever and he totally blindsided me and broke my heart when he left me for another girl. That was 3 years ago.

After 2 years of no-contact, he broke up with his new gf and I considered myself over him enough to start talking to him again. He was my best friend for 7 years so I wanted that part of him back in my life. We have fantastic platonic 'chemistry' I guess you'd call it? We can always be honest with each other and have heaps of fun together talking shit and watching crappy movies.

I knew I wasn't completely over him yet because I had the urge to kiss him every time I was drunk. However, I really felt like he was 100% over me - he had already had a two year relationship in the meantime and always would tell me all about his new crush in detail. I even let him invite her to my house parties (where they sometimes made out) thinking it would help me move on. But I always had that nostalgic feeling about our past and that nagging urge to fall into his arms.

We had a great friendship until he hurt me again by sleeping with an ex-best girlfriend of mine that I had a huge falling out with her. (She promised to ruin my life, lost me a few friends). My ex-bf comforted me through the fight and knew all about the crazy shit this girl did to me. I later found out that they were hanging out and had slept together because the girl bragged about her 'achievement' to a mutual friend. No doubt she did it to hurt me because she absolutely hated my ex-bf before the falling out.

After sending a few very drunk very angry texts to him, I went back to no-contact for about 2 months. I was spammed with apologetic and verrry dramatic messages about how he was so so sorry, I was his best friend and he couldn't bear losing me again, etc... I decided to be honest with myself - the reason I was feeling so hurt wasn't because of the ex-friend's spitefulness, but because she had so easily taken what I had wanted for so long. It's strange but that was the tipping point where I decided to make a move and so 2 weeks ago I invited him over. It felt empowering being on a mission and angry sex is fun after all. After hearing the apologies in person then flirting the whole night, I eventually kissed him and sealed the deal.

Then things got weird.
He was super emotional during the act, it was clear this wasn't just a casual fuck for him. I figured it was because we had just reconciled a friendship he thought was lost, so I paid it no mind.

I however, was not as emotional as I though I would be.
I don't know what it was. Perhaps finally tasting that forbidden fruit removes the appeal? Maybe finally feeling like the one with the power? Fucking again kind of gave me closure - I felt completely over our past relationship at that point, which would have been fantastic if he didn't act the way he acted next.

He reverted back to the role of boyfriend almost immediately. Little kisses every where and constant touching when we're hanging out. Messages of 'i miss you' out of no where. Also, sorry for tooting my own horn, but I consider myself to be pretty good at sex. I feel self conscious about my body so I put in a lot of effort when I sleep with someone. I haven't actually slept with that many different guys but the ones I have usually mention it was the best they've had. I'm not just saying this to brag - I really feel like our first 'reconciliation' went so well that he has confused pleasure for feelings of love. Or confused my effort/passion for feelings on my behalf.
Now he says porn doesn't do anything for him anymore since we slept together and all he thinks of is me. I catch him watching me lovingly when I'm doing random things next to him. He tells me (and his friends?) how unbearable it's going to be to not see me for a couple of weeks. I really feel like he wants to tell me he loves me every time he looks at me but he has never said anything explicitly.

I really wish I had the same feelings because I'm really happy that we're close again and like sleeping with him. I try to lighten the mood every time we have sex by cracking jokes and telling him not to get obsessed with me, but it hasn't changed his behavior. I don't think I've sent out any confusing signals these past couple of weeks - I don't initiate cuddling or kissing, I don't try to burden him with my problems or talk to him about anything 'deep' or emotional, I don't tell him I miss him back.
I'm scared he is taking our sexual relationship to mean that we're automatically 'back together'.

Am I overreacting to this? Do I need to do anything?
How can I talk to him about this without him explicitly admitting feelings yet?
I don't want to go into the conversation saying 'I think you have feelings for me' and be wrong, but I don't ignore it and give the wrong impression that we're together.
Do you suggest not sleeping with again/no contact to let him calm down? Or would that just make him want me even more?

I don't want to ruin this. I really think that I could develop feelings again down the track because we are still so compatible. The difference is that I will have to develop new feelings from scratch whereas I think he's dug up his old feelings from our 5 year relationship.

TL;DR: I still had feelings for an ex-bf who dumped me 3 years ago. After 2 years no-contact, we started being friends again. I made a move and we slept together which got rid of my feelings but seems to have resurfaced his. Now I think he's in love with me and I don't know what to do/tell him.

Well, this happens when you messing around with your ex's - feelings always re-surface

If you can't help yourself, If you limit to once a week, that should be enough to give him the hint that you're not after anything serious without telling him and breaking his heart

But the fact that your feelings are going to surface means that that the inevitable will happen. So perhaps you should cut it clean and move on. There is a good reason why you're both each other's ex's

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Why do people feel the need to go backwards instead of forwards in life? You obviously never let go of this guy, which is the main reason you didn't allow yourself to meet someone just as compatible, or even better. You're being complacent, in my opinion. Ex's are ex's for a reason.

Anyway, in every relationship one person is more invested than the other. In this case it's him. I get it that you have no feelings and he's probably in love, which may be overwhelming, but you fail to mention what it is you want from him. Do you want a friend with benefits? a fuck buddy? a boyfriend?

Winging it while "hoping you catch feelings again" is hardly a valid approach. I think you just wanted to see if you still had him, and once you satiated that appetite your drive is gone, and what you're left with is an overly attached boyfriend that thinks you're together now.

You need to figure out what you want from him, and most importantly why you want it. But I'll tell you straight up, if you think he's the best option because you're oh so compatible, and you won't find anyone better, then what you're actually doing is settling, and that's kind of sad.

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Thanks for responding. Sorry for not being clear in my post - I want to continue to be friends with benefits at this point in time. Do you have any advice for saying this this without breaking his heart or being presumptuous about his current feelings?

As for wanting to see if I still had him - While the incident with the ex-friend probably did throw this motivation into the mix, I really did still feel for him before. I would say I still loved him. I was shocked and disappointed that those feelings went away.

Also, I suffer from depression which comes and goes. It doesn't always make me 'sad' all day - it can leave me feeling numb during an episode. Since it's only been 2 weeks I definitely wanted to wait it out a little to make sure the reason I feel nothing isn't this. It felt like my feelings for him switched-off so suddenly which made me consider this may be a reason.

What I want in the long run - I think I want to date him again. But it's going to be hard if we're coming at it from such different perspectives. Again, it's only been 2 weeks so I have to think about this more. I'm already not seeing him for the next 2 weeks at all because I'm going away on holidays.
Thinking of making it no contact - but would this just make things worse?

I'd simply let him know what my intentions were. Supposedly he's a man, not a fragile handle-with-care object. You don't have to be blunt about it, but you shouldn't let him live his "we're together" delusion either. Tell him you enjoy the sex and his company, but 2 years is a long time and you shouldn't rush anywhere.

Alternatively you can do as Dragula suggested, and convey the message by limiting the time you spend together, although in my opinion that will only push him into an embarrassing confession.
Yeah, that's what I said. You didn't love him, you just wanted to see if you still had it. It was a conquest. And after you succeeded, the thrill was gone.
They didn't switch. You fulfilled your goal. Think of it as hunger. Once you satiated your appetite, the feeling is gone. You don't love food. You're just hungry.
If someone came into your world and swept you off your feet, would you still doubt what you want?
You don't want this guy. You just want to want him. Sorry, but that doesn't work.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I'm sure you guys know that this is useless.

How often have you given a woman advice that went against her emotions that she actually took? Never. At least not without consistent badgering and manipulation.

The guys not leading and he's being used to fulfill her needs while his needs aren't being considered, because he's not making her considering them at the expensive of her needs. This is typical.

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