Hey Everybody!
So I have been dating this girl since February this year more or less. We dated for a month about 3 or 4 years ago and I suddenly disappear, and then this year we hit it off again (I apologized for what happened before). She is extremely busy, works a full time job (has to leave home at 7am doesn't come back until 7pm), and on top of that she does works a part time freelance job after work (rehabbing houses, etc).. That leaves us with very little to no time to see each other, we try to go out at least once a week but it is usually for a few hours (like dinner and drinks from 10pm to 12). Occasionally, like once a month or maybe more, we have one day were we can spend more time together (like after she has finished rehabbing a house and is waiting for her next project). I sometimes tell myself well, if she wanted to make time to see me she would... but then again I understand her not wanting to put aside or get distracted from her main goals. Mind you, she acts like she is very independent and doesn't need help from anybody.

Anyways, about a week ago, we were having an argument about something really stupid (I guess it was that time of the month) and when we finally sat down and talk she was like, what do you think about us? I mean we are using the very little free time we have to see each other, but do you think this is worth it? and I said yeah I think it's worth it. she continued with, so what are we? I mean what do you want? I thought she was giving me a hint for ok maybe its time to take it a step further and get into a formal relationship. So basically I said it, and didn't get the response I was waiting for hah. She said: well, to be honest, this doesn't feel like a normal relationship. Seeing someone once a week for margaritas is not a real relationship to me... and it seems like we don't have the time needed to invest into a real relationship.. maybe we should just be friends for now. Of course, like most girls, she had remembered a list of all the things that had went wrong along these months almost with dates, times and exact dialogs and didn't hesitate to bring that up (but in april you said that.... and then in july you said that... )haha.

So we went out on a date a few nights ago and it was a complete de-escalation... I tried to go at least for the kiss at the end of the date and it was a nogo ha. she was like didn't we agree we were going to be friends?

on a separate note, she has just quit full time job (last week), and is taking a month off to travel with her mom. When she comes back she won't go back to a full time, she will just start doing the freelance rehabing (meaning she will deff have more time).

Am I misreading something? Maybe she is just simply not interested in me? I am a little shocked because we have been going out for the last 7-8months and it seemed that things were going really well, and then suddenly boom. Any suggestions?

Thanks!

When a girl changes her mind there isn't much you can do about it. Keep moving forward! She will come back around.

Also, only a suggestion, but big block paragraphs are hard to read. It's better to break it up some and more people will respond.

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Yeah. You're misreading her lack of interest as something else. She isn't feeling it with you dude.

Anyone who has something going for themselves will have busy schedules. Once per week after all that time seems underwhelming. And yes, people will sacrifice those precious few hours of weekday sleep for the right person without much hesitation.

You should find someone else.

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Your dates are predictable (boring) to her now. Women need excitement. I know it's not easy because of the situation, but that's what you're in... it's your choice how to do it.

When she asked you "What do you think about us?" she's just hoping you agree that you should stop seeing eachother or be friends.

You need to tell her "Look. I'm only interested in you romantically. I think you're a great girl and we've got the potential for something special... so give me a call if you change your mind" then never contact her again unless she contacts you first, at which point you set a date - something unpredictable, romantic (not overly invested, just not a coffee/movie/dinner kind of date)

You're the guy so you need to lead. I had a girlfriend who lived quite far away at one point. Imagine how hard it was to surprise her, or be unpredictable? We'd have to plan everything. It got boring for both of us.

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Thanks a lot! Yeah I figured it was lack of interest I was just surprised that it was all of a sudden.

Daniels I agree with you, our dates have gotten predictable and thus boring... but how do I change that? I mean pretty much when we go out is like at 10pm on a weekday which is the time she has free. Not much to do other than going to a bar for a drink... we could go for a movie but she would most likely fall asleep.

and the girl is probably thinking, the guy disappeared on me once, he is probably going to do it again any time soon (we actually have talked about this) so why should I risk my job and life goals to spend time with a guy who is probably going to dump me anyways.

Even if she is thinking that, women are emotional beings. Men are driven by logic. Women, not so much. Her emotions will take over everything, trust me. The fear will only amplify attraction.

As for dates, you can do anything you want - bowling alley is a personal favourite, cause it's multiple dates in one venue. You live near a beach, or somewhere good for a walk?

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

I like to buy a bottle of whatever and take her to the nearby old fort overlooking the city. Great view, plenty of people since it's a popular & designated hangout spot, enough distance in between everyone to keep it intimate. Perfect place.

Granted not every city will have that, but think outside the box is my point.
Bowling is fun too. So is dancing.

You don't have to do something new every time. You just have to mix it up.

Oh and this isn't a rule of thumb. Some women will be fine with wine dates every single time. Because they don't really know better themselves. I'm telling you this so that you don't get overwhelmed.
You don't have to do these things, you'll just get huge bonus points if you do.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I do live near the beach, but she leaves like 40 mins away from me and no beach or park to walk around where she is at. We did go bowling once, I really enjoy it. Maybe I should try that more often.

but it makes sense to actually not let it feel like its boring routine (your mind will start thinking oh I will be tired all day tomorrow, I will lose a day of work, etc) but instead that it is something exciting (even though it might only be once a week for a little time) that we are looking for.