Hey guys, been dating a chick for a while now, in an LTR.

Early in the LTR she was entertaining beta orbiters, and eventually, through me talking to girls, I got my point across that it was disrespectful of her to be in contact with an ex, a guy who obviously wanted in her pants, ect.

We agreed, and no contact with any of those same guys before, save a long term friend she has had since WAYYYY before me.


However now the issue of work friends has come up. We both have friend groups at work of the opposite sex, and have their numbers. I go out in groups with mine, and she has hers.

ISSUE:

One of her work friends invited her out to a bar because he DJs there. She wanted me to come and see him, but planned on going without me. Similar behavior from me (texting a girl from work, invited my GF to come) got jealousy from my gf, so I said pretty much "how would you feel if I went the other night without you?" and it seemed to work

But another instance, a different co-worker of hers was out on the town when her and her friends were out one night. She said that he texted her and they met up in groups. Should I tolerate this? They were in two groups, my gf's group of chicks and those dudes.

By the way, the sex is on tap with my gf, she is super jealous with me with other girls. What should I do? Is anything red flag here? Did I let her overstep her boundaries?

I'm thinking of just telling her I went to the bar the other night without her and met up with work people because I texted them, and then she'll be jealous, then we can have this particular conversation and set that boundary?

Games.

You're in a relationship.

If you've got an issue, talk to her about it instead of fucking with each other through silly games.

A'right, couple of things here:
Did he invite only her? Was it like a date? which I doubt because if he was on DJ duty..well you can understand the logistics problem there.
Or did he invite her, just the 2 of them for drinks at a bar where he DJ's on his own time?
Are you really asking if you should tolerate your girl hanging out with her friends because it just so happened that a guy suggested her and her friends should join him and his friends?
Your borderline unhealthy obsession with boundaries is the only thing resembling a red flag that I see at the moment.
You're playing games. Games have their time and place of effectiveness, but a LTR is hardly the case. Wars don't really have victors, do they? Don't go to war with each other.

Seems to me that your insecurities are taking the best of you. A boundary is her not snooping in your phone and violating your privacy.
Another is her not demanding you always include her in 100% of your normal activities.
Boundaries are something that stem from your core inner beliefs. I do not tolerate my girl going through my phone without permission because I see it as one of the most un-sexy acts one can do and it's absolutely repelling to me. That's a genuine reason.

Interdicting her to hang out with friends of the opposite sex is not a genuine reason, it's one that emerges from inner insecurities. Do you see the difference?
The fact that her keeping in contact with her ex bothers you also boils down to insecurities on your side. It would be a different story if the guys was an ex of 2 weeks or whatever, but since you and this girl are in an LTR that's not the case. It's fine if she agreed to cut contact with him, but you need to call it for what it is.


Communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. If something is fucking with you, talk about it. But first and foremost honestly decide whether or not the issue in question is a result of you giving into weakness or if it's truly something worth discussing. If it's the first, obviously work on yourself. If it's the second, by all means communicate away.

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Sounds like you're making a big deal about nothing to me, but you honestly have to base you decisions on what you feel to be your boundaries inside. I personally wouldn't make an issue over this, because it isn't crossing my boundaries. You have to deicide what you boundaries are and deicide whether or not they're for the better or worse for the people around you.

Possibly she's has a lifestyle, social network that is not for you. And if you have to be mature enough to decide that and then decide whether or not you should separate because of it.

But what you don't do is whine and complain. You don't guilt her. Thats for guys that get cheated on. If she crosses your boundaries you make a decision. Complaining will get you left. You become a burden.. A girl doesn't want a guy complaining, she wants a guy she can complain to.

Her attitude will turn into.. "Stop complaining and do something. And if you're not going to do something, shut up about it."

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For the first bolded point, can you explain why?

For the second, every time I have brought something up like this, the reaction has been "do you even like me!!?" OR I have brought it up in a way that gets her to see my point of view by me going tit for tat (which I KNOW ISN't HEALTHY.) I guess I've been lucky enough for her to not notice my complaint and think more about questioning her own value in my eyes.

The first post was a typo. I'm doing two things at once while still trying to provide quality information. I corrected it.

It was suppose to say, I wouldn't make an issue about it because it is NOT crossing my boundaries. That shit just wouldn't bother me, because i typically don't have those issues. If there is one thing I like it is my freedom, and if i feel like a girl is suffocating me, she will lose me very quickly. I like her to have her own friends and i like her to have her own thing going on.

I'm not intimated by anyone, or anything. And I have no issues getting a new girl if need be. You're issue is a result of how tightly your clinging. And her behavior is a response, so she is pulling just a tad bit. Women are attachers by nature, men are detachers. So if you're attaching, she must detach and thus find something for her to attach too so she can be in tune with her nature.

You're acting in fear.. This is causes he respect for you to decrease. And once a woman loses her respect for you, her love for you goes right out the window. Love cannot exist between an intimate man and woman without respect.

So she'll test you more and give you more shit, she'll do what she wants despite your feelings because this respect isn't there. It'll last for a bit, the fighting to get her to see your point of view, but each one sucks a little bit of air out of the balloon of the relationship. Eventually it falls flat.

I think you need to secure yourself.

I wrote this: act-like-a-man-think-like-a-woman-vt190620.html

Check it out and take it into consideration.

If theres anything else, let me know

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I didn't say anything about the scenario with the groups of friends yet, and I won't. However I have NEVER besides the one time about the DJ guy, mentioned her not going out with people. The only time I ever have is when she protests about something similar with me and I point out that if it bothers her, then I agree we can call that quits.

Even the one time about the DJ thing, I was with her that night and said "basically, you are a hypocrite...if I was to text a girl to make plans, you would be super jealous, we can do something else tonight because I would not do the same to you because I know you don't like it" and she agreed

I'm definitely not the attached one here man, she is constantly asking me to introduce her to friends, bring her along to meet my workmates because I don't, and trying to spend more time with me. I think you have me mistaken for a controlling boyfriend who tries to tie her down.

So whats the nature of this post?

Women are hypocrites. You're dealing with her like she's a man, when she thrives on emotion and no logic. Of course she'll be hypocritical when she feels one way vs feeling another. Just as women want equal rights, but still want to enjoy all of the luxuries they had before the equal rights. So as mature men, we have to deal with their emotion and not their lack of logic. You speak to her emotion, not her incongruence.

I'm not mistaking you for anything. I'm responding to what you have written. The behavior is clearly rooted in childishness. You can hold her to her emotion, tolerate her shit, or you can get rid of her. But getting her to appeal to your logic in the way a man will is only temporary. It will remain a constant theme.

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So don't make a biggie out of this (her behavior wasn't disrespectful) however if she breaks a boundary we have set on the issue (going on little lunch or bar dates with the opposite sex alone outside of work) walk away to hold to them?

I just felt like this might have been blurry enough to constitute breaking that boundary, but i guess not. After all one was a groups thing and the other while she did text the dude hypocritically, i was invited and it wasn't 1 on 1