This is an example of how PU makes guys worse at communicating by emphasising "holding frame"
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There was this white girl that I wanted to fuck but things changed and I wasn't interested anymore. She was taken but flirted with me sexually nonetheless. But recently she started acting strange. Like kept bringing up other guys. She visited Tokyo recently and she would bring it up every time we talked. About asian guys there are hot and she wants to play with them blah blah blah... I'm Asian also but I think she was trying to make me jealous and qualify myself to her.
So this is a female friend, who is comfortable flirting and talking sexually. So she is telling you about Asian guys she wants to fuck. YOU'RE A FRIEND. Why would it bother you if she is talking about other guys? You take it as she is trying to make you jealous and qualify you, when this is exactly what a girl like this would do with her male friends. That's the role you chose. I'm just saying, if you want to be with her, make a move, but if you are fine just being friends, not everything is her trying to mess with you. Do you expect a female friend who flirts with people not to talk like this?
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I just ignored it and went on with the convo but did a bit of freeze-out on her (taking longer to response, refuse to answer personal question, not telling her my plan for the summer when she kept asking, calling her by her last name instead of my nickname for her, etc...)
Now this is you just being jealous, weird and kinda rude. Again, how is it disrespectful what she was doing? And just like relationships, freezing her out and being rude is just playing games. If you're jealous of her talking abt dudes, why? If you find it disrespectful to you, why? These reasons could have been communicated or you could have realized you were being jealous and just stopped taking it personally.
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The last few times talking, she kept mentioning some random topic and when I told her what I know about it, she turned around calling me being a smartass. Cool I brushed it off, not falling for that trap tying to explain myself or kissing her ass. Finally again, today same thing happened. She said "GKS, you should stop being a smartass, I don't like it. You should change the way you talk". I told her I've always been this way and I could have the same conversation with other people and they would not take it that way. And that she recently seems to take everything too personal.
If this is a friend, just ask, how am I being a smartass? Look, maybe you were. And so far, honestly, this all just sounds like she mentioned dudes, you got mad at that and did passive aggressive stuff. But being pouty that she likes other guys, being passive aggressive and then saying well she's taking it as too personal is not a good move. Odds are, she's right. She picked up you were being passive aggressive and instead of realizing that, you stood behind it. You couldve caught yourself at this moment and realized that how you were approaching this was wrong.
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And guess what? She played that card. She said "if you don't change the way you talk then we should stop talking". Which I replied "okay whichever you feel best". She said something after that but I didn't listen, I just walked off.
Anyway the way I see it, she senses that I was moving on so she pulled those craps to regain her control. I feel that she's being quite emotional manipulative trying to do so. What is your take on it?
This is rude and manipulative on her part. See, all of this couldve been much smoother with how you handled a friend talking about guys. No need to freeze her out or be rude beforehand. No need to say smart comments. But it's NOT her taking things too personal. YOU took things too personal. She mentioned other dudes sexually. You're a friend. Not her bf or dating or whatever. If you didnt want to be a guy friend, dont sign up for the role then be hurt when she treats you like one of the gals. And then dont freeze her out and all that over it.
For the record, I agree with Eddie and others to walk, but I can say it's a situation you caused by how you handled the Asian men thing. She mentions guys, YOU use freeze outs etc to MANIPULATE her, then she becomes MANIPULATIVE with her ultimatum. See what started the MANIPULATION thing? And again, if you're not interested in her that way, why does it matter? What do you think a girl like this would talk to her male friend about? Just dont lie to yourself. For her comments to matter to you like this, you were jealous. And you took it too personal. She mentioned dudes, you felt some kinda way, you were passive aggressive to mess with her, and now both of you are walking away. You gotta be honest with yourself first and look at how you handled something and whether you were justified in messing with her over the comments and what that says about what you really wanted from this girl. If you werent interested, comments on Asian dudes wont affect you, and you sure as hell wouldnt be freezing out a girl you saw as just a friend. She didnt realize you were moving on and tried to upset you. You realized she wasnt interested and severed things so you could stop wasting your time.
CHAT
