First off you need to understand that 95% of people don't really give a sh!t about what you have to say and most of the times really just want to talk themselves. They might seem like they care , but really they rarely do.
Especially people you've just met. They can't wait for you to shut up so they can start talking.
However the problem with this is that like yourself , some aren't all that good at it. They really want to , but they just don't know how.So you have to help them.
The other 5% is family and close friends. Maybe your girlfriend.
Anyway , I've recently been told by a girl that I'm her favorite conversation partner and that she loves the way I tell stories and the time she gets to spend with me.However I rarely do the talking myself when I'm with her. She does about 85% of it. How ? I simply encourage her to talk. Small things like:
"-You seriously did that ? well I already judged you , may as well tell me the rest of the story."
"-You've been to Egipt ? I always wanted to have sex on top of a pyramid. What did you do ?"
Don't just settle for "tell me more". Don't get me wrong , "tell me more" is exponentially better than most people do and it does encourage others to talk ,but why just encourage them to talk when you can do that AND add value both yourself and to the conversation with a witty comment.
But more importantly actually learn to listen. Instead of focusing your mind on what you're about to say , try focusing on what you're actually being told , and then reply.
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I am new here, and your problem is very commen I think.
I think the best you can do is learning some routines. And as Metal_Stuff mentioned, ask her opion about everything.
When you run out of the above, you can always ask the more boring/commen questions:
- What are you hobby's?
- Where do you come from?
- Do you like the music here?
- Do you study?
These are common questions anyone would ask. Be a little bit more creative , never play it too safe.Granted , saying that is slightly better than an awkward silence , but only slightly.
So yeah , try to ask questions that will peak a persons' curiosity and actually get them to think. Here's one example:
-So if you had enough money , how / where would you spend your ideal birthday / vacation ?
Question like that gets them thinking.Happy thoughts. You want those. The conversation springs into endless possibilites. If they give generic answers like "Hawaii" you can tease with " Really ? Wow , you're so creative.". If they give actual creative answers , even better , go with it.
Also avoid talking about school , work , music , politics and religion. Also family. If she has a sh!t famility talking about it would just put her in a bad mood , and if she has an awesome family it's still a boring subject because she probably talked about it to the other 100 guys that asked her before you.
I found this out the hard way mind you , when a girl bursted into tears because her sister had just recently committed suicide. Yeah , good luck progressing anywhere from that.
I'm just now realising that you were not reffering to females in particular but to strangers and groups as a whole. Well , some of these principles still apply , specially encouraging others to talk.
Also , never ever ever EVER do this again.
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I just go home (because Im hungry,sleepy.. yes lie in this, i wont tell people that Im going home because I can not be as social as I wish to be).
I feel for you OP , I used to be the same. If you need more clarifications or anything , please say so.