| since this is my first proper attempt at pursuing a woman, i think it's probably best that i tell you the whole story, from the beginning.
so, last summer i dropped out of uni because of major depression, which i have nearly recovered from. at the moment i'm living with my parents and working a part time job in retail. about 2 weeks after i started this job this HB9 starts working there. she's the kind of girl that can get absolutely any man that she wants but chooses the asshole because it gives her life drama. meanwhile, i'm the timid 'nice' guy (half due to being bullied at school and having extremely low self esteem and the other half simply because my parents raised me to be considerate and loving etc).
the first time i worked with her we were laughing and i even touched her arm and was flirting a bit, with her reciprocating slightly less so. when the conversation about our job came up i said 'i'm so lucky i got this job, with a 4 year gap on my cv' to which she said 'well it's probably because you're just such a nice guy' (ouch). she mentioned her partner, but then said definitively 'we're not proper boyfriend and girlfriend or anything'. she then very coyly asked if i was in a relationship. i said no, and then she said 'i want to find you a girlfriend, a nice pretty one, not a nasty one. i'd know which ones they are since i'm a woman myself'.
the next time we worked together i decided to give her nothing more than a platonic friendship and conversation, just to see her reaction. as expected, she was trying to get my attention and flirt throughout the whole day and even told me to add her on facebook (which i was retarded enough to not do). i took that whole shift as an IOI but looking back on it can't help feeling that she just wanted the attention.
so, our friendship grew and one day she told me, out of the blue, that she would break up with her partner. i didn't think anything of it at the time. another day, she came in with her hair curled and i said 'wow, i love the hair! very pretty' to which she said 'thanks, i did it just for you'. later that shift, i just spontaneously approached her and asked her if she wanted to join me to do some shisha after work. she said yes. then my utter dickhead colleague came over and said 'hey, you hitting on her again?'. i looked at him, unable to say anything because i wasn't expecting anyone to be that much of a fucking cunt (especially when he knew i liked her) but she just said 'so what if he is?'
so we went out after work and just had a general chat. she touched me once but i was too anxious to do anything more. the topic of teeth randomly came up and i said 'for me, teeth are extremely important' to which she said 'i have really nice teeth, look' (not sure if this was an IOI).
another day i talked to her and was (stupidly) an utter knob to her throughout the day (thinking that showing her the 'less nice side' of me would help). at the end of that shift, i just said to her 'hey, X, i could do with your number' to which she said 'i can't remember it, if you give me yours and i'll add you' (ouch again). but then someone else told me, in front of her, to just add everyone in the phone book, which i did.
kino escalated from touching to full on hugging. there were even days when she would hug me tight and look at herself in the mirror. she kept on suggesting that we go out to london sometime and when i took action to suggest a date that we both go, she just put it off 3 times in a row. admittedly, i wasn't showing her much interest (not texting her at all) but i'd have still thought that she would have made more effort, especially since it was her idea.
then, the bombshell happened. i was stabbed in the back by 2 colleagues who went and told her that i liked her. when she told my other mate A about this she said that me and her were 'just friends'. she didn't know that A told me about that conversation, but only a few days before then, me and her held hands in the stock room (which she initiated). i squeezed her hand and she squeezed back. looking back on it now, she definitely wanted me to tell her that i liked her, but of course, i fucking bottled it like a chump, walked off and asked, cheekily 'by the way, why am i the last one to find out about Y (the guy she was dating at the time)' to which she got EXTREMELY defensive and said 'it was just one date it doesn't mean anything i told you i'm single! please believe me it was just one date it doesn't mean anything!'
since she knew i liked her but i wouldn't tell her, the kino basically stopped abruptly and she started flirting with this other colleague like a bitch clearly just to piss me off. this was on christmas eve, when we were working. on boxing day, she started the kino again and was hinting that she was free on saturday morning, which is when i was free too. i walked off and saw her look a bit dejected. however, later that shift, i just randomly asked her if she wanted to do something next week? to which she looked relieved and said 'yes, what time' and i said 'i'm free any time, we'll organise something closer to then'.
i then randomly phoned her up and asked if she wanted to join me on new years eve. she was doing something with her family though (she really was) but said that we'd definitely do something the next week.
so on that monday (new years eve), i just asked her if she wanted to join me for lunch on thursday. she immediately said 'yes', looked down and smiled. once new years eve had passed, the next shift we were working together i walk in on a conversation with her and another colleague talking about her going to hospital on thursday, which she didnt even think about telling me about (which i later found out was complete bullshit). when i said 'so, i guess lunch on thursday is off?' she said 'well, yeah, i'm working on thursday and have the doctors on friday. sorry' with ZERO empathy, even though she knew i liked her.
i tried texting her after that but she didn't reply. i then just bit the bullet and told her how i felt. i could see her smile right before i said it because she knew what i was going to say. all she said was that 'thankyou for being honest. that took guts. i want to stay in this store for a while and work my way up to being a retail manager, and with the no in-store dating policy it just wouldn't be possible for us to be together. i would DEFINITELY consider it if we were working for different companies. but you're a GREAT guy (ouch) and even if i liked you back (mega ouch), we couldn't go out together because of that policy'
so, after reading all of that, did i completely ruin it through my anxiety, or was she just an attention-seeking bitch that lead me down the river?
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CHAT
) you, but you were too scared to escalate things further. 
