Jesus christ.

You're a man. Drink coffee whenever you want.

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So I went on the coffee date today (my first date ever). It went well overall and it lasted about 1.5 hours. I walked her to her car at the end and we hugged (she initiated the hug). She turned out to be really nice and not crazy or aggressive at all. She was also really respectful and never checked her cell phone and actually held eye contact and showed interest in getting to know me as a person.

The only problem is that she was pretty boring. On okcupid and in texts, she frequently said witty or funny things, but she never made an effort to banter in person and she didn’t reciprocate when I tried to banter. I don’t know if it was because she was nervous. Maybe that’s why she was hinting at going out for drinks? She even mentioned going out for drinks in her last okcupid message. There were lots of lulls in the conversation, but both of us made efforts to quickly start up a new topic. She was actually the one who ended up saying she had to go when a longer-than-usual awkward silence came about at the end. As bad as this makes me sound, there were a couple of times when I thought it would be good to end the date because the conversation was becoming stale, but I felt guilty about doing it. I’m guessing it’s something that I really need to get over.

Another problem was that because of my inexperience (and this was my first date ever), I couldn’t get into a playful frame and we basically just built rapport (talking about school, family and hobbies). I also never touched her once (aside from an initial handshake and hug at the end) and the conversation never got sexual in any way (lack of experience). I don’t know if this is good or bad in terms of whether I’m friend-zoned, but in the first 30 minutes, the conversation progressed into her saying that her father was an alcoholic and her ex-husband was an addict (she didn’t mention anything else about her ex-husband). I reciprocated by talking about the problems I had with my father as kid and now (which was probably stupid of me).

We also have pretty much nothing in common. She’s very passionate about cooking and I know nothing about cooking, whereas I’m very passionate about movies and she’s not really into movies. This wasn’t a problem online or during texting because we found other things to talk about.

So my questions are:

How common is a situation like this? Two people meet online and they have great chemistry, but when they meet up in person, everything is boring and there’s no joking around? What went wrong? Was it because she was nervous? Was it because it was a coffee date? Would alcohol have gotten her to be more like who she was online and during texting? Or was I supposed to be the one leading the interaction and making things fun and I wasn’t able to because of my lack of experience?

Should I give her another chance? If so, what should I do? Like when do I text her and what do I say? What should the next date be and when? Should I try to create a fun conversation with her over text before attempting to go out with her again?

Or has she probably lost interest in me? Should I wait for her to send me a text?

Is there any particular reason you keep blatantly ignoring the obvious? She was hinting at drinks because that's what people do.
If you're out during the day, you're not out on a date, you're out on a business meeting. And there's nothing intimate/exciting about that.
You sat across from her, haven't you?
Half the fun in a sexual conversation is the prospect of it going from conversation to reality in 30 minutes time. There's something severely offputing about that when the sun is shining in your eyes, because it's 3pm.
If you're worried about the friend-zone, then why are you doing everything in your power to get there? Honestly OP, you chose Sunday coffee over Friday night drinks. There is no scenario in which that's the right decision.

Anyhow, no, talking about an alcoholic dad and addict ex is not exactly what brings up happy feels in people.
What's she supposed to think? "Can't wait to go on another date and reminisce over horrible memories"?.
You set yourself up for an uphill battle. I'm going broken record on this but again, your date choice was incriminatingly bad.
This isn't about using alcohol to calm your nerves, it's about the sense of intimacy it plus the nighttime ambiance creates.
So while yes, you should lead the interaction, in this particular case the setting wasn't really taking it anywhere.
I admire the confidence, but she'd be the one giving you another chance. If it's not obvious yet the next date should be what the first should've been. Drinks. At night.
When is up to you. Not working the next day is a plus.
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment and try to find a good reason for her to text you first. And I'm being serious here. What did you offer to make her want more of?
Hint: It's probably not coffee.

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Embrace the lulls. I have found that the longer you let lulls go, the more women dig it It shows confidence, it shows you don't fear space. What's wrong with just enjoying each other, quietly as you check each other out? Women should be doing 70-80% of the talking.


conversations are meant to become stale.

Every. Single. One.

You have to lead the conversation to flirtation, innuendo, then to escalation. Conversation is a means to an end.

You're the man. Lead the conversation by asking fun questions and teasing. Always keep it light and fun.

This is so overrated. I don't want to date me, I want to date someone different, lol. Who gives a shit? you might be amazing lovers. You never know. That's why you escalate, fuck, and make decisions like this later.

You fucked up on the coffee date. She wanted drinks. It's hard to be relaxed and super sexual at 3pm in a sterile corporate coffee shop, as R.C. said.


Yes. Text her this, right now:

"Hey, I'm celebrating good news, was thinking of drinks and Netflix tonight at my place. You're welcome to join."

She will read this as, "this guy is down to fuck, right now".

It also shows leadership. If she says no, say "cool, have a good one". And wait to hear from her.

When you no longer fear OUTCOME, you start to give off a vibe that women really like. They don't feel pressured. They feel safe and relaxed.

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+1 It just ain't that hard

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