Calling out irritating behaviour - social media



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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 7:24 am 
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Urgh... First post in this section...

Background... I work in a male dominant entertainment field, met a girl in the same field at a show, we have a lot of mutual friends (over 100), we got talking, I asked her out, we went on about 12 dates, slept together after maybe 2 and a half weeks and became exclusive a couple of weeks after that. A few more weeks after that we were out in the open as a couple.

Dates are always fun, sex is good, she's very affectionate in person. I've met and spent time with her best friends (outside of out mutual field) and they tell me I make her very happy. Communication is so so, we text each other in the morning, before bed and a bit in between when we're not busy.

I have been insecure and needy in the past which I can internalise and handle.

Yesterday however, I got very irritated by her reaction to something. I found out that an elderly family member, who I am very close to is in very bad health. Confided in girlfriend about this in reply to her text, she asked what's wrong, I thought I'd just call her instead, as texting wasn't appropriate. She didn't answer. Figured she was away from her phone or whatever. I browsed twitter while waiting for her to call back and she's tweeting about an upcoming show. I called her again, she answered this time, we spoke about what's bothering me, she was very understanding and listened then we spoke about her work which was bothering her. Soon after we said goodnight as it was late and we both were tired.

I then had a bizarre dream about calling her out on twitter being more important than our relationship and it leading to a violent argument and now I want to confront her about it.

If I address it, I'm going to wait until I see her in person, it's not the end of the world but I'd like to think my girlfriend is going to be there for me when I need her, rather than social media.

Thoughts?

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Last edited by Slick_uk on Tue May 09, 2017 1:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 8:06 am 
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You're acting neurotic, IMHO.

You do have valid needs in the context of her supporting you during this time. But two things:

1. You haven't been together long to expect a year long gf emotional support 100%.
2. She's not a mind reader.

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 8:14 am 
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Quote:
You're acting neurotic, IMHO.

You do have valid needs in the context of her supporting you during this time. But two things:

1. You haven't been together long to expect a year long gf emotional support 100%.
2. She's not a mind reader.
1. Bang on. This is why I'm leaning towards not saying anything
2. However, this also makes me think if she doesn't know it bothers me, that it's acceptable behaviour going forward.

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 8:46 am 
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How old is she?

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 8:52 am 
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How old is she?

She's 28, I'm 32.

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 9:25 am 
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Her segue from your family death to her work complaints is a lack of self-awareness, IMHO. Big turn off for me.

But it's early, and if she's sweet and cute, it's something she can work on.

I'd let it pass, and see if she has another lack-of-awareness moment, and then use it to bring up the first to make a point she needs to improve in this area. Be chill, though.

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 9:30 am 
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I then had a bizarre dream about calling her out on twitter being more important than our relationship and it leading to a violent argument and now I want to confront her about it.
Read what you wrote OP.

You're acting as if she ignored you for two days straight. There can be a billion different reasons she couldn't pick up the phone in that instant.

Saying "twitter is more important than our relationship" is highly melodramatic with controlling undertones. It's the type of thing that evolves into emotional blackmail.

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 9:53 am 
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Quote:
Her segue from your family death to her work complaints is a lack of self-awareness, IMHO. Big turn off for me.

But it's early, and if she's sweet and cute, it's something she can work on.

I'd let it pass, and see if she has another lack-of-awareness moment, and then use it to bring up the first to make a point she needs to improve in this area. Be chill, though.
Thank you.

It isn't a death yet... But looks like it's heading that way and I did change the subject to her day, which lead to her work stress. She is a sweet girl but it is too early in the relationship to carry my problems.

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 9:56 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
I then had a bizarre dream about calling her out on twitter being more important than our relationship and it leading to a violent argument and now I want to confront her about it.
Read what you wrote OP.

You're acting as if she ignored you for two days straight. There can be a billion different reasons she couldn't pick up the phone in that instant.

Saying "twitter is more important than our relationship" is highly melodramatic with controlling undertones. It's the type of thing that evolves into emotional blackmail.
Thank you for breaking it down like this. I was naturally, in a highly emotional state last night and when I woke up this morning. Not thinking clearly.

Mods can lock this, I've got the advice I needed.

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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 10:31 am 
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Thank you for breaking it down like this. I was naturally, in a highly emotional state last night and when I woke up this morning. Not thinking clearly.

Mods can lock this, I've got the advice I needed.
Ofcourse.

Remember though to not make any decisions on either emotional highs nor lows.

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There's no such thing as shit-tests.
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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 4:47 pm 
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Quote:
Urgh... First post in this section...

Background... I work in a male dominant entertainment field, met a girl in the same field at a show, we have a lot of mutual friends (over 100), we got talking, I asked her out, we went on about 12 dates, slept together after maybe 2 and a half weeks and became exclusive a couple of weeks after that. A few more weeks after that we were out in the open as a couple.

Dates are always fun, sex is good, she's very affectionate in person. I've met and spent time with her best friends (outside of out mutual field) and they tell me I make her very happy. Communication is so so, we text each other in the morning, before bed and a bit in between when we're not busy.

I have been insecure and needy in the past which I can internalise and handle.

Yesterday however, I got very irritated by her reaction to something. I found out that an elderly family member, who I am very close to is in very bad health. Confided in girlfriend about this in reply to her text, she asked what's wrong, I thought I'd just call her instead, as texting wasn't appropriate. She didn't answer. Figured she was away from her phone or whatever. I browsed twitter while waiting for her to call back and she's tweeting about an upcoming show. I called her again, she answered this time, we spoke about what's bothering me, she was very understanding and listened then we spoke about her work which was bothering her. Soon after we said goodnight as it was late and we both were tired.

I then had a bizarre dream about calling her out on twitter being more important than our relationship and it leading to a violent argument and now I want to confront her about it.

If I address it, I'm going to wait until I see her in person, it's not the end of the world but I'd like to think my girlfriend is going to be there for me when I need her, rather than social media.

Thoughts?
Her behaviour stimulated your abandonment fears, and your wanting to bring it up is more a form of protest about what you think she's doing to you.

In short you're having some 'suicidal' thoughts, and i hope you recognize this is your issue, not hers.

"I have been insecure and needy in the past which I can internalise and handle. " <= so basically you've learned to cope, but not really deal with the underlying problem. This can be ineffectual if you keep getting triggered - 1) its exhausting, and 2) it'll only be a matter of time before you can no longer contain your own experience and it bleeds over into the relationship.

What are you DOING to resolve the insecurity?


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PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2017 7:19 pm 
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Quote:
Thank you for breaking it down like this. I was naturally, in a highly emotional state last night and when I woke up this morning. Not thinking clearly.

Mods can lock this, I've got the advice I needed.

This is exactly what I mean by staying emotionally-centered. If you can recognize when you're not centered, you can control it. But 99% of men are oblivious, and act on their uncentered-ness,and blow up a woman's phone, and thus get dumped.

It's the biggest reason for girls blowing men off, IMHO.

If you can master this, it's very attractive to women.

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PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2017 7:54 am 
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Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 8:22 pm
Posts: 209
Quote:
Quote:
Urgh... First post in this section...

Background... I work in a male dominant entertainment field, met a girl in the same field at a show, we have a lot of mutual friends (over 100), we got talking, I asked her out, we went on about 12 dates, slept together after maybe 2 and a half weeks and became exclusive a couple of weeks after that. A few more weeks after that we were out in the open as a couple.

Dates are always fun, sex is good, she's very affectionate in person. I've met and spent time with her best friends (outside of out mutual field) and they tell me I make her very happy. Communication is so so, we text each other in the morning, before bed and a bit in between when we're not busy.

I have been insecure and needy in the past which I can internalise and handle.

Yesterday however, I got very irritated by her reaction to something. I found out that an elderly family member, who I am very close to is in very bad health. Confided in girlfriend about this in reply to her text, she asked what's wrong, I thought I'd just call her instead, as texting wasn't appropriate. She didn't answer. Figured she was away from her phone or whatever. I browsed twitter while waiting for her to call back and she's tweeting about an upcoming show. I called her again, she answered this time, we spoke about what's bothering me, she was very understanding and listened then we spoke about her work which was bothering her. Soon after we said goodnight as it was late and we both were tired.

I then had a bizarre dream about calling her out on twitter being more important than our relationship and it leading to a violent argument and now I want to confront her about it.

If I address it, I'm going to wait until I see her in person, it's not the end of the world but I'd like to think my girlfriend is going to be there for me when I need her, rather than social media.

Thoughts?
Her behaviour stimulated your abandonment fears, and your wanting to bring it up is more a form of protest about what you think she's doing to you.

In short you're having some 'suicidal' thoughts, and i hope you recognize this is your issue, not hers.

"I have been insecure and needy in the past which I can internalise and handle. " <= so basically you've learned to cope, but not really deal with the underlying problem. This can be ineffectual if you keep getting triggered - 1) its exhausting, and 2) it'll only be a matter of time before you can no longer contain your own experience and it bleeds over into the relationship.

What are you DOING to resolve the insecurity?
I'm definitely not having suicidal thoughts... :lol:

I do think though, that certain things trigger anxiety. An unwell relative being one of them. Talking about it, hanging out with my friends, doing things I like and working out almost always seem to help.

My insecurity is likely due to being in a fresh relationship, it's happened in the past and disappeared once the relationship has matured. I'll be fine, just need a little patience

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PostPosted: Thu May 02, 2019 7:30 am 
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Joined: Thu May 02, 2019 7:29 am
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Urgh... First post in this section...

Background... I work in a male dominant entertainment field, met a girl in the same field at a show, we have a lot of mutual friends (over 100), we got talking, I asked her out, we went on about 12 dates, slept together after maybe 2 and a half weeks and became exclusive a couple of weeks after that. A few more weeks after that we were out in the open as a couple.

Dates are always fun, sex is good, she's very affectionate in person. I've met and spent time with her best friends (outside of out mutual field) and they tell me I make her very happy. Communication is so so, we text each other in the morning, before bed and a bit in between when we're not busy.

I have been insecure and needy in the past which I can internalise and handle.

Yesterday however, I got very irritated by her reaction to something. I found out that an elderly family member, who I am very close to is in very bad health. Confided in girlfriend about this in reply to her text, she asked what's wrong, I thought I'd just call her instead, as texting wasn't appropriate. She didn't answer. Figured she was away from her phone or whatever. I browsed twitter while waiting for her to call back and she's tweeting about an upcoming show. I called her again, she answered this time, we spoke about what's bothering me, she was very understanding and listened then we spoke about her work which was bothering her. Soon after we said goodnight as it was late and we both were tired.

I then had a bizarre dream about calling her out on twitter being more important than our relationship and it leading to a violent argument and now I want to confront her about it.

If I address it, I'm going to wait until I see her in person, it's not the end of the world but I'd like to think my girlfriend is going to be there for me when I need her, rather than social media.

Thoughts?
Her behaviour stimulated your abandonment fears, and your wanting to bring it up is more a form of protest about what you think she's doing to you.

In short you're having some 'suicidal' thoughts, and i hope you recognize this is your issue, not hers.

"I have been insecure and needy in the past which I can internalise and handle. " <= so basically you've learned to cope, but not really deal with the underlying problem. This can be ineffectual if you keep getting triggered - 1) its exhausting, and 2) it'll only be a matter of time before you can no longer contain your own experience and it bleeds over into the relationship.

What are you DOING to resolve the insecurity?
I'm definitely not having suicidal thoughts... :lol:

I do think though, that certain things trigger anxiety. An unwell relative being one of them. Talking about it, hanging out with my friends, doing things I like and working out almost always seem to help.

My insecurity is likely due to being in a fresh relationship, it's happened in the past and disappeared once the relationship has matured. I'll be fine, just need a little patience

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PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2019 9:30 am 
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Joined: Thu May 02, 2019 7:29 am
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Urgh... First post in this section...

Background... I work in a male dominant entertainment field, met a girl in the same field at a show, we have a lot of mutual friends (over 100), we got talking, I asked her out, we went on about 12 dates, slept together after maybe 2 and a half weeks and became exclusive a couple of weeks after that. A few more weeks after that we were out in the open as a couple.

Dates are always fun, sex is good, she's very affectionate in person. I've met and spent time with her best friends (outside of out mutual field) and they tell me I make her very happy. Communication is so so, we text each other in the morning, before bed and a bit in between when we're not busy.

I have been insecure and needy in the past which I can internalise and handle.

Yesterday however, I got very irritated by her reaction to something. I found out that an elderly family member, who I am very close to is in very bad health. Confided in girlfriend about this in reply to her text, she asked what's wrong, I thought I'd just call her instead, as texting wasn't appropriate. She didn't answer. Figured she was away from her phone or whatever. I browsed twitter while waiting for her to call back and she's tweeting about an upcoming show. I called her again, she answered this time, we spoke about what's bothering me, she was very understanding and listened then we spoke about her work which was bothering her. Soon after we said goodnight as it was late and we both were tired.

I then had a bizarre dream about calling her out on twitter being more important than our relationship and it leading to a violent argument and now I want to confront her about it.

If I address it, I'm going to wait until I see her in person, it's not the end of the world but I'd like to think my girlfriend is going to be there for me when I need her, rather than social media.

Thoughts?
Her behaviour stimulated your abandonment fears, and your wanting to bring it up is more a form of protest about what you think she's doing to you.

In short you're having some 'suicidal' thoughts, and i hope you recognize this is your issue, not hers.

"I have been insecure and needy in the past which I can internalise and handle. " <= so basically you've learned to cope, but not really deal with the underlying problem. This can be ineffectual if you keep getting triggered - 1) its exhausting, and 2) it'll only be a matter of time before you can no longer contain your own experience and it bleeds over into the relationship.

What are you DOING to resolve the insecurity?
I'm definitely not having suicidal thoughts... :lol:

I do think though, that certain things trigger anxiety. An unwell relative being one of them. Talking about it, hanging out with my friends, doing things I like and working out almost always seem to help.

My insecurity is likely due to being in a fresh relationship, it's happened in the past and disappeared once the relationship has matured. I'll be fine, just need a little patience


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