| Aloha everyone, I've read through some other fresh posts in here, and it's awesome to see responses. I'm sure this specific sub-forum probably sees a lot of one time traffic.
Here is my scenario:
Girl is 1 year older than I. She normally dates SIGNIFICANTLY older guys. Her last relationship was 8 years, he was 15 years older than her, emotionally distant. She wanted marriage, he finally got her the ring, but nothing past that. They broke up.
During their relationship, we had met, and vibed hard. She admitted to having fantasized about me while dating him. He is shorter, non-dominant, doesn't discuss any emotional factors.
I was dating someone, went back and saw her, and we hooked up. She said "I can't believe you're in my bed!" Said she understood I had a GF, knew what it was, etc. But, she didn't, had caught feelings & was a little hurt when I left.
8 months later, I'm single, we reconnect, she flies down twice. Total infatuation. "I'd bring another girl into the bedroom, to make you happy..." (has never done that before), etc. Sex is amazing. She never has vaginal orgasms from intercourse, and the first time here, bam, she does. She wants my kids, a life together, tells me she will be my wife. We are hot and heavy into "I love you", "I adore you" she says (along with over the moon, struck by lightening, etc.) I own a couple of businesses, told her there were some rough times, and could I rely on her. She emphatically said yes, she wanted the good and the bad together.
I relied on her, and put some pressure into the relationship. I also told her that I suck in long distance, and that planted the seed of doubt within her. She has never SAID anything contrary, but she is NOT running as hot.
I got scared that things were slipping, and compounded my mistake. I told her I had some things I was working through, and concerns, etc., and that I had to call it what it was, fear, and get over it, which I'm working to. That was last Sunday. She was researching flights to come and see me, and resolve things. She OCCASIONALLY (used to be constantly) says things like "all roads lead to you", and that "our future is still tangible and real".
I've spent this last week super positive. When I involve her in fantasy and discussions, she uses terms like "I adore you" still, and "I miss you". I gloss over most of them, and keep pushing funny/cocky. She is very into my dominant nature, she has a strong master/slave fantasy she wants from me. I say "I fucking love you." "I love fucking you. LOL, I love you too." she says. Her texts aren't as quick to come back. I talk to her of serious life matters, perhaps me relocating there, and she doesn't meet me back with the same energy.
Long story short, I'm flying up this week to see her. In person, I'm cocky, swagger, alpha, she has always loved it. Long distance, I feel like a beta. I can't read and respond to her emotionally. I NEVER give my power away, not since I was dating a virgin in 2003. I've had a SHIT ton of long term girlfriends, and typically just don't care this much. I feel totally out of my element. I'm trying to find a path that isn't overly manipulative (though I will do whatever it takes to get this my way), and re-ignite her desperate burning for me.
I occasionally go cold, she texts back "Lover!" if I take too long. I feel the need to bring her fantasy back into this, try to explore her emotional and dreaming side. She has booked/setup all kinds of events for us during my time there. We have booked flights back and forth to see each other through the end of the year. She asks for my vulnerability, I show it to her, and she doesn't engage me or react as I wish, and I regret it each time.
I assumed dating someone my own age, and in this case a year older, would be a great improvement from the early/mid 20's that I was used to, but I'm just not seeing it.
Help/experience/insights? All are appreciated. -Ian
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