How do you find the right balance between being persistent and being needy? When do you keep chasing and when do you just play it cool?

Hardly a quick question. But I think what you're referring to is called push/pull? A behavior during flirting where you would occasionally withdraw attention and interest in the subject and possibly turn it to another girl, to provoke an emotional reaction from your subject. Not any of that is chasing, persistent, or needy. I hope that helps.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Persistent means trying until she makes it clear she's not interested. Being needy means being told no and trying to change her mind.

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These hos ain't loyal

Yes, I have trouble with push/pull. Sometimes a girl will be giving be "signals" of attraction, so I would flirt. Then sometimes they play hard to get, seem less receptive, or make me do all the work (initiate convo, texts, etc), so I would back off and sometimes lose the girl by pulling too much (playing it too cool).

Sometimes I act too cool and she loses interest and sometimes I push too much that it doesn't become a challenge to her anymore and she plays hard to get or loses interest.

Should I forget about this push/pull shit and just flirt and set up dates until she clearly rejects me like DJ_Z says or does chasing too much until rejection kill all the mystery and the rush of the chase for the girl which kills attraction?

The focus shouldn't be on thinking of questions and topics. The focus should really be on feeling the girl out. Seeing if you even like her or not. If she's worth your time. Because you've made the approach, you're the leader, and you're the one that asserted yourself into a position for you guys to even have a conversation, it is about YOU. Not about her just yet.

Guys that don't know what to say to women are guys that do not know what they want. I have a plethora of things to say because I have to SCREEN women to see if they are good fits. Whether that be, A good fit for a one night stand and/or a good fit for a potential relationship. If you're out looking for a one night stand do you really want to spend 30 mins talking to some girl who's probably not up for it? Wouldn't you rather spend that 30 with a girl that could serve your agenda for the night?

Example: Lets say you're looking for a One Night Stand - Questions you should be asking are:

1) Where are you from/where do you live (To see if she lives here, if she's visiting)

2) Who did you come out here with tonight? (To see if she'll be leaving people behind to go with you)

2a) This could then transition into you asking questions about her friends. I.E "Are they from here to? How did you guys meet? How long have you been friends etc.) - None of my example have to be copied by the way; this is just to give you an idea.

3) You can ask about her club experience, how often she goes out, whether she's a party girl, ask her about the best night of her life and what happen

By the time you cover all of this the conversation will began to have flowed naturally. Thats when you can figure out escalation, and where you plan on taking her in the event that things continue to go smoothly.

Now if she gives you a response that lets you know that she can't be your one night stand (She's the designated driver for her drunk friends), go for the number and EJECT. When you have a goal, conversation will flow easily; just spend the time on people who can serve your goal.

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Boom.


Yep.

Boom!

And when you approach women with this mentality, you better believe they feel it, and go ape-shit for it. So many guys try to be the pleasers/funny court jester ass kissers.

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Thanks for the advice because it makes sense to me in general theory, but I feel like it's a bit off topic. I am talking about the balance of playing it cool and chasing directly (push/pull). As I've mentioned, sometimes I play it too cool and she loses interest. Other times, I feel like I make it too obvious that I'm into her and she loses attraction because it's not a challenge and mystery any more.

Yes. There is a certain swag and eye contact and posture and way of being that comes along with this attitude. And it looks nothing like many of the Youtube pickup dudes with their robotic movements and stances that they read about somewhere. In many instances, they are picking up DESPITE these unnaturally forced traits.

OP, don't be afraid to lose any particular girl at any point in the process. Bust on them in a charming fashion, tease, flirt, pull back a bit, but always push the ball forward in general. Your intention is to head to the goal line assuming the two of you feel you're a good match for each other but that doesn't mean sometimes you don't zig and zag a bit to get there.

So you're talking about following up post-sex, or post-number close? Not initial approach?

Because what everyone said is spot on for initial approach.

And there is no "push/pull" IMHO. I've never bought into that in terms of initial approach. You are the man, you lead. When you lead with confidence, playfullness and do not fear outcome (or silence....most men are too insecure and needy and are horrified by lulls in conversation...NEVER be afraid of lulls, they signify a man who is emotionally-centered).

Sooooo many men get those lulls and start getting jittery and panicky, and blurt out nonsense out of fear. it's hilarious. That's her job, to feel nervous yet attracted and to stumble while you playfully grin, amused with the moment.

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Haha yeah. That's what I was thinking of when I made my post. Those weird ass stances and talking way, way too much.


Yep.

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Thanks for the insight guys. I will take your advice and truly try to never worry about losing a girl in any given conversation. It also makes sense to me not to push/pull in the initial approach. Sorry, I should have clarified about pushing and pulling on girls in my social circle, work, etc.; girls I already have some attraction and rapport with. I understand the concept of zigzagging my way to the goal like ocean said, but I am having trouble in the practical sense on how/when/how much to do it. I think examples would help.

Like I said, sometimes I feel like I play it too cool, so she doesn't think I am into her anymore. Other times I push the envelope too much, so she has all the power and gets bored because the chase isn't a mystery/challenge any more.

Display your intention by inviting the woman out.
I'm not sure in what part of the process you are referring to here. If this is all prior to you inviting them out, then just invite them out and see what they say. Yes you can play a long game in the social circle and at work but it's interesting to consider that while it may take 3 months for some guys to get up the courage to invite her out, some other guy may spot her in the street, charm her in all of 5 minutes, and have her out that night.
The zig zag thing I referred to was more for when she's over at your place. You don't want to behave like an undersexed, desperately-horny mofo who is just thankful to be in the presence of a woman but you also don't want to behave like a guy who's too cool to take initiative for what he wants. So pushing and pulling a bit in these scenarios is a nice mix. Practically speaking this would entail making out a bit then pulling back, going to get the two of you something to drink, rejoining her, making out some more. That kind of thing.

But yeah, at no point from the initial approach to when she's laying in your bed excitedly should you be afraid to lose the woman.

1. You see a girl you're really attracted to.
2. You approach her and say "hi".
3. You have a brief conversation.
4. You ask her: Hey, let's grab a drink at Bar X Tuesday, 9.


Then you move on with your life, and focus on your career, fitness, and passions. There is no push/pull long game/show too much interest/show less interest, or weird magic tricks in some long ass pointless game. These kinds of games are meant for if you encounter problems after a woman invests in you by sleeping with you, and pulls away due to neediness/emotional-uncentered behavior.

A dominant male goes for what he wants, and makes his intentions clear RIGHT AWAY within the context of initial approach/attempt to get a date. He does not "wait out" people he's attracted to, but has not slept with yet.

Women intuitively know when a man doesn't have the balls to ask them out right away. You think you're being cute or "steatlhy", when in fact they just see you as a lingering beta male who probably sucks in bed, too, because you don't have the courage to lead.

If they reject you, so what? You've planted a seed, and have been congruent with your desires. In MANY cases, these women will hit you up later if you pull back and act emotionally-centered after the first rejection.

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