backstory

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Known this girl from minoring in my program (as in she's in most of my classes) since October. Friend zoned myself but then changed my mind and wanted to date her. Even if it's just short-term since I'll be away this summer. So in January I asked a female friend who dated her friend what I should do. She told me to create some distance, improve myself and then either she'll be more receptive or I'll get over her. I haven't gotten over her. And it was hard to avoid her as much as I wanted cause we're in class together and work on assignments together. But I did 60 days of no fap and it definitely improved myself. She noticed and her respect for me has gone way up. I finally decided that now was the time to make a move on her.

We were working on an assignment together. People left and then it was just the 3 of us. They wanted to get food, but I suggested that we go grab a drink. So we went to the campus bar. One drink turned into many drinks. While drunk, she brings up the fact that they've "been dating" for over a month. They've been very low-key about it and only one person in our social circle of ten or so know. I had made plans to take them Latin dancing so I could hit on her there and finally be transparent about my intentions. I had to go along with being a third wheel cause although I wanted to bail on the plans after finding out, I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. But girls are smart. She's especially smart. She sensed it and even called me out on it. She said "you're acting kind of awkward. Don't worry we're still the same people". We ended up going to this Latin dance thing, but they seemed way more interested in each other than talking to me or learning Latin dance. They even bailed on the dance lesson. Good thing I'm comfortable talking to strangers and asking girls how to dance cause even then it was still an awful experience getting third wheeled. I danced with her for like one song, and then tried to pretend they didn't exist and danced with other girls while they danced and made out. While I was in the middle of dancing, she taps me on my shoulder and says "we're leaving". I say "sure, good night" while doing a horrible job of trying to sound like I don't care

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Here's the deal. If it was a random guy and they aren't official, this wouldn't even be an issue. But it's a friend. And I use the word friend loosely. We're just in the same social circle. I don't even like this guy that much. But challenging him would create a ridiculous amount of drama.

However, there's absolutely no way I can go on being friends with this girl, studying with them together and even sitting together in class with them. I'm not OK with that and I will not be dishonest with her and myself by pretending it's OK. I have to tell her that we can't be friends. And I need to cut her out of my life and move on. But I need to do it in a mature way that's not going to hurt her.

I'm still her friend. And she will be upset. I need to make it clear that it is not a "fuck me or fuck off" ultimatum. Although part of me is honestly clinging to a shred of hope that dropping this bomb on her is gonna make her open to the idea of going out with me, there's a 99% chance that's not gonna happen. And even if it does, the other guy will never forgive me and it'll strain my relationship with everyone in that social circle. I just need to do this so that I can move on and also so that I can respect myself. I can't respect myself if I continue being her friend.

I'm just totally lost as to how I'm going to do this. I've never ever been put in a situation that's even remotely like this. I can see why social circle game sucks and pick up is more appealing to a lot of you guys.

What do you mean when you said you friend zoned yourself?

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I will never get how seeing a chick you've had no history or relationship with, with another guy can hurt someone so much. It always sounds like the creepiest thing to me, that someone can have a crush and take it that far.

Agreed. That was the purpose of my question but now I realize that the Op's answer doesn't matter. He's taking it too far even if she was interested in him at one point and he decided to friend zone himself.

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I mean I friend zoned myself cause I wanted a female friend. I changed my mind about her cause I realized she actually makes me happy. And when you spend several months obsessing over one girl even while improving yourself and talking to other girls, it hurts to see her dating someone and not being able to do something about it. If you think it's creepy what am I supposed to do then? Never talk to her again without being honest? Never work on assignments and study together with the group cause she might be there? I really can't sit next to her in class, hang out in the library with her or drink with her knowing this is going on. Knowing there's no hope. Wouldn't it be better to just completely cut her out and pretend she doesn't exist?

Look, you havent been improving yourself. Im sorry but whatever youve been doing aint it. If you'd been approaching women and getting rejected this would be just another rejection. Not even a rejection, cause nothing happened. This is one chick you like who likes someone else. What have you been doing if this is an issue? Youve been here for 3 years...a "friend" should not have you in pain because she likes someone else. By all means, if you want, run from her, cut her off. Take the path where you continue to pussy around. Cant write much cause sleepy, but jeez man grow up.

You made a decision on what you wanted from her and she did her own thing because of it. During that time she started to see someone else in your circle. Now you want to tell her "fuck me or fuck off". It's childish.

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Yeah you guys are right. Definitely over-reacting and being immature. The truth is just hard to accept. When would be an appropriate time to tell a girl you don't want to be friends? I guess when you aren't actually friends and she says lets just be friends? As opposed to this situation where we're actually good friends and all I would accomplish by lashing out at her would be making her feel bad for a few days, making everyone feel bad for a few days, all while she continues to be with my friend and I lose my only real female friend.

Just after you pull out.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.