Hey all,

Not to brag or anything, but a lot of people say that I'm good looking and I get plenty of iois.

I used to be chubby and had f'd up teeth, but working out and braces fixed that. I still see myself that same way and have struggled with social anxiety my whole life - i'm 22 now.

Question. I notice plenty of women giving me ioi's. They constantly glance at me, brush their hair and adjust their posture as I walk by, and change their position to face me as I move. This is good and all, but when I approach them, even to say hi, they're kind of cold. They give one word answers, and it's hard me to approach as is. Why does this happen? Thanks

It's normal. People aren't very excited about the idea of talking to strangers most of the time, it's human nature. Just keep on doing your routines if you have any and chill. I don't know you personally but I bet you overthink a lot!

I overthink a lot! It's just so confusing. Strong ioi's but no enthusiam. I notice is more with really attractive women.

Sounds like you are like 90+% like most guys that have girls show them interest...you expect them to do all of the work. If they act cold...quit second guessing yourself and get them to warm up.

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I second guess myself all the time. But why do they act cold, yet continue to give ioi's.

I don't know how it is that you translate not showing enthusiasm as being cold. You're saying attractive women do this when attractive women get approached all of the time. Of course they're not going to be excited that you talk to them when a guys try to talk to them on a daily basis.

I'd be interested in the details on one of these encounters. So far, you are very vague. So far, the only thing I see here is that you say "hi" and they don't get excited.

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It's hard generalize. Some girls are very receptive and try extremely hard to keep the conversation going. The hottests girls showing ioi's glance, adjust body language, and brush their hair. If I use an opener such as "i'm new to this bar, what drink do you recommend" or some other situational opener, they just reply i'm drinking x and immediately go back to talking to their friend. Some move, but continue glancing.

I've noticed the hottests girls give the most ioi's, but also act the most standoffish.

I get this all the time, a lot of women are shy or put up a shield. You just need to break through it.

Alot of the hottest girls are alpha's, so they are likely testing your confidence level.

No they are not. Women also don't test your confidence levels. Women that see a guy who they believe are attractive don't want to ruin the image that they've built in their head.

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I don't really know what to believe. A whole group of girls could give me ioi's and if I approach, one girl will always brush her hair and look away at something like a wall, or go to the bathroom or talk to some friend from a different group. If i leave, she'll come back to the original group will glance at me again.

If a woman is cold then it wasn't a real iOi. If she's actually interested she wouldn't act cold. Some women just like to eye you for the attention and validation. The only way you weed out the real iOis from the validation seeking actions is to approach. If she's interested she'll act at least somewhat interested.

Yeah, but that same girl that walks away only does it when I approach the group. I can see her shift her position to face me as I walk by. I have had friends observe the behavior and they agree.

I mean, not all girls act like this. But it seems that there are always a couple of girls that appear standoffish, but that are constantly gazing at me and brushing their hair. They act quiet and really serious around me, but normal around everyone else. I'm shy with shit self esteem, so it stays on my mind for a long time.

I'm a good-looking, but shy guy that experiences this everyday.

I think after years of reflection on this particular personal issue, I believe I know the cause.

I believe that my shyness, awkwardness, anxiousness, seriousness, defensiveness, etc. all shine through in my facial expressions when around women, whether they are interested or not.

I believe most, if not all women pick up on my negative emotions, no matter how subtle and they change their minds.

Many will initially show interest, but this only causes more amplified negative emotions, which causes their sudden 180s.

There have been times where I know I was feeling confident and had only positive vibes, but the women still responded this way. These women might be anxious or shy themselves.

I have also only had success when I felt fully confident. I gain confidence mostly through constant goal setting, both inside and outside the PUA world.

I'm not saying this is your situation, but it has been mine my whole life.

I totally agree with you. People pick up on your facial expressions, which display internal emotions. So your theory makes sense. I guess those standoffish girls have problems, but it seems that all standoffish girls act similarly. They walk away from the group, or they get their phone out when you're there. In the hallway, they'll brush their hair or look at the ceiling but say hi to everyone else.

I'd get this a few times a night. A girl would be blatantly checking me out, sometimes to the point where friends noticed heavily. I'd walk up calm, 100 percent confidence, body language and she'd be cold. Confused the fuck out of me. I'd play with it.. I'd approach right away.. I'd approach after a bit... I'd approach confident and cocky.. I'd approach more low key. Still... Didn't understand how a chick could go from checking you out to being cold.

Then I hung out with some female friends and noticed they'd check out and eye fuck guys... But it really didn't mean anything. They were attracted but not interested. They liked the validation. Girls like flirting.

I see it like this... A girl being attracted to you is one thing. It doesn't mean she wants to talk to you. Maybe she wants to talk to friends but wants to do some eye flirting.. Maybe she likes looking at you. Physical attraction is important but it doesn't mean just because she's attracted she's interested if that makes sense.

There is no sure thing with dating and this stuff. You're gonna still have to talk and carry a conversation and or escalation. Her finding you hot is one small piece at the end of the day. If you can't talk fix that. Approach.