Here is how I learned.
Take two acts.
First, is the act of throwing a mcdonalds wrapper into your garbage can.
Second, the act of approaching a woman you find beautiful.
Do you feel anxiety before, during, or after the first act?
No is the answer.
Because it has no effect on anything.
A little piece of paper. If you throw it and miss, what happens? Nothing. You take 3 steps, pick it up, and put it in the trash.
Why do you feel anxiety during the second act?
Because you feel that you have something to lose. You feel that something terrible will happen if you don't do it right.
The key is just to give up on life as you know it. I don't mean suicide.
Look, we are all going to die inside of 100 years from now. Nothing is permanent. You will not have your wife forever, you will not have your favorite car forever. You will not have your porn collection anymore. One day you will have absolutely nothing. You will not be present on the planet, just like you were not present in the years before your birth.
I hate cliches just as much as the next guy, but the cliche of "There's plenty of fish in the ocean". Is not only true, but ridiculously true.
In my county there are 5 million people.
You cannot sit here and say that if you fuck up on 10 approaches, you will never find anyone as good.
Newsflash - A lot of women are the same. In other words, you will find someone just as good, without much work.
I remember in my AFC life, I was kicking myself over fucking up an approach to a local girl who I had wanted pretty much all my life. I had known her since elementary school but was too socially retarded to know how to pick her up. Then, at 23, I finally felt like I knew enough (wrong).
I fucked up the approach by being boring and a couple other mistakes.
She totally shut me out afterwards. Not going to lie, I cried 4 days in a row. Felt like committing suicide because I had oneitis like a motherfucker. I felt it was my destiny to be with her.
Now consider this. Had my dad not decided to move from Chicago to a certain suburb in 1997, I would not have ever met this girl. My destiny absolutely did not revolve around this girl. It was just a dumb coincidence that I came across her. Had my dad decided to move to the next town over, I would have been absolutely unaware of her.
And there's 5 fucking million people in this county anyway.
So go find someone else. Women are a lot more similar than you think.
Treat losing one, with the same indifference you would feel as missing a shot into a can with a balled-up piece of paper.