I received IOI's from this girl when I last saw her (eye contact from distance, she kept the convo going after I initiated, was enjoying talking to me) however I haven't seen her for more than a month. Started talking on fb few weeks ago. Everything was great at the beginning, she always responded and seemed interested. Last week I asked her out, she agreed but when the day came she said that unfortunately she's busy. Here I think I became needy to some degree and imediatelly tried to reschedule (should have just ignored her and schedule after few days). I offered to meet after 2 days. She ignored me and the next day replied that she can't (and also put a sad smiley). I said nothing and waited 3 days and wrote 'What about tomorrow? ' (seems desperate, but I put the smiley so that I don't seem angry or disappointed or anything, however now I think it might have looked insecure). She completely ignored this (didn't even read). I waited 3 days again and just wrote something else, hopefully to initiate a fun conversation, didn't mention anything about date or why she isn't responding. However she was online few hours ago and didn't even read my message.
My plan is to wait 1 week and try to start convo again, if that fails then that's it. I'm just curious where did I f*ck this up? Is it possible that she is playing hard to get? I think she isn't too experienced because she was openly showing attraction when we first met, comparing to other girls who are more subtle. I was browsing fb and saw girls commenting on old picture of her, how beatiful she is (I found this weird because why would anyone suddenly write a comment on almost 2year old photo, let alone multiple girls commenting the same photo.) Part of me thinks that maybe she is trying to make me chase her or something, but idk maybe my brain is darkened by mild oneitis. I wasn't generous with texting, only exchanged few texts before tried to ask her out; I was replying hours or sometimes 1 day later, but of course sometimes went into rapid fire (but rare). That's why maybe she thinks I'm not attracted to her and is trying to attract me. Or who knows into what her girl friends have talked her into.

TLDR: Talking to girl on fb, everything was great, agreed to a date, then she flakes and starts ignoring me.

You should think your way through this. Everything is fine until you guys are supposed to meet up and then all of a sudden her attitude changes on you. She wasn't playing hard to get before you guys agreed to the date. Why would she start playing hard to get now?

My guess is that you are not looking at this realistically or you just don't want to accept the truth.

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Message her and ask her whats wrong, and tell her how you feel.




Seriously, don't do anything like that. If your car had squeaky brakes, would you oil them?

She's not responding for a REASON.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Heywood, lol.

OP... I only read the first couple of lines. Firstly, it took you a few weeks to ask her on a date? She'd have known from the start that you wanted to, and each day she realises that you're a little bit more of a pussy... cause you still don't have the courage.

Let me ask you something: after setting this date, did you keep talking online? My guess is that you left no reason for her to need to date you - she already knows everything and you'd have nothing to talk about, anyway.

Set a date, and do it properly so that there's absolutely no reason to talk to her before the date. If she initiates a conversation, talk for a little while (2-3 messages) and then tell her "I better get back to work, but I can't wait to see you!" or whatever. It's in the moments of silence that attraction is built through her being unsure of how you feel about her (it is a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Don't argue with science), and anticipating what the date might be (cause you've been mysterious and haven't told her - you've just told her to dress smart. )

Imagine a song without any silence? It'd just be one constant noise. Wouldn't sound too good, would it? It's that silence that makes the music. Use the silence to your advantage.

^ probably the most dtrak comment I've ever posted, but you'll find that it's all right.

Edit: I'm sorry but I just read a little more and I still can't bring myself to get to the end of it. You're literally chasing her away. You did the right thing by trying to re-schedule ONCE. The problem is that she didn't give a counter offer, which meant that her being "busy" was a bullshit excuse for "I don't want to go on a date with you" ...sorry, man.

Time to meet some new women, so what are your plans to do this? Got a thread for new guys in my signature, but make sure you're doing what the last paragraph (I think) says; take action.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

Move on... Her interest level hit rock bottom.

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Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

Why? What mistakes did I make? I can't believe attraction can be lost so fast...

That's not fast

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We started chatting only two and a half weeks ago, so that's not the issue. And I texted her only few times, to set up date and the day before date, to find out if she is still available.

It is an issue. Every day that you don't see her the level of attraction goes down.

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Yes, only because he didn't saw her for a month. Usually, if you are seeing girl (lets say once a week) and you keep escalating, create sexual frame, every day you don't see her actually increases her attraction.

"absence makes the heart grow fonder"


.... But there was no attraction to begin with, so.

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Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

Absolute myth. No other options makes the heart grow fonder.

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I don't think it's a myth. I think you're both right.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

I have few trivial examples that can support my thesis.

When you first hear a song you really like, if you listen to it constantly you got bored pretty easy, it was really good, it provoked emotions in you but it soon got to the point you abhor it, because it's just, here, always.


It's like concerts, Christmas, events that are not everyday. Every Christmas brings joy to people, it takes full year to experience that full broad of positive emotions again, it bonds people and family. If xmas was everyday, it would be just another day.


Back to this situation. If there is a strong attraction between you and women, she's likes you. You always have great time but you limit the amount of days you are seeing her, you don't want to spoil her. You are a busy man and answer rarely to her texts. What's she thinking about? Absence makes her imagine, and think more about you. While you are gone, her attraction (assuming there was some in the beginning) can only rise. She can't wait to experience your presence again.

However, I agree with you partly, making yourself distant too much can provoke negative emotions and push her away. Calibrated, making her miss you in the right amount, having lifestyle you want, living the life you want and allowing her coming to your reality instead of you into hers, absence is the greatest asset to make women want you more.

Without even trying.

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Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

If she had other options that she were attracted to that gave her the attention that you didn't, would she be thinking that way? We as guys have these egos that believe that once we enter a woman's life, we're all that matters after we walk out of the room. Real life takes over, especially for women that are actually worth something.

I have this girl that I've known for three or four months now go cold on me because I would always text her to come over. Even though when we got along great from convo, to things in common, to sex, it would bother her that I wouldn't give her at least a days notice...but that's not how I operate. Last month she disappeared. Last week she texts me saying "hi" and then asked if I missed her. The truth was that I didn't miss her because I have a couple of other girls that I get along with just as well. Did that stop me from telling her to come by? No, but her absence didn't affect me.

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The best way to increase the value of anything is to make it scarce.

If a girl likes you, then vanishing for a little while on a business trip or whatever will boost her attraction , but after a while she'll get over it and lose attraction completely - vanish for 10 years and it doesn't matter how much she may have been obsessed with you, she'll be over it. Vanish for a week and anticipation will have done its thing and she'll be so glad to hear from you that she can't wait to see you again and "catch up". (common knowledge)

If a girl doesn't like you, then no amount of vanishing is going to do anything at all. (also common knowledge)

You're both completely right, but neither of you can be proven right because it's more of an art than a science.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.