I have been married for 5 years. The problem is, it is very difficult for my wife to agree to have sex with me.

The frequency that I have sex with her is the most once every 4 months... but that is not fixed. The frequency could be less frequent.

Any ideas how I can have sex with my wife, lets say, once a week?

Most of the time, when I asked for sex with her, she will decline, saying that she is too tired.

We also sleep in a seperate room, because she can't sleep with the air conditioned turned on. And I can't sleep with the air cond turned off.

Is there anything that I can do?

Please feel free to share your opinion.

Is this how you imagined marriage man? I feel your pain shit sucks.

For everyone else reading, this one girl has total control over this guy's sex life. Not him, not other women, this one girl decides if he gets laid or not. Think long and hard about giving your balls up like this.

There is hope though... You don't ask for sex. You lead to sex. Whisper in her ear. Warm her up. Talk to her sensually and lead her into a place where sex is possible. It is still likely that she may be tired, but asking her is weak. The man will lead.

The other thing you will need to consider is what is in it for her? If you are not good in bed, IE giving her orgasms then why is she going to want to have sex? Get this down, I know that you will have limited opportunities to practice, but if you don't know cunninglus then learn it.

Lastly, find your leverage point. Women can control men through withholding sex. Men can control women through withholding attention. Likely it will be hard to do since you both live in the same house, but there is opportunity here. I am not saying neglect family life, but diffuse the attention until you are getting what you want. It will be important that you take care of the family, but leaving her wanting more attention will likely lead to a way for her to work for your attention. After she is fighting for your attention then you lead to sex as stated above ^^^. Simply your sex should be valuable and by her working for it then you can reward her.

Ultimately for this situation to become the way you want it to be, she needs to be fighting for your attention and affection. She needs to be seeking you out for sex and pleasure. You can get this relationship to that point. It won't be easy and there is likely to be a lot of shit along the way, but what other choice do you have?

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Man...

It's very sad that this is such a common thing these days, I heard, that clients that go to brothels are mostly married men, I am not surprised.

I guess you need to talk like adults about it. Do you have kids? - It is better to be single than be in an unhappy relationship, so it's your job to be pro-active and work on it. If you're not getting what you want out of it, then I would suggest consider ending it. Don't settle for any less.

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Read this back. WHAT THE FUCK!? You're acting like she's doing you a favour by letting you touch her. She's your fucking wife.
I don't want to put paranoia in your head but either she isn't faithful, or she isn't attracted to you anymore. Maybe you're not showing up right in the marriage?
Hard to say without knowing 100% the true cause. I'm sure other guys can give good advice on this but I'd walk.
Lol, well, as you know... this just means "I don't want to have sex with you"
So the marriage died a long time ago and you're just roommates now that have the occasional fuck for the sake of doing it? You're not happy and you need to stop kidding yourself.
I know it's hard, but I think you should walk. I genuinely do. Why would you stay in a dead marriage? But then again this is a pickup forum, I'd say 0.5% of the guys here are happily married.

Please feel free to share your opinion.[/quote]

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

Once every 4 months.... Wow.

You're going to have to elaborate some more if you want help.... What's your marriage like?

Still more often than most guys on this board are getting it.

Sex is typically the barometer to the health of the relationship.

It would be best to talk to her and consider seeking the consultation of a trained professional, like a couple's therapist. What you're going to get here mainly is a lot of projecting form a bunch of insecure males, who will encourage you to play games or be "alpha" and lead her around as if she's some sort of a lap dog to be put in its place when misbehaving.

Most of the guys on this board couldn't get laid if they were in a brothel with a $1000 bill, so I suggest you start talking to her about how this affects you and together work toward a solution.

You must understand that there is a different dynamic here. This is beyond "if she does that, I do this." Withholding attention from someone that is losing interest in the first place is not the way to go even when you're not married. When you are married, this tactic will more than likely justify the person who is withholding sex and cause them to want out of the relationship altogether.

There is a bigger underlying issue here. OP and his wife are both being stubborn and destroying this relationship together. If she and sex were that important he would not care about air conditioning and visa versa. There is something bigger going on here that is not being communicated or being ignored. OP, you have to communicate your problem and accept that there may be a response that you don't want to hear. That can be done one to one or in counseling.

Whatever you do, don't start withholding attention.

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^^well said, Jack.


Michael, you might want to contact a therapist in your neck of the woods who specializes in EFT (Emotion Focused Therapy). If money is an issue there should be some free resources available, generally through interning clinical psychology students, or a therapist who charges on a sliding-scale, or perhaps even a church (some of them offer general counselling for couples). If you do live in a remote area there are therapist who do internet-based sessions via SPAM.

I get the sense this is a deep-rooted matter that's going to require the two of you to have some honest communication about what's going on rather than remaining complacent and ignoring the matter altogether.

There's no way of telling what's truly going on here without hearing her side - as the saying goes "it takes two", and we're only hearing one side of the equation. The lack of sex is only symptomatic of a bigger issue that needs addressing.

What the fuck is this shit? Get a therapist? Look at the statistics dude therapy only drives further a wedge between marriage couples and more times than not ends in divorce. Furthermore talking about problems doesn't do shit. "Oh let's honestly open up and communicate about the issues in our marriage." No it doesn't work like that. Communication always works, but again and again, our communication is very rarely in our words. How about you come at an issue with actually experience of the problem.

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Lol. It's about to go down

Very good point and this is spot on if the relationship is already totally fucked. It's like withdrawing your attention from a girl who you just got her number and she didn't answer your call. She doesn't care.

From the OP, the assertion that sex does happen (it would of course matter why the sex happened - was she doing it to get him off her back or because she wanted to), I gather that there is a chance at saving. What I wrote, will be a way to save it if possible, not a fucking therapist.

_________________
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http://www.pimp-o-nomics.com

Texting eBook
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Pickup On Fire Interview
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Personally, I agree with n2TheVoid. I don't understand why HeartCharmer is so angry about therapy (interesting) but then again, nobody really understands his logic.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

Watching friends and my own brother go through similar experiences...not having sex will lead to breakups in marriage. Sleeping in separate beds make them nothing more than roommates. Sex once every four months, if that much, is a totally fucked relationship because one person in the relationship wants it more. It'll lead to either to infidelity or divorce.

You are writing from the point of view that men can be controlled through sex and that isn't true, just as it isn't true that women can be controlled from withholding attention. Each one will find it elsewhere if they aren't getting it at home.

Regardless, you are telling the OP that he can get more sex by giving her less incentive to have sex with him.

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Didnt you know from the dating/bf-gf phase that you two couldnt sleep in the same room? Seems like that would alert you to how your marriage was gonna turn out if you signed up for something where you'd HAVE to sleep seperately.