| Hey guys and girls,
would appreciate some advice on this one here. Thanks in advance.
The relationship was solid, almost 4 years. I'm 30, she is 26. It started as long distance relationship, she moved into my town after she got her degree, found work here and one or two female friends. We both made plans to move into one apartment within the next four months and had planed a trip to the US and A which she set up and an saving account - just a month ago - for. My idea was the trip, her idea was the saving account. During the week, she usually does her stuff and I do mine (I'm quite busy with university every week until all the exams are over) but we always see each other on the weekends. Always. She already has a job with an income but I'm still a university because I quit my job to get an higher degree which I will have in about six months.
Anyway, about three weeks ago, she started doing fitness again. This girly workout courses to lose weight. At the same time my friend's birthday comes up and she tells me she is not going with me because she is going out with a female friend named Svenja from work. Strange since she was also at his wedding but then again it's usually all males and only one or two females so I guess it is understandable. Still the first time in months that we had not spend the night on the weekend together.
Next weekend comes up, I tell her it is football on Friday so I'm going to watch football on my TV and she straight tells me she is not coming because she doesn't want to watch it. She is not really into football at all but still, I tell her the game is not important and I would love to have her over for a wine and stuff. She refuses. Next day she comes over in the morning and brings breakfast. After we had breakfast, first thing she does is going on my laptop and she starts looking for lollapalooza festival tickets. She had told me about the festival before but wasn't sure whether to go or not a couple of weeks back so I was a bit surprised. The festival is in another city where just recently a female co-worker moved, so she books her train and festival tickets. On that night, the two of us went to a birthday party of one of her female friends. Sunday was sexy time and a dinner afterwards.
So she visited the festival from Friday to Sunday and we texted for that time, nothing special. She returned late Sunday and we phoned on Monday, I tell her that I'm super sick but that I have to make it to university no matter what and can't take days off. The next day, she offers via text to bring me soup to my place at 10 p.m. after her workout stuff but had to be at university until 10 p.m. but still, I say thank you.
We agreed via text to meet on Thursday to have dinner. So we meet on Thursday and remember, we haven't seen each other in 10 days thanks to her festival visit. She is super excited to see me, all smiles and waving her hand for 30 seconds. Like seriously happy to see me. I tease her, tell her I'm still sick and I can't kiss her because than she would probably die that very instant because was still a bit sick at that time. She smiles and says: I don't care, I want my hello-kiss. Where is my kiss? I laugh and we kiss. We have dinner which was only okay because I was a bit off. She tells me that she is going to celebrate a birthday with her friends from the festival the next weekend. They would come from that other city to the one we live in. After the dinner I take her for a walk and explain that I'm a bit down because my mother was just diagnosed with breasts cancer and yeah, that obviously sucks. She hugs me a few times, says she is going to bring a wine and movies to cheer me up the next day (Friday). I ask her if I could come with her to that upcoming birthday party since my mother will have surgery in the next days, so I will spend most of my time in the hospital with my mother and I would appreciate some new faces. She kind of agrees.
We walk to the train station and suddenly she stops and asks me: Do you really want to come to that birthday party? I'm like, why? Why is that even a question. She replies: No, no it is not. I say I'm not a 100 % sure and I will let here know. We take the train and she stares at me for 2 minutes straight. I ask again: Everything okay? She says: Yeah, yes.
We get off, kiss and say good-bye.
Next day (Friday), she comes to my apartment as planed. Opens the door. In tears. "Look, we need to talk". We sit on my couch. "There is no easy way of saying this but I guess I don't love you anymore", she says. I'm still calm and collected but I ask her if this is some kind of joke. She says no, cries, says she is sorry multiple times and that I'm more of buddy to her than a boyfriend. I want to hug her but she screams "NOO, don't touch me" and that one my friends, that one really hurt.
Again, I ask her how that is even possible because of all her happiness she showed when she saw me yesterday, the waving, the full-time smile. She says that somehow a "button" was pushed in her mind and know she knows she doesn't love my anymore. We sit there in silence, she still in tears. I ask her to leave to have some space for myself, she agrees. She wants to give me her keys to my apartment but for some reason, I tell her to keep the keys as we can sort stuff out later. She keeps the keys, stays at my door and tells me that I could always contact her, always. I just stare at her, still sitting on my couch. I say nothing. A few seconds later, she complains: "Why don't you give me a proper good-bye"? I walk to the door, stare at her and realize she wants a hug, I say no and open the door.
Next day, I call her in the morning. I just say hi and wait for her to say something but she doesn't say much so I offer to bring her stuff over but she says she can come and pick it up but I insist. She agree sand cries a bit on the phone. I go over there, super awkward moments, we both don't know what to say. The whole time she avoids to look into my face. But I ask her again: Like seriously, what happened, is it because of that stupid birthday party? Is it because of my mother? She replies: No, it's because of that "button" in her head.
I ask for my keys and she reaches for the keys but her hand is shaking like crazy, like literally shaking as she hands over the keys. I go to her door, open the door a bit and close it again. She stares at me the whole time. As I close the door, I look back one more time and she opens her arms to hug me one last time but I tell her fare-well, wish her all the best and tell her that I don't want this anymore (to hug her). I leave and close the door.
20 minutes after I left her place, I get an e-mail, basically saying that "she really wished to spend the future with me", "she tried to push her feelings aways but was overwhelmed in the end and that's why she never had the courage to say anything", "she had loved me very dearly and deeply and hopes I know that", "she doesn't expect an answer but for the future, I could always contact her for whatever reasons, always".
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That was a week ago, I haven't replied to her e-mail mainly because I still have no clue what happened here. It can happen, people stop loving, sure but to my understanding it starts with less sex, less "romantic" talk in the text messages and you wouldn't be that stoked to see your partner.
Looking back, I noticed that she told me cut my hair in a different way (but I'm happy the way it is, which I told her) or at out last visit to the mall, to buy these hip new pants (which I didn't buy because I like my style). She works in the fashion industry and designs clothes, I have an skate and surfing background so I wouldn't say I don't care about the way I dress.
What I also noticed, that some female friends she met at her company all have been single for years and that she never introduced me to any of these friends. She showed me pictures of them and always told me about their dinners and parties but there have been only a few over the past year. It just picked up the last four weeks ago when she met some new female friends at work and they went to these super hip places, places my social circle and the two of us would never have gone. Usually she doesn't drink much when we go out with my friends but there she would get more than a few beers, she would go for cocktails, shots and what not. These new girls just went to different locations than we would.
For me, it came out of nowhere. The last time she was on my laptop, she looked online for lamps and furniture for an apartment. So yeah, I don't really know what to do. Any ideas? Thanks again for reading.
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CHAT