Okay, so I've experienced episodes of hypo-mania (the upside of bi polar)...when hypomanic I'm the man. My true essence and inner being SHINES THRU. I have an unshakable confidence. The type of raw aura usually only associated with famous actors. When hypo-manic I experience what it feels like 2 TRULY be comfortable in my own skin (gigantic nose and all). I laugh or crack a smile when judged and I have this charismatic energy people around me can feel and are drawn to me. FEMALES flock to me with out me saying or initiating a DAMN thing. In this state taking them to bed is EASY. I have no fear what so ever and am told I'm hot, cute, handsome, very attractive to girls.

When I'm no longer in this state I come across as arrogant to others, but inside am REALLY insecure. When not hypo-manic I'm perceived as ugly and am I'm in my head. I'm no longer the life of the party, but an unattractive guy with no pulling power what so ever. The change is drastic. Hypo Im a 10, not hypo Im a 5...I'm a push over (with guys and females) and practically every average guy has more confidence then me. Its like I'm powerless and I try so hard to shift my perception that I can't...I try so hard to act confident, but its an act. Im so insecure with how I look its torture. I come across as awkward, assholish or cold, because I grow frustrated with being stuck feeling uncomfortable that practically everyone I come across patrionizes me, looks at me weird and I respond by rejecting everyone. Handshakes from guys, returning smiles, and dismissive to girls. EVERYONE has power over me and its the most annoying thing in the world. Rather then being the cool, comfortable, james bond like smooth, charismatic guy I'm uncomfortable, annoyed and mean. I'm becoming an angry man.

I'm about to get married in a few months....which means staying faithful...which is easy when I'm not hypo-manic because I'm undesirable to women and ridiculed by men due to having no confidence anyways...Since I can't induce hypo-mania I want to develop hypo-manic LIKE confidence naturally.....That way I can have that raw, charismatic, sexy aura and pull women with out trying.....If I can do this and have my pick of women and still choose to remain faithful and go ahead with the marriage, I will feel safer and fully content getting married because I know I'm at my best, can get any girl I want and am choosing the one I'm marrying as opposed to just settling because I have no confidence...so my question is despite my arguably - ugly yet distinct, unique looks how can I develop this confidence??? Not giving a damn about anyones opinions or perceptions is a very powerful feeling and I want this back, naturally. Solutions ??

Attached is a confidence meter...I'm looking for super strong invincible confidence naturally which I call hypo-manic like confidence that I've experienced before and for the life of me can't duplicate those same results...when I 'try' I come across as fair confidence at best which deteriorates even lower as the day goes on...

I'd say fake it until you make it and convincing yourself to convince others are workable early in life, then get harder and eventually impossible as you get older. Eventually you need tangible, repeatable results or you see through your own bullshit and so do other people. On to the fact that you're getting married, you supposedly WANT to get married, and you supposedly WANT to be faithful, why mess that up with questions about whether you've "still got it"? If that's really what it is, maybe you should just go sour grapes and decide "it" is overrated anyway, and married life is where it's at. Embrace the pussy whipped, "yes, dear", sitcom dad role. Hell, men have done it while being respectable and manly in every other way for generations and been ok. On the other hand if you're doubting that, and some part of you doesn't think it's for you, I'm not really the one to give specific advice about that other than to say "make sure you're sure".