| This post is taken from copyrighted material on my website, Daytime Attraction.
INTRODUCTION & MY STORY
My name is Steve and my passion is helping guys improve their dating lives. I started hosting weekly meetups in 2013 and helped tons of guys out for free. I love seeing the change when a guy does something he previously wasn’t able to do, or more accurately, thought he wasn’t able to do. I believe what holds back most guys from the type of dating lives they truly desire is self-limiting beliefs. The demand for a positive, motivating coach that can get guys real results was so high in NYC, that by 2014, daytime attraction coaching became my full-time business.
Sometimes at night I sit and think, how did I get to where I am now? I wasn’t always great with women. In fact, for most of my life, I've been the guy that sits home alone on Friday nights. I started my journey to success just how most guys do, and possibly what you’re doing right now, by reading stuff online about meeting women. I had to take a lot of action, but I’ve made the leap from “semi-clueless” with women, all the way to a full-time men’s dating coach, in only 3 years. I’m here to tell you, you’re capable of achieving much better results than you can probably even imagine right now.
What does it take to reach your full potential? I believe it takes 3 things: the desire to improve, the belief that it’s possible for you, and the willingness to take consistent action. Since you’re reading this guide, I know you already have the first one. My hope is that the material in this guide and on my website will help you realize that this is totally possible for you, so that takes care of the second one. The third one, taking consistent action, that one will always be 100% on you.
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THE 5 LEVELS
This list is designed for guys with limited experience in daytime attraction, so I’ve put it in order from most simple to the most bold. In my coaching, I refer to these as “the 5 levels”. You start with level 1, do it a few times, then move up to level 2, and so on. Try to condense the time between each interaction as much as you can. The more time in between, the harder it is to build momentum. This concept is called progressive desensitization. It expands your social comfort zone at a consistent, steady pace. If some of the first levels seem easy to you, feel free to start at whatever level is good for you. Let’s get started...
1- ASK A QUESTION, THEN LEAVE
This is the first and easiest to do. The idea is to just get yourself out of your head and into the external world by speaking to other people. You can talk to men, women, senior citizens, it doesn’t matter. In the beginning your only concern is that you start immediately speaking to other people.
Ask a question then leave, means walking up to anyone, say “Excuse me” to get their attention, then ask any generic question. They will either give you the answer or say they don’t know, either way you reply with “thank you” and walk away.
EXAMPLES
Standard way: “Hey excuse me… do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?”
Funny way: “Hey excuse me… I REALLY REALLY need some coffee right now, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is.. this is a life or death situation!?!?”
2- ASK A QUESTION, COMPLIMENT, THEN LEAVE
The second level, is the same thing as the first, only you’re now looking to focus on talking to women (it doesn’t matter how attractive they are yet), and you’ll tack on a quick, authentic compliment before you leave. The idea is to get you comfortable with giving compliments to others, specifically women.
So here you’ll say “Excuse me” to get their attention, and then ask any generic question. They will either give you the answer or say they don’t know, either way you reply with “thank you”, add on a quick compliment before walking away.
EXAMPLE
“Hi, I’m a little lost, do you know where the nearest pizza place is? (they answer) Thanks, by the way, you look great today!”
3- ASK A QUESTION, AND STAY
With the third level, our goal is to ask a functional question, then transition with a personal statement, and engage them in a short, fun conversation. The idea is to get you comfortable with starting conversations with random women. Many guys are genuinely surprised at how open to conversations most women are. As long as you’re not coming across needy and have a positive vibe, many women will talk to you for a little bit before saying they have to leave. As you get more confident and your communication skills get smoother, you’ll be able to keep them interested longer and longer.
So here you’ll say “Excuse me” and then ask a question. After they answer, you say “thanks”, then transition to a more conversation with a personal question.
EXAMPLES
“Hi, I’m a little lost, do you know where the nearest pizza place is? (they answer) Thanks, by the way, I love your accent, where are you from?”
“Hi, I’m a little lost, do you know where the nearest pizza place is? (they answer) Thanks, by the way, I love your sense of style. I know this is kinda random, but since fall is around the corner, I need to get a new jacket, what type of jacket do you think is in style for men this year?”
**There are two things I want you to notice in this last example: First, I gave her a compliment on her style, then I asked a question about it.. the two are related on purpose. If I had complimented her style then asked her where she works, it’s unrelated and can seem socially awkward. Second, in sales there is something called a “say no” question, which is any question that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”. You NEVER want to ask a “say no” question. My question here clearly requires her to think and answer with more than one word.
You will definitely notice some women are in a rush or say they have to go somewhere. My advice is to always agree with them, then keep talking as if you totally expect them to stay and talk for another minute. It looks like this...
YOU: “Hi, I’m a little lost, do you know where the nearest pizza place is? (they answer) Thanks, by the way, I love your accent, where are you from?”
HER: “Thanks but I’m on my way to meet a friend (about to walk away)
YOU: “Cool, I’m actually running late for a meeting too, so I definitely can’t stay, but I’m just so curious, where are you from?
You will be SHOCKED at how often this technique buys you an extra minute of conversation time! The trick is really sounding genuinely interested.
Of course, there will always be a few women that won’t stop no matter what. After you get a few dozen interactions under your belt, you begin to realize this is perfectly fine, should be expected to occasionally happen, and has no reflection on you at all. You see, you simply have no idea what’s going on in her life at all. Did she just find out someone in her family is very ill? Did she just lose her job? Did her boyfriend cheat on her with her best friend last night? etc.
I tell every guy I coach, you want to be happy just being the guy that expresses his thoughts and feelings. Remember, you’re amazing before you approach her, you’re amazing while you’re talking to her, and you’re amazing when you’re done talking to her. Whatever she does during the interaction is only a reflection of how she feels at this given point in time.
A woman’s mood can also change very quickly. One time I approached a woman on the way to her lunch break and she rolled her eyes and just walked away. Less than 30 minutes later, I approached the same woman again and she stopped immediately, was very friendly, and we had a great conversation. Maybe she was starving and in a bad mood the first time, and after eating some lunch, she was in a better mood. This story goes to show how her reaction has nothing to do with you, since it’s heavily influenced by how she’s already feeling at that moment. Do not take any one woman’s reaction too seriously. On the other hand, if almost every woman you approach is responding negatively, then it’s time to analyze what you’re doing wrong because it’s definitely your performance at that point.
4- DIRECT COMPLIMENT, THEN LEAVE
The fourth level is where we take things to the bold level. You walk up to an attractive woman, get her attention with “excuse me”, tell her how you noticed her, then give her a direct compliment, then leave. The idea is to get you comfortable with giving direct compliments to attractive women. This one is great because it’s so quick that she doesn’t have time to respond with much except a “thank you” before you leave.
EXAMPLE
“Hey, excuse me.. I noticed you standing over here and I just had to come tell you that you look gorgeous today. (she should say “thank you”) But I’m actually in a rush so I have to get going, have a great day! (smile and walk away)
5- DIRECT COMPLIMENT, AND STAY
The fifth level is starting with a direct compliment, and transitioning to a personal conversation. You walk up to an attractive woman, get her attention with “excuse me”, tell her how you noticed her, then give her a direct compliment, then transition to a personal conversation. The idea is to get you comfortable with giving direct compliments AND also engaging in personal conversations with attractive women. This is where we incorporate all the other levels. The other levels also serve to build your social state and momentum. This level may take awhile to be fully comfortable with, but once you can deliver the lines smoothly with confident body language and eye contact, you’ll start getting great results with women.
EXAMPLE
“Hey, excuse me.. I noticed you standing over here and I just had to come tell you that you look great today. (she should say “thank you”) I’m __________, what’s your name? (“I’m Jessica”) Nice to meet you Jessica, by the way, I love your sense of style.. Fall is right around the corner and I need to get a new jacket. What type of jacket do you think is in style for men this year?”
The fifth level is also a great time to start tacking on a “number close” on the end of your conversations. Realistically, you’ll have to ask many women for their phone numbers before you’re asking in a smooth way. Believe me, once a guy can confidently and comfortably approach attractive women with a compliment, hold them in a fun, engaging conversation, and confidently get their number, he will start bringing new women into his life often.
Many guys will have different lengths of time they prefer the conversation to last before asking for her number. I prefer to keep my conversations fairly short, around 3 to 8 minutes, then say I have to get going and close for her number. My game plan is that by keeping the interactions short, I can meet more women each day. After a few minutes in the conversation I just reach in my pocket and take out my phone. This subtle act is important because it expresses that I’m expecting to get her number, I simultaneously say….
“You seem pretty cool so far Jessica, but like I said earlier, I have to get going. Let’s exchange numbers so we can keep in touch. If we hit it off over text maybe we’ll get together sometime soon."
At this point she does one of three things: gives her number, hesitates,or gives a reason for not giving it.
Here’s some ways to handle the last two scenario’s:
SHE HESITATES:
HER: “I usually don’t give my number out to strangers…”
YOU: “That’s cool, but when you think about it, everyone in your life except your parents was a stranger at one time, but then you got to know them and they weren’t a stranger anymore. I’ll tell you what, we’ll exchange numbers and I’ll shoot you a text later, if we hit it off.. cool. If we don’t, just delete my number, I’m a busy guy, I’ll be ok haha.” (hand her your phone to put her number in. Saying it like this shows you want her number, but you don’t really need it. Either way you’re still a happy, cool guy, and that is very attractive to women).
SHE GIVES A REASON FOR NOT GIVING IT:
HER: “Oh thanks, but I actually have a boyfriend…”
Here you have two options. You can persist or you can simply wish her well and gracefully exit. I prefer to walk away usually since there are so many attractive women around every day, I don’t feel the need to persist on one girl. Some guys love the challenge and persist. Here’s how both options look...
1 - YOU (GRACEFULLY EXIT): “Ok that’s great. I’m still happy I gave you the compliment. Have a great day! (smile and walk away)
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2 - YOU (PERSISTING): “So, tell me, what’s it like to be in the perfect relationship?”
HER (SCENARIO 1): “It’s amazing, we’re so in love… etc etc” (at this point, I gracefully exit)
HER (SCENARIO 2, RARE BUT DOES HAPPEN): “Oh, well.. uhh, it’s not perfect.”
YOU: “Oh jeez, I’m sorry to hear that. Why isn’t it perfect?” (she goes down a laundry list of reasons about why her boyfriend sucks. You just listen empathetically, then after a bit say something like:
“Well look, I don’t want to get in the middle of anything if you guys are working it out, but it sounds like you guys might not be ideal for each other. Let’s exchange numbers, and if you find yourself single anytime soon, I’d love to take you out.”
Again, if you say this stuff confidently, you’ll be shocked at how many women agree to it. After all, she may be staying with her current boyfriend out of the fear of being alone, and deep down she really does want to meet a new, exciting guy. You can be that guy.
**BONUS**
2 POWER QUESTIONS I ASK ALL THE TIME
I’ve personally had thousands of conversations with women, and I’ve witnessed at least a few thousand more while coaching clients. I suggest you keep your conversations natural, authentic, and spontaneous as much as you can. This is how the best conversations develop and true connections happen. Also, there is without a doubt, certain lines that seem to come up all the time and are very powerful. Here’s some for you to consider...
1 - (after transitioning to a conversation) “What are you up to now?”
This simple question is super powerful because her answer to it will reveal logistical information that helps you adjust your conversation. She may reply with anything from “I’m on my way to meet my husband” to “Nothing much, I just moved here and I don’t know anyone. I’m just walking around trying to learn where stuff is.” Isn’t information like this valuable to know? I’m willing to bet your response to each situation would be drastically different.
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2 - (after transitioning to a conversation) “By the way, I love your look, what’s your ethnicity?”
I personally love this one because I’m very interested in women of foreign ethnicities. If I start a conversation with a woman and I hear even the slightest bit of an accent, I always ask this question! After she tells you she’s from Colombia, that can open up a great conversational topic, especially if you have traveled there, or even if you plan on going there.
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Thanks for reading guys, if you have any questions, comments, etc about this material.. feel free to shoot me a PM on here! _________________ My Sites...
http://www.DaytimeAttraction.com Meet women in the daytime
http://www.NYCDaygame.com Meet women in the daytime in NYC
http://www.ProDatingAssistant.com Online Dating Automation & Professional Assistants
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CHAT
